Adults Are Revealing the Harshest Life Lessons Life Has Doled Out

"Believing in" things is a terrible way to live. It's a perfectly OK way to merely exist but functionally enslaves you in a prison you don't even notice.

Having woken up from this slavery, I do often worry and feel compassion toward the truly staggering majority of people that think, "If I just pick the RIGHT thing to believe, I'll be OK!" and thus create a situation in which they can be so easily manipulated and lied to.

This extends out to "thinking differently," and those enslaved by this OTHER manipulative effort proclaim, "I'M NOT MAINSTREAM ANYMORE" while not seeing what they are enslaved by "because it's the opposite."

This explains SO MUCH of today's sick society, and those whose job it is to enslave us have never been so successful. They get us to pay for $1000+ phones willingly, so our porous egos can always remain available for being screwed over.

Decades ago, subliminal advertising was banned, but today’s media landscape is far worse, and there is almost no will to change it since it works for all concerned. At least, those who have any power. Trapped by a near-endless set of false dualities, we forever remain trapped by it; even when we "wake up" to the horrors of one side, we escape to the other, only to be trapped there in some... better slavery?

In THIS side, we all agree that the OTHER side was horrible. So we're enslaved to our self-righteousness n the end? Luckily, I saw the trap here and sought out The Third Alternative. It's OK to be temporarily angry at injustice, real or otherwise, but it isn't OK to set up some competing ideology because you got hurt.

NOW, society has to contend with your false identity so central to your way of being that you can't distinguish a need for nuance or areas of gray, and this is somehow everyone else's fault? And we're not allowed to call you on any of that? Or even ask questions? All of this is compounded by the fact that in a landscape where everyone is starved for agency, autonomy, or power and those with power abuse it, is it any wonder we're all at each other's throats?

Not being able to create middle options has risen to the level of mass mental illness at this point, and I'm glad I was able to get out of that way of thinking and be really free.

Username: RacecarHealthPotato

If an executive pretends to have a soul, to be a decent person that "cares for the employees," **it is a lie**. Always assume it is a lie. My wife used to work for a place that was honestly pretty damned great: flexible time off that you could take basically whenever you wanted, good benefits, culture that valued diversity, generally decent coworkers, I could prolly go on.

In August, they gave my wife a surprise reward for the years of hard work she put in working herself up to a hair's breadth away from a management role: she and 1/5th of the company's staff were laid off! She literally found out while we had her nephew over for the weekend and we were at fuckin' Chuck-E-Cheese via a surprise email. No hint, no warning, just "hey, when do you wanna have your exit interview?"

The fact that her having until the start of November to find a new job was considered lucky showed just how fucked the whole shitshow turned out. People were literally surprised to wake up one day, locked out of all their company shit like OnePass and the company VPN. Some lower and middle managers didn't even know it had happened until some people just up and disappeared from the company Slack.

To say it was a complete and utter catastrophe would be an understatement. People, from what I've heard, have been leaving en masse and the leadership's been trying desperately to get some semblance of organization going even though, and you're gonna love this bit: their projects already *barely* had enough people to continue development and they were missing product delivery deadlines left, right, and centre.

There is no such thing as a "trustworthy executive." Hell, there's barely such a thing as an "intelligent executive." Polish your resume every once in a while, maybe once a quarter. Keep shit up-to-date. You never know when one of those C-suite fuckwits is gonna hit the gasoline fumes a little *too* hard and decide the best course to save the company a few pennies is to basically burn everything the fuck down.

Username: RavynousHunter

Jeff Goldblum was wrong. Life does not find a way. If you don't treat saving money like it's another bill, when you get in trouble or grow old, NO ONE IS GOING TO BE THERE TO HELP YOU. You need a rainy day fund. Have savings equaling up to at least six times what you regularly spend in a single month. A six month rainy day fund should be your minimum.

If you don't have a rainy day fund, then you can never afford to make life decisions like finding a better job for fear of becoming evicted or for fear of losing your car due to lack of payment. Save a certain amount each month just like it's a car payment. Only with that mindset will you be able to save up any money. Don't keep thinking that you'll save in the future when you might get a windfall. That's stupid.

And if you don't save for retirement for when you get old, you better have children that care about you otherwise you'll be living in a nursing home on the state's dime or living in public housing like myself because you can't make a living anymore.

Medical problems can happen at any point in your life. If you don't put some thought into how to deal with that when you have the ability to earn money when your able, don't think anyone will help you when that day comes and you become so ill you can't function normally anymore.

I watched a video online of this girl who was visiting the U.S. on vacation. She ended up having a dental problem and it was going to cost around $2500 to fix the problem here in the U.S.

She ended up buying a round trip ticket to Turkey, renting a hotel room for a week, and paying a dentist in Turkey and having it only cost her around a thousand dollars.

If you're gonna live where medical costs are the highest in the world, then save like there's no tomorrow and pay for health insurance because otherwise, you'll need to travel to other countries to find affordable healthcare. If you not willing to do that, then prepare yourself for the horror that is America's welfare system.

Username: Koyoteelaughter

Don't live your life by the phrase "life's too short" because it leads to more destruction than you'll realize until you're older. This goes for anything in life.

For example, don't cheat on someone because "life's to short" because the damage you do to the person you're cheating on will likely last a lifetime and the label will last a lifetime for you as well. That stigma never goes away.

Also, be VERY CAREFUL with drugs and alcohol because "life's too short" because, these days especially, the consequences could make it your last. If that's not the case, addiction is a lifelong battle that I can say personally that I buried more friends over this and it started with them drinking or smoking weed in high school and then they worked up to thinks that cost them their lives.

I have MULTIPLE FRIENDS AND FAMILY currently that are still fighting, and I pray that they make it in time. Please don't start and if you have, PLEASE, IN JESUS NAME, find some help as soon as possible. You've got so much life ahead of you. Your family, friends and the world needs you. GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOU... YOU'RE STILL HERE!!!

