Party-Goers Are Revealing the Weirdest, Grossest, and Wildest Things They've Ever Seen

These stories are all from separate parties. I was a preachers daughter and took full advantage of my parents' frequent overnight church related activities. This guy was 20 at the time of the incident.

He was out of his mind drunk and pooped himself. He was totally unaware of it and no knew where the smell was coming from until the incident happened. I guess his ass became itchy, and upon shoving his hand down his pants to scratch his ass he came back with a handful of poop.

Yep, a handful of poop and he wipes it on this poor girl walking by. She screamed like she was on fire ( I would too) and stood there until she was ushered off by friends to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, the guy was trying to avoid an ass beating of a lifetime. Luckily for him, no one wanted to fight with a dude with a basically caked in shit. He found a hose and cleaned himself best he could and slunk away.

This guy was my brother's friend from HS, and I was told this guy doesn't party. Come the night of the party, the dude walks in the door, pulls out a 5th of vodka, and downs the entire bottle. A moment later, he is vomiting exorcist style in my living room.

This guy ate a heavy meal beforehand, so you can imagine the mess. He was trying to make it to the kitchen while vomiting because everyone was screaming at him, "Not on the carpet." He made it to the kitchen while still vomiting.

Once he was done, he promptly slipped in it and cracked his head open. Now, the floor is covered with vomit and blood. Thankfully, we had two DD's on site, and one of them took him to ER while we cleaned up the mess.

Another guy crashed on our couch after a party and must have peed some time during the night. He left very quickly and without a word. My friend Ben sat on the couch and got ass full of pee, completely soaking his ass. Oddly enough, we never heard from that guy ever again. Ben is still in therapy.

My brother was entering his skank phase and brought skanks over all time, especially when we had parties. One skank disappeared into the bathroom and took a 2 hour long shower. Given past events, I figured something happened, and I didn't want to know.

However, she took a two hour shower in the only available bathroom. No one was allowed in my parents' room where the second bathroom was located, so a two hour shower was ridiculous. She finally gets done with the shower, and the bathroom is a wreck.

Multiple towels on the floor that somehow missed the puddles on the floor. The bathtub is FULL of pubes and upon further inspection, there were pubes on literally everything. All four walls had pubes on them. Every single one of my razors had pubes in them.

She helped herself to a whole refill of my razors. I told my brother his skank had to go and showed him why. He told the skank she had to go and she told him it was me who did that to the bathroom and that we don't know her and so on.

Full on Jerry springer moment. She left with my brother after trying to fight me. He got a BJ out of it and said it wasn't worth the mess he had to clean afterward.

Username: Azrellathecat

As a 19 year old, I went to a huge Halloween party in Lawrence, KS (home of Kansas University). I was in town for a concert, and we all went out with a friend of a friend type deal because I didn't know a damn person in town. Out on some distant, barely light cul-de-sac at the edge of town was the hugest damn party I've ever seen.

They had at least 20 kegs. There was a full wet bar inside set up with a line backed up to what seemed like a mile. There were 3 stories on the house that were completely packed, and that didn't even include the basement (more on that later).

In the lit-up backyard where there were many of the kegs, was a massive throng of people. When I got out there, I saw the crowd gathered around a Captain Jack Sparrow "fighting" a Captain Morgan with real swords. They wound up slashing up a watermelon to loud cheers.

At this point, I suppose I should probably mention that I was dressed up like Napoleon Dynamite at the peak of its popularity (a year or so after it came out). I pulled it off perfectly, with a thick mop of blonde hair so curly it was fro-like, down to the snow boots, Vote for Pedro t-shirt, awkward fitting jeans and klunkly glasses. I could even do a spot on voice too.

Before I knew it, I had a massive line of people forming to take pictures with me. I seriously spent probably a full hour posing for pictures non-stop, which I was ok with because most of them were some of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. I think some of them must have thought I was the actual guy who played Napoleon or something.

Finally after standing for probably half an hour with an empty beer, I just threw my beer and yelled, "You guys are retarded!" in a deadpan Napoleon Dynamite voice. I ran away from the long line in that awkward lurch from the movie and the entire crowd was roaring with laughter.