Please trust me that I know that life's too short but CHERISH IT!!! Don't indulge in the things that can take your precious life from you. If that's one thing that I can share with those in their 20's, that what I would share.

Is hard to imagine now that you'll be older and have to answer for the things that you do now, but it happens every day. Just think about the things you do before you do them, it'll make things so much easier for yourselves when you get older.
Username: ChelleAngel1

HR is not your friend and many times they are way too close to supervisors and admins outside of work. I worked at a job where every single time without fail that someone went to HR with concerns about our supervisor they were fired within the week. Not a single exception.

When I realized this was happening I applied for a new job. Once I got hired to that second job I wrote an email tagging a bunch of higher ups as well as everyone in the HR department individually in it and let them know about the shady things the supervisor was doing and all the people that were fired for talking to HR.
I expressed the concern that someone in HR was protecting the supervisor at the cost of a bunch of people's jobs. I quit after I sent that email, but I heard from others that the supervisor and a couple of her cronies were fired shortly after. I don't know if they ever found out who the snitch was in HR though.

Unfortunately I ran into similar problems with HR in my next job. The head of HR is married to one of the admins, and she as well as all the other admins in the company hang out together outside of work, go on vacations together, travel for sports together etc. The only silver lining is the company is funded by the government so if something is truly out of hand we can have state investigate it instead of HR.

HR has the audacity to try to say that retaliation is illegal but its very hard to prove unless its overly blatant, especially when companies immediately delete your email account once you leave. Kind of hard to have evidence when the company deletes it so you cant use it against them.

Username: Zarianin

Don't blindly trust your senses/mind. I used to be into new age beliefs, a lot of it revolved around thinking the things you experienced in your mind or through your senses was actually real. Like energy healing, and auras, thinking your manipulating energy because you feel some warm tingle in the spot you're focusing on. Visualizing energy flowing into and out of people/objects and thinking that's actually real and somehow affects your perception of that person or thing.

When those beliefs led me to thinking energy healers could cure my poor eye sight by just sitting across a table from me once a week for 10 mins waving their hands gently. Until after a year of that, without glasses because they said it would interfere with the process, and no improvement at all. In fact my vision got worse because I wasn't allowed to wear glasses.

That broke me, after 4 years of deeply believing in that shit. My vision is my most important sense, the thing that my mind is most focused on at all times. So for that to get worse because I believed it would get better was very devastating. As well as some very hard evidence that those methods don't work.

There's so much more to that story, years of stories. But the takeaway that I learned was to trust in science, the scientific method specifically, use 3rd party methods to prove something. Hell, have legitimate evidence for your beliefs in general before trusting in them. That's what I learned.

I stopped believing in all that new age bullshit, went full science and it's been the best decision of my life. I finally feel certain about how the world works, because now beliefs are backed up by trusted evidence. If any new information comes along to disprove those beliefs, and it's proven accurate, then I can easily adopt the new perspective.

I learned to stop thinking my body and mind always knew better. Our brains are flawed, and constantly showing you an illusion of reality to keep you sane. Without some sort of 3rd party structure/evidence to work with, your brain will just make shit up for life to make sense.

You can't tell that your brain has done it either. From your perspective it's as true and real as anything else. You can't trust your own mind. That's the lesson. It's a powerful tool, but it needs to be checked against an unbiased system like the scientific method.

Username: -Infinite92-

Coming from my childhood: Always pay attention to your children’s behavior around people, even around family members! If they act odd around someone or don’t want to be around someone, don’t make them! Maybe that is their way of telling you that something is wrong or something is happening.

When I was about 5 years old we used to visit my great aunt & uncles house. He always wanted me to sit on his lap. I didn’t know exactly what he was doing to me but I knew he was touching me in a way i had never been touched before and it didn’t feel right, it felt yucky.

I kept telling my mom I didn’t want to sit on his lap and she made me, because he was old and he was my uncle. Once I was older, I realized what he was actually doing to me and it made me sick and also angry at my parents for not listening to me as a child.

I know they didn’t do anything on purpose to hurt me, they just never expected my uncle would do anything to hurt me, and they didn’t think he was an old pervert, he was in his 70s and they knew him for so many years and they had no idea. I guess the big obvious picture should have been that he never wanted any of my brothers to sit on his lap, always just ME ! :/

Many years later when I was an adult, I finally told my mom what had happened and she felt so awful that she didn’t listen to me as a kid. So I have always paid close attention to my children’s behavior and cues around other people, especially because of what I went through as a kid.

I will NEVER let something like that happen to my children. We have great communication and they know they can always talk to me openly, without any judgement as their Mom!

Edit: the crazy thing is the time I finally decided to bring up what happened to me as a kid, was the time my mom gave me motherly advice, which was to always listen to your kids cues around other people, so it was ironic that she didn’t do that when I was growing up.

I felt like it was a huge slap in the face to her when I told her what had happened and I promised her that she never has to worry about me not paying attention to my kids cues and behaviors because I will NEVER make my kids go around anyone that they don’t want to be around.

Username: Mandee_707

Ask for honest help. Especially from doctors. If I had seen doctors 3 or 4 years sooner, I could have avoided being anemic from malnutrition, losing my job because of an undiagnosed medical condition, and experiencing what it's like to be a working man with JUST the label HOMELESS attached to my name (spoiler, nobody helps till it's too late and you lose the job).

The only good thing that I get to hold on to.... I bought dog food when I couldn't afford to feed both me and my dog. I KNOW that it isn't a good thing that I ate 2 cups of ramen a day for a week, that I passed out riding my bike to take the first job that accepted me... but I have a VERY poor opinion of myself. The only good thing I got out of being pushed that far was... proving that I'll feed my dog first.

I never needed to learn that lesson. If it was true when the chips were down, it was true when I first needed the help. If I had just BELIEVED that I was worth helping, MAYBE I'd have gotten the help before my disease hit full stride and took my body from the labor pool.

I could have avoided needing Social Security to cover the gaps in what I can afford. I could have kept pursuing my apprenticeship in Machine Repair. I might have even been able to keep up with maintaining my relationship between all those struggles. One thing is for certain, though...

I didn't believe anyone would care, or believe, or help. I've had nerve problems in my SPINE since I was 19, and I STILL questioned whether I needed help. Spoiler alert, I had genetic arthritis, and had an 80 year old man's back since I was 27.

AFTER accepting the truth, and talking to my doctors, one of them had the bright idea to check for genetics. Found a disease with a name, that had a specific treatment. Had I taken it seriously sooner, I wouldn't have lost my stamina, and experienced the embarrassment of having people 10-20 years my senior out-performing me.

Tell your doctors everything. Practice what I preach, I have a weird mole that just showed up in the last year since I've checked. I'm gearing up to schedule a professional check right now. Better to check sooner than later. Your other option is being a diseased loser who used to have it down. Talk to your fucking doctor, and tell them about the stupid fucking thing. You don't know. They do.

Username: Zer0-Sum-Game

My uncle taught me the biggest lesson about being calm under pressure. He owns a small logging company and I spent 2 winters working for him. The first winter was bad for us. This year the weather was mild and the ground didn't freeze properly until very late in the season, so we had to delay several properties very late into the season and then crunch hard to get all of it done in time.

One Friday he had an accident and rolled the [feller butcher](https://www.deere.com/en/wheeled-feller-bunchers/843l-ii/) down a hill. It flipped several times. He was belted in and OK, and the machine landed on its wheels but 3 of 4 tires were unseated and lost air.

Deere wasn't deploying service technicians until the next Monday and we couldn't afford the loss of 20+ hours of logging time so we came in on Saturday and got to work re-seating and inflating the tires. It was also cold as shit out now, so the 5ft diameter tires were hard as rocks. We had some flame throwers on to warm the tires and were using sledgehammers and pry bars to get the rubber into place. Very hard work.

At some point when working on the 2nd wheel his hand slipped when swinging the sledge and he ended up with his fingernail between the pry-bar end and the sledgehammer handle. Blood everywhere, split the tip of the finger like a grape.

After hopping around and muttering a bit he bandaged it up and we got back to work, albeit a little slower. 20 minutes later the exact same thing happened again. Same finger. At -10f pain is magnified so much. I've never seen a grown man hold back tears so hard.

We took a little break so he could nurse his hand and we could drink some coffee, we were talking and I mentioned how I thought I'd have given up by now, or at least cursed a blue streak or _something_ to let off steam. He turned to me and said "if getting all excited and screaming and yelling did anything we'd all be doing it all the time".

We got the tires on and inflated and got back to work, only about 12 hours of work time lost, and we got the wood out of that lot in enough time to hit the next plot of land later in the week.

I've never forgotten that phrase. There were other things going on in his personal life that were not good, he was under an insane amount of stress (at one point I was convinced he was going to kill himself) but he just .... soldiered on.

**If getting all excited and screaming and yelling did anything we'd be doing it all the time.** It really made an impression on me. To this day I am known as someone who is cool under pressure, it's helped make my own career and I attribute it all to my Uncle, who showed unbelievable grace and calm under insane stress.

Username: isjhe

Some rich people can work the justice system with the right lawyer but that is only a tiny fraction of why our justice system is broken. People think it means guilty people get off free and clear. But it's actually the opposite. Innocent people are found guilty or accepted a plea deal way more often.

Our justice system needs to be fixed. The only reason it hasn't been fixed is greedy people lining their pockets off the backs of hardworking Americans. We pay all this money in taxes just to be told if our justice system was to be the way it should be it would cost much more, and it would take a lot longer to go to trial.

People don't have an issue with the justice system until you end up being an innocent person who was served with a notice that you are being charged and required to appear in court. Once that happens, expect to pay $8000-40k in cash for a lawyer that may or may not give a shit about the outcome of your case.

Chances are, unless you work part time at mcdonalds as a cashier you will not qualify for a public defender due to your income or your family members income or your girlfriend or boyfriends income. Thats right! They can use your boyfriends or girlfriends income?!

We are talking you need to make less than enough to survive on to qualify for a public defender... How does this make any sense? It make sense because if you are convicted or accepted a plea deal usually you cannot vote. So if the only people that care about it are people that cannot vote obviously nothing is going to change.

This needs to become a known issue. It happened to me and was the worst thing ever. Nothing worse than living in a state and country you were born and raised in only to realize when your older that its no where near perfect and is only getting worse.
To sum it up the issues are;

-Police harassment and filing of charges that would not stick in trial in hopes the defendant accepts a plea deal -Prosecutors proceeding with a case just to get "wins" despite not having enough evidence to garentee win in trial. I'm going to explain this.

Costs you over 10k to defend yourself. Prosecutor gets paid to be here no skin off their back if they need to go to trial. That's my point. If my case had been examined by the state they would have realized I had an affirmative defense to the charge.

-Court procedures- if being charged defendant should always get the last word not the prosecution
-If a plea deal is offered it cannot be taken away despite going to trial
-public defenders should be available to low and middle class citizens, not just people making less than 500 a week

This is just one issue out of many that need to be fixed. Please help fix a big issue with our country and planet.

Username: [deleted]

The people in your life are like different atoms in molecules. You bond with each other due to proximity and certain chemistry. And it is nowhere near permanent. It takes a VERY VERY VERY rare person to actually be there for you, no matter what, through anything. Give any of your relationships a surprisingly little amount of time, space, stress, and you will see them dissolve.

To an extent it's not a terrible thing, and it's natural, and it's your fault too. But when you realize it, it will shock the fuck out of you and terrify you deeply and existentially. Every relationship is, to an extent, surface-level, fake, superficial, selfish... but they are all in varying degrees. Your boss likes you. He doesn't give a shit about you though. Your family loves you. But do they like you? Your girlfriend would literally die for you.....but only during the honeymoon phase. Wait til that wears off.

Most of our relationships with other human beings are a mixture of chemical reactions in our brains, paired with deep-rooted social and cultural conventions and niceties. I will say, be extremely protective of those few "peripheral" friendships. Those people who aren't directly a part of your current life, the ones you call every few months or once a year and have hours-long conversations with.

The guy you pass on the street every day and talk to briefly and just kind of like for some reason and have some rapport with, but maybe you've shown each other in brief moments that you're cut from from the same cloth somehow. The people you've never been great friends with, or never thought you'd be great friends with, but somehow you're just kind of always there for each other.

I think these relationships mean something. They occur for a reason. Destiny? Similar views and makeup deep down without needing to force a friendship or relationship? Who knows. But most of our "best friends" and "true loves" and "family" are just that because of comfort and stability.

Let something truly fucked happen and watch your best friends be the first to run away, while the guy you have had some funny experiences with on the train on the way to work every day, be the guy who rushes in without hesitation to help you or save you. It's terrifying. But yeah, relationship and interpersonal dynamics are not AT ALL what they appear to be while you're growing up. Not in the slightest.

Username: UserNameTaken1998

Had a buddy over at my 1st apartment when i was 17. We were out driving around on a friday night, waiting behind a car at a red light. light turns green, and being an impatient teenager i honked after the car didn't immediately go. He didn't respond, so i went around and as i looked over i see a young man tracking my head with a pistol.

i learned you don't fuck with strangers. You have no idea what some random person is capable of. Easily could have shot us and driven away from an impossible crime to solve. I've been the most courteous driver on the road since that night.

Something similar happened to my brother in law recently. he was at a theme park with his 5 year old daughter and pregnant wife. a group of high school kids cut in line in front of them, and he said something to them about it. Not even anything aggressive, just a "hey, we were here first."

Was just before closing, and the kids shadowed him until they got into the parking lot and jumped him. pushed over his little girl and when the 6 month pregnant wife tried to intervene they pushed her down.

She spent 2 days in the hospital because she started bleeding downstairs and they thought she might lose the baby. 5 year old is traumatized after seeing her dad fight. luckily he didn't get hurt, just a little banged up. He had that family in danger dad strength to save him and probably would've gotten locked up for murder had security not intervened.

All that over waiting an extra 2 minutes for a roller coaster. He nearly lost a child over waiting in line. Some people will go nuclear over the tiniest thing, and you don't know they're the wrong one until it's too late.

These are not rare situations. Another one is in my small little city with one of the lowest crime rates in the country few years bacl we had a guy get shot in the head on the lonely 2 lane highway i take to work every day over bad merging from an onramp. cut the guy off, and he pulled up next to him and shot the other driver in the head then just drove off. they had the vehicle type from traffic cams, but he never was identified or caught.

Username: S_Steiner_Accounting

Prioritize sleep, nutrition, a healthy amount of physical activity/exercise, joyful activities and rest. Do not work too hard for extended periods of time. Learn to set healthy limits and say no when you have too much on your plate.

Lesson learnt three years ago when hitting the wall real hard and spending more than a year to recover 80-90%. Burnout and stress-induced anxiety fucked me up real good for quite some time, and I still live with some of the consequences.

Good health is the foundation for all else! Without it, you are lost. No amount of success and money makes it worthwhile to sacrifice mental and physical health. Burnout can basically leave you without ability to work, socialize, experience joy etc. It can also make you depressed and anxious.

Far too many take far too much risk in their chase for success and money, and often they won’t realize until it is too late. At least that’s my experience. And I’ve seen similar happen to people around me as well - even though I told them to be careful.

I felt superhuman for about 4-5 months before I crashed. Full time job within B2B sales with great results and loads of money coming in, full time master studies with good results, not sleeping enough, not eating properly , partying too much in the weekends - I did great for those 4-5 months until I suddenly out of nowhere felt like I was having a heart attack (which was really a panic attack).

Had to quit my job, and barely managed to finish my studies. Was basically lying in bed for 2-3 months after that experience. And it took much longer before I felt normal again.

Take care of yourself peeps! Please learn from my lesson and take a moment to think about how lucky you are to be healthy and functional. Ask yourself what you consider important in life. Ask yourself whether you are currently balancing your life accordingly, or if you are not living in line with what you consider important.

Life is short! Your task is to make the most of it - whatever that means to you! Health? family? Friends? Hobbies? Work? Money and consumption? Leisure?

Username: [deleted]

Scottish Comedian Daniel Sloss did a special on Netflix with a joke/comment about relationships and self love. The boiled down version of his point is that if you shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't love you 100% just because you don't love yourself 100%.

Say you only loved/respected yourself a potential 10% and to you that is your limit, then you meet someone and they show you 20% of love. To you that seems like "Holy shit, this person loves me at least twice as much as I feel I deserve or thought possible" but from an outsider perspective someone might just see that this person really doesn't respect or love you as much as they should because it's only 20% out of a possible 100%.

This is why a lot of people who have issues with loving themselves and seeing their own worth will stand by abusive/manipulative/untrustworthy partners, because they genuinely believe they don't deserve any better and think that is what love is.

If you love and respect yourself 100%, and find someone who is willing to give 100% of that to you then your relationship will be a lot healthier and happier, you shouldn't have to force things to work or cling to someone because you fear you can't get anyone better. There's over 8 billion of us on the planet, it'd be silly to think there's literally no one for you.

I used to have a lot of anxiety and depression that made me think I was never any good for anyone and that anyone I dated could always "find someone better". It lead me to being in relationships with some very apathetic and toxic people who didn't really love me the way I wished we could and who manipulated me a lot with "if you really loved me you would do X for me".

That lead to me not seeing friends ot family much anymore unless they wanted to. I'm a lot better now and have learned there's no need to be so down on myself all the time. I've now found someone who actually shows that new 100% cap I have for myself and things are so much better now, we love each other with all our hearts and that is how it should be.

Username: [deleted]

When I was really young, There is a saying that I learnt from “Kung fu panda” and was a line said by master Uguay. but here is goes.

“The past is history
The future is a mystery
But today is always a gift,
That is why it’s called the present.”

We, as natural minded people, become so depressed, regretful, full of anger, and full of trauma for the things that we experienced and did in the past, that we end up living in it.

But when we find it in our heart to learn to let it go, life just gets easier. After all, the past doesn’t exist. It’s all in your head, and if you let it control you, then your basically a servant to your own past doings. So, let it go. The past you is not the you today. People change, things change, everything changes. So why live in the past. Let it go.

We also become so invested in the future that we end up being overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and fearful, mostly of what’s gonna happen next. There is a saying that worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.

We think so much ahead that we end up forgetting the beauty of what is the essence of living today, and we end up ruining the potential life has to offer to us in the present because we were so focused on what’s gonna happen next.

Think today, because today is not gonna happen again, so experience it with a smile, and a happy heart. After all, today is always a gift. That’s why they call it the present. So live like life had given you a gift to be alive, don’t focus on what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Live life to the best of your potential.

I was very young at the time and wasn’t able to comprehend the meaning behind those words. But now, as I’m older I finally understood how deep those saying were, and how much it can really impact your life when you apply it to yourself. Trust me, it will really help to let go of your past, and avoiding the disturbance of the thought of the future

Username: Benedict2005

I feel like nobody gets this life lesson, and either is happy in spite of it, or depressed because they don't understand it. So here it is. Nobody gives a shit. Not about you.

Not about others. Not about work. Not about school. Everybody is only in it for themselves. Even the ones who spend large amounts of time helping others, are doing it because it makes themselves feel valued. They're not. Nobody is valued. The vast vast majority of people wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

So here's what you can do with this information. You can either claim I'm a pessimist who doesn't see the beauty in the world. Meanwhile not changing your own behavior to reflect this information.

OR, You can treat it for what it is. A neutral fact of life. I'm not saying this as an insult to anyone. It would be like saying "Lions are dangerous", but for some reason people disregard that and try to pet the lions. Meanwhile I'm not getting out of the car, and I'm gripping any gun near me if the lions approach the car.

My takeaway from learning that the world doesn't care, is to care for others. Trying to change the world is hard when nobody wants to listen. Everyone wants to think that all these people care about them, and that you're allowed to have a safe space. You're not. Your safe space isn't safe. Some psycho could put a bomb outside of your home and blow it up for no reason. It's not likely, but it's possible.

My response is to stay as well guarded as I can. Guard those I care about. Try to filter out the negativity of this world, but never make the mistake of thinking that the world will ever be appreciative of any efforts I make. Your good deeds in this world will not be taken as good deeds.

They will be taken as a target for the next person to pray on. Always remember, you are nothing. Everyone is nothing. Strength in numbers is nothing. And 100 years from now, no one will even remember you existed.

Username: Lost-My-Mind-

You can have all the ambition and street smarts in the world. You can dream big, plan your whole life out, and make the best choices. You can even be privileged in certain ways or have certain advantages. You can do everything right. Despite all that, you can still be royally screwed.

Life can and will throw you curveballs. When you have your life planned out, your life laughs in your face. Life has a way of being bound and determined to throw so many obstacles at you that you that it can permanently derail the course of your entire life.

I had big plans for myself. I was going to go to college, get a degree, leave my narcissist alcoholic mother in my dust forever, and live out the rest of my life in financial stability and peace. I stayed away from drugs, avoided any legal issues, and made all the right choices. Then I got sick.

It took me 13 years to get diagnosed with a rare genetic disease. During those 13 years, I tried to finish out my education, tried working, and I gave it my all. But the car won't go if there's no gas in it. I've since been fighting for disability for 15 years.

I've appealed, gotten a lawyer, had multiple court dates, the whole nine. I've since been diagnosed with twelve more illnesses. But I guess it's not enough. In the mean time, I've stared homelessness in the face multiple times.

I've been living in a women's shelter for 2 years, and while I love it here and while I am forever grateful to and indebted to this godsend of a place, this isn't what I imagined for myself. I did everything right and still ended up royally screwed. Don't think that it won't happen to you, too.

Username: dee62383

You never have as much time as you think you do. The dumbest thing I did in my 20s was staying quiet and not talking to my parents more.

We had a bit of a rocky relationship while I was in high school (which, I can imagine, isn't uncommon) but after I moved away from home for a few years I didn't do as much as I probably could to check in and really try to rebuild the bridges that had been singed while still living back home. But when I do I hear my mom and dad's laughs as we catch up, two of my favorite sounds for my entire life, and everything is fine.

Then while at work one morning my dad calls me, and tells me he has ALS. They caught it very early, he was always an active person and noticed little changes over time that tipped him to something funky going on.

Flash forward to two years later, and I'm moving back home to be closer to family. Even so, I'm so wrapped up in college and work that I tell myself that I don't have much time to visit home. My dad makes trips to see me more than I do the same in return.

A few years after that and my dad has beaten all of his doctor's expectations regarding how long he had after his diagnosis. But he's lost half his body weight, can't get anywhere without a powered wheelchair, and he can't talk.

I realize one day while I'm visiting that I'm never going to hear his laugh ever again, and I feel this weight on my shoulders that I can't explain. I wanted to tell him so many things, but knowing he couldn't say anything back tripped me up. So I kept quiet. A few months later, he was gone.

My mom was one of the strongest people I've ever known. She loved her kids unabashedly, and my dad just as fiercely. After he was gone, she was more quiet. Took to staying in more than she used to. I tried what I assumed was my best to visit, to call, but again I was working full time while finishing a degree and a teaching credential.

The visits were never as long as they could have been, and the calls were just the same. Inside I wanted to tell her how much I thought about her, my dad, my siblings, and our family, and how much it meant to me even if I didn't show it as much as I should have outright. But again, I kept quiet.

Barely a year after my dad passed, my mom went to the hospital with chest pain. She thought she had bruised or cracked a rib somehow. One x-ray was all it took to see the cancer. It had quietly metastasized its way from her lungs, to her lymph nodes, and her brain. Barely four weeks after her first hospital visit, she was gone. I was 27. Not even thirty years old, and I'd never hear my parent's voices ever again.

Not everyone has the same relationship with their loved ones. Sometimes, you can do what you can to be on good terms and it just doesn't work out the way you want it. But it took losing my parents to teach me how important it really is to keep those who love you close and to make sure they know just how much you love them by showing them AND telling them. Celebrate shared love. Nothing lasts forever. Don't keep quiet.

Username: SnaggyKrab

This lesson I managed to learn on my own. Just be yourself. Sounds cliche, I know, but it took me seventeen years to really figure out just what exactly this phrase meant.

Humans are social creatures. We tend to overlook ourselves in the pursuit of others in a lot of cases, which can lead to damaging results for everyone involved. We tend to take on certain personalities based on who we're dealing with, which can be advantageous in certain situations, but in the long run it really messes us up.

In my case, I used to be such a people-pleaser that I completely lost sight of who I really was because all I was doing was taking on personalities to try to get along with people.

I've learned that you'll always be disliked by somebody, no matter who you are or who you pretend to be. There will always be someone who hates your guts just for existing. So the best thing you can do is just... Exist. Don't try to get on their side, don't try to gain their trust. Just go about your life as if nothing changed at all with their arrival or departure.

The inverse is true. No matter who you are, somebody, somewhere out there will like you. I've learned that it's so much better to have a few great friends than a thousand people who enjoy just a few things about you because you try to play a part that people will enjoy. Someone out there loves you. It may not be your family, it may not be who you expect, but someone does.

Additionally, being who you are and acknowledging who you are will help you become who you want to be. You'll start noticing things you like or even love about yourself, and at the same time notice things you don't like and want to change.

Watch your own behavior instead of looking at how other people think you should be. You'll notice things about yourself you've taken from others, some things you've forced on yourself. One great example of this in myself was my laugh. I used to laugh in such a stereotypical way, and when I noticed it I realized how unhappy it was really making me.

I realized that by holding back, and unconsciously focusing on how I was laughing, I became less able to really enjoy things that I was even laughing at in the first place. I stopped that shit immediately. I have such a contagious, unique laugh if I just let it happen, like the joker's laugh but faster, and more genuine.

And that's just one example of the things I've been able to change about myself just by being myself, imagine what you could do! I first heard the phrase, "just be yourself" at 5 years old. I finally realized what it meant on the day I turned 22, about a year and a half ago.

I'm still learning how to put it into practice, but I'll never forget it, or what it really means to be myself. The best life advice I've ever learned, and everyone throws it around without giving it the importance it deserves.

Username: ZachTheInsaneOne

Saving money is important. Also that you can never get your time back. Somewhat of a TW if anyone doesn't like to talk about mortality: Not as hard of a learning experience as I'm sure many, many people have had, but it still rings true for me.

Long story short, I want to move incredibly far from where I currently am. I cannot stand where I live. There are many reasons, but the biggest is that it's turned me into someone worse overall. I'm resolving to change it.

However, as many will know, moving is incredibly expensive. It takes a lot of will to save your money when you have fairly few obligations, and so I spent money. A lot. I lived one day to the next, never really caring about what the next day would bring me. I never thought about my life more than about two weeks into the future. It sucked.

I had an epiphany that I cannot get my time back, and that if i don't act now, I'll die feeling unfulfilled, being buried in a place I hate, having nothing that I've ever truly wanted. If there's nothing at the end of this life, then I wasted it. So, i started realizing what I wanted.

Very slowly, it pieced itself together. It also helped that i realized that, if i just saved three years ago, I would've hit my savings goal and could've moved NOW. I didn't, though. I squandered it. I let my lassaiz-faire attitude of life translate into an incredibly bleak existence. It had to stop.

And so, recently, three years too late, I'm saving to move to the one place i want to live. It won't be perfect. It will have its own challenges, but it'll be far, far better than anything this area could ever offer me.

What hit this as a "hard lesson" to me, in a sense, was that I will never be able to get that time back. I won't be able to get the time back today if i waste it and stop saving. I'll have lived a miserable life where I always pushed my dreams to "someday" rather than "now".

Username: GreatKublaiKhan

I am learning to try to understand and forgive my own issues. This is 2-fold. I want to be a better person and have a more positive outlook on the portion of life I control (most of it honestly). I also fell into a trap of being guilty internally of my failures that negatively affected my family.

I found that it allowed my wife to be a horrible person and keep me believing that I was completely accountable for all of the family problems. She made sure that any shortcoming was advertised, meanwhile she cheated, left, had someone's baby as soon as we separated.

When that went to hell for her, I went back for more only to watch a cycle repeat. I was weak and felt like I had no business calling her out for "mistakes" because I wasn't perfect, but far from any of her bewildering actions. Well, she got worse. Lying, cheating, blaming, etc.

After 20 years of a rollercoaster marriage, we separate again. We have a on/off situationship while she runs wild with numerous people. Everytime something went downhill, it was me back in spotlight, however briefly, just enough to break me down.

I was let down harshly a handful of times. Finally couldn't take it anymore. I started fighting back and quickly realized it had been this way all along. I just wasn't willing to face it. Whether she is a complete narc, broken selfish human or somewhere in-between, I realized that I was part of the reason she treated me like utter shit, because I just let her.

During this separation, I stayed more out of the picture for longer periods. My kids (the ones that stayed with her, all minors) started losing their respect for her and actually started resenting her. I tried to talk to her, but nothing I say will help her. I am slowly trying to flip my life in a more.positive direction and not give in to her again when the next tough patch for her comes around which will be soon.

Username: Additional_Long4004

I learned that I am not invincible when I was 15. I always knew that I wasn't *really* invincible, but you never really consider the possibility that really bad things can happen to you when you're a teenager with no real world problems.

I was riding a dirt bike in a quarry with another kid (who was only 12) and while going up a steep hill, the dirt was too loose and I fell backwards off the bike. The bike was coming down on top of me as I fell, so I tried to push it to the side and got my pinky stuck in the back sprocket, essentially twisting it off.

I was wearing heavy gloves, so my hand just got stuck in the sprocket. I had to stand there on the side of the hill, holding the bike so it didn't tumble down to the bottom - waiting for someone to come by and pull in the clutch so I could rotate the tire enough to get my hand out.

Some older kids showed up on their own dirt bikes and came to help me when I waved them down. After I got my hand out, I assumed my pinky was broken because I could barely feel it, but they told me to take the glove off. When I did, my pinky flopped out, hanging by about a centimeter of skin.

I was in shock and all I could say was "I just lost a finger". The kid I was there with started crying immediately. Luckily, the two older kids had cool heads - loaded up all of our bikes, wrapped my hand in a clean pair of socks, and drove me to the hospital.

Because of those two, I was able to have my finger reattached (though it is horribly scarred). My parents gave them money to thank them when they arrived at the hospital, but they left and we never saw them again. I didn't even get their names. They were real life heroes to teenage me.

Username: Cheese_Pancakes

Treat people the way you want to be treated. I’ve seen this many times in my life and lots of people think they can treat others any way they feel like without repercussions.

For example: My oldest brother in the past couple of years burned bridges with every single person in our family for the most part. At least with everyone in our immediate family. He said very hurtful things that are hard to forgive and all because he didn’t get his way with something. He even said he doesn’t need us as his family, he is fine without us.

Fast forward to recently when he wanted to buy a house. He was short $15k for the down payment so he reached out to our very successful cousin and asked if he could loan him the $ he was short to buy a house.

Since my cousin knows how my brother is in general, he decided before he said yes or no, that he needed to take a general consensus from the family on whether he should loan him the money and whether my brother has made any attempt at apologizing or trying to repair the relationships that he damaged in the last couple of years.

The general consensus from the family is NO he has not tried to apologize or amend things (well until now, since he needs $ for this house purchase) Then all of a sudden, he was making some calls.

Moral of this story: from what it looks like, the general consensus from our family is not looking good for my brother. So, I guess this is a lesson learned for him (hopefully) to just be nice and treat others with respect, don’t say hurtful things and burn bridges... especially with your family! You usually will always get what you put out back in return in some way or another. Karma is real!

Username: Mandee_707

I've learned about the spectrum of the goodness of people. Good people do good things, bad people do bad things, but there's a giant range between the two extremes that do what's convenient and what the prevalent influences sway them to do.

* There are those who are morally good, who would do good even at personal cost to themselves. These do the right thing in spite of everything that incentivizes wrong behavior. I'll call these the 'heroes'.

* There are those who are evil, and who go out of their way to do evil things, who seek out evil. These will do the wrong thing in spite of having been given every opportunity to do right, in spite of every incentive to do right behavior. I'll call these the 'villains'.

* The giant spread of people between the two ends all have their price at which they fold and compromise to evil, and their differing susceptibility to influence, whether for good or for evil. If the heroes prevail, they sway these middle folk and set up conditions where the bulk of the people are incentivized to do good and disincentivized to do bad, and good generally prevails.

If the villains prevail, they set up conditions which incentivize evil or give people excuses to justify the evil they do. By this, they sway the middle of the spectrum, and evil generally prevails.

It only takes a handful of evil influencers to really corrupt a lot of people. This lesson also comes from the Book of Proverbs. ("Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.") It's the 80/20 rule on both ends. Most of the good and most of the evil come from a small percentage of the people who instigate the rest, and the rest go with the flow.

Username: Berkamin

No one gives a fuck about you besides yourself. Self-care will go further than anything else. If you don't take care of your health early on, you will start to feel it... early on

If you work, nothing is that serious. After a deployment myself and hearing the stories of many before me and stories from people who were serving with me at that time, nothing in the civilian side is that fucking important. You should not be so stressed out that you develop ulcers or acne.

Trust me, when you do the life or death fight, none of this shit handed down to you last minute is worth your time or stress. If they want to give you an unrealistic deadline than give them a half ass completed job and explain that with a more reasonable timeline you could OVER perform the task.

Communication, good communication, is important in EVERY aspect of life. It's better to be known as a dick than a wuss. In other words, it's better to be honest than it is to try and walk the tightrope or beat around the bush. Might hurt some feelings but it is what it is.

Real shit, don't be an asshole, you don't have to speak disrespectfully, but be honest. I need this or that from an employer. Co-worker asks for your opinion? Let them know that if they ask for your opinion that you will give it to them.

Make sure they acknowledge this. Then speak your mind since they asked. Again, be RESPECTFUL about it though. "I don't like it" and "you look like the Michelin man" are completely different sentences...

Username: a3arrow

That it's gonna be way harder than you think. Sure, you might fall into debt, break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, be bullied, or have a teen pregnancy. But you just gotta learn to push through it. How boring would life be if you didn't stress, or get nervous, or angry, or sad?

It would just be a monotonous loop. If you can't beat the pain, work with it. You may have had your family abandon you, people hurt you, or even try to kill you. You might not even have a family. Shrug it off. Your past determines your future, so don't waste the present thinking about previous events. Yes, it was sad, no denying that. Just go with the flow.

Think about it this way: you were born with a purpose. It's no coincidence that you came into the world. I know for a fact that you're probably sitting there, not knowing WTF to do with your life. You have to search for it. Opportunities don't just show up randomly like in movies.

Actually, physically look for them. There's no point just wondering if you were just an accident, whether you were the result of a teen's first fling or a result of rape. So what? Who cares? Don't think suicidal thoughts. If you do, you'll never know what you could have accomplished. Don't just hope and pray for your dreams, work hard for them (Lilly Singh).

No matter how depressing, no matter how mental, no matter how catastrophic, just remember, that life will always find a way. Your skin isn't paper, don't cut it. Your face isn't a mask, don't cover it. Your body isn't a book, don't judge it. Your life isn't a film. Don't end it. Just thought someone needed to hear this today.

Username: BeautyQueen023

"That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem". I learned this in recovery and it has helped me immensely. I remember being in a group session when I learned it. We were a smallish group who had been together for over a year.

One group member was struggling to get sober, talking about how he still needed pot and booze to help him cope with his marriage and his living situation. Everyone in the group was being supportive of him, but I had hit my breaking point with this, after hearing the same story week after week.

I told him, much more eloquently, to shit or get off the pot, that his problems won't go away with pot and booze, and that we were there to support him getting sober, not him saying "the time isn't right". Well, the guy ended up storming off and not coming back to group that day.

I called my counsellor, who happened to be the moderator of the group, because I was all torn up inside. I knew what I did was right, but I felt that it would be my fault if he didn't come back. And that's when I learned my lesson.

She validated my feelings about what I said, but that if he didn't come back to group that it would be his decision. I could only own my feelings and actions, not the feelings and actions of others.

Once I learned that lesson, recovery became a whole lot easier because I had the tendency to take on ownership of others feelings and actions. It wasn't just recovery, but my entire outlook on life. I became happier, my relationships with people became better, my work situation improved, and I picked up a new saying...Not my circus, not my monkeys!

Username: Gnuhouse

Im maybe to late but after a big divorce between ny parents and rough teenage years my teacher told me ''stop punish yourself for the mistakes of others. You can cry when you are hurt '' And I got comforted for the first time after the divorce of my parents. ( 5 years )

I felt responsible for a lot what happend and I always needed to be happy. If i showed when i was sad or unhappy my dad would just say '' yeah im depressed so grow a pair oke? And its your fault that im depressed ''

My teacher asked me about my family after a meeting with my dad. She asked '' do you know how hardworking your son is? He couldn't use proper grammar ( Dutch grammar ) and he signed every freechoice hour to get better ''

My dad: yeah oke. But how is his attitude with you? A home his attitude is shit. My teacher had a moment of clarity and just said:

'' Your son is the most well behaved of the class. He is nice to others and always wants to help. Your should be proud of him. But now you choose to be a bad parent. Your son knows his flaws and want to improve. Take his example, your son is a better adult than you and he is 15. goodbye sir. '' He had no reply.

She told me this 10 years later when i needed to visit the school for my work. I teared up a little bit but not out of pain but I never thought someone stood up to him like that and or look after me without boosting. My dad only wanted to do something if he could show to others how great he was as a dad. Without her i could never be where i am now. She has a bigger place in my heart than both of my parents.

Username: mh-1994

It is no longer the case that just by being exceptionally good at something and wanting it the most will lead to you eventually getting that thing.

In the modern day, nepotism, or "human capital" is the currency that buys people into positions of success. And I'm not talking about things that have been difficult by design, like being a lawyer or doctor.

I wanted to be a video journalist, or a 'news cameraman', went to school, worked as a freelancer for a few years but the journalism industry wants to spend more on emerging technology and less on people they have to salary. I know many people my age (29) in other feilds that have had no success due to industries gatekeeping.

Conversely, I have met boomers who have received the highest commendation in their feild, as a highschool dropout who "wanted something to do as a teenager" in the 60s.

I worked with one guy from my hometown who said he hung around the local hospital as a teenager and they "just told me to sweep the floors". He dropped out of highschool and then went into the, then, 2 month long EMT program, worked for a handful of years until he started making the policy for paramedics, which ultimately led to new paramedics having it incredibly difficult to join or stay in the feild. After 40 years of writing policy, he was given the Order Of Canada. As a highschool dropout, you can't do that now.

Username: [deleted]

If you don’t like your career/field, immediately prioritize changing course. You will not get used to a job you hate. The majority of jobs will not pay you enough to justify suffering through it over years.

Friends, fun, partners and family in your off hours may “feel” like they make up for resenting your work but: friends come and go, families grow distant more often than closer with age. People are going to let you down, including your spouse and these relationships can unravel quickly.

At 27 I began making *fantastic* money at my job. More than most my age. But I never really liked it, in fact I thought it was pretty boring and tedious. It became difficult to muster up motivation that would keep me leveling up, so my salary stayed flat.

At 37 now, and was laid off last year. I’m single, many of my friends have drifted away, I see my family a handful of times per year. I have fun hobbies but none of that comes for free, and I get tired a lot easier at this age.

Also, I’m now a specialist in what I do. Searching for work in my field has felt like wandering in a depressing fog, which doesn’t make applying for jobs, working my network or interviewing very easy.

I’ve finally resigned to the fact I have to go back to school to change careers. I should have done this 10 years ago. None of that time is ever coming back.

Username: xvn520