I spent the entire rest of the party of what had to be at least a 1,000 people as a huge hit. And I knew absolutely no one there except my roommate and his friend that actually lived in town. A few highlights:

* A black guy that thought my hair was a wig came up and tugged on it. He apologized profusely after he realized it was real.
* One of the hottest chicks I've ever seen claimed the house was hers and invited me to the basement to smoke weed with her. She added that we would be all alone.

* After the cops busted the place up, a party of about 2-3 hundred people reformed inside the house only (the crowd of people that spilled over into front and back yards dispersed). They wouldn't let my roommate's buddy in despite the fact he could name several people he knew that lived there. After I walked up, the guy was like, "Hey, Napoleon, come on in!" I quietly let my friends in behind me.

* In one weird exchange, a couple of chicks humped my leg from either side. I also talked a few chicks into flashing me before posing for pictures.

This was right after facebook first blew up on college campuses, but well before it was prevalent on cell phones. I always wondered how many KU students' profile pics I was a part of.

Username: Maester_May

I went to a party inside of a former Sunglass Hut in Chicago in 2009. The store was probably abandoned during the recession and bank owned. Around 200-300 people attended.

This was a Chicago underground party, so there were live DJs and cheap beer. ($2 PBRs) 200+ people dancing in unison on a hardwood floor = hardwood floor breaks. Half way through the night the floor started to give out in certain sections of the building.

The building as PACKED, body to body from front to back. Cops eventually showed up, about 100 people went next door to the McDonalds for their 3 am munchies. The rest scattered.

Those Chicago police trucks that look like modified ambulances showed up in force and started arresting people. A small riot broke out in the streets. Lots of fighting and pepper spray in the streets. It was chaos.

I went to another party in Chicago that was in the basement of a pretty big apartment complex. It was pay at the door, byob, live music, cheap drinks, etc. Underground and underage as fuck. People started stealing the light bulbs from the ceiling.

There were probably 250 people there, most shit faced drunk or high. There was no bathroom, so guys and girls pissed on the floor in one of the rooms that had a drain. Toward the end of the evening, all of the light bulbs had been stolen.

People were using their cell phones to navigate through the maze of an underground basement that we were in. The money from the entrance fees was stolen. Cops showed up, everyone left, as usual.

MYOUR house, 2009. Pretty popular hipster/homosexual/general weekend party house in the southside of chicago. They decided to throw a toga party one weekend. Probably 400+ people showed up and crammed into a 3000 sq foot multi story building.

Lots of drugs, lots of alcohol. Free jungle juice while it lasted. It got to a point at the end of the night that the people hosting the party were paying people to start dragging the passed out people outside. People were being left in the back of the their cars or sometimes just on the outside of the building.

Cops were called many times. At myour house, there were usually so many people that the cops wouldn't even both trying to arrest anyone. IT was legendary. Lots of popular DJs played there, live, on the weekends in 2009.

House party in the Chicago suburbs in 2008. Easily 200+ people packed into a very family oriented home in Bolingbrook. It was probably 1500 square feet, not including the basement. What started as a basement party ended up consuming the entire house.

Hundreds of teenagers were raging between 9 and 1am. People started fighting, punching holes into walls, breaking furniture, etc. The fridges were raided by the pot heads, the liquor cabinets in the kitchen were emptied and everyone was ruining shit.

I got hit in the head with a baseball bat at that party. I had 15 staples in my head. I ended up writing "fuck you", in my own blood, on the car hood of the person who hit me with the baseball bat.

Crazy night. Cops were called and most of the people left. I ended up covered in blood and in the hospital that night. Oddly, the Bolingbrook party was way more ghetto than the parties in the south side of Chicago.

Username: adam784

This one is a shitty story, I almost die in it. When I was in the military I threw a party in my two bedroom apartment that had a theme, superheroes and lingerie.

Guys were superheroes, girls -->underwear. This girl I was dating at the time had really huge breasts and decided to wear particularly skimpy lingerie. I told her it was a bad idea, but I'm not controlling at all so I let her do what she wanted.

The party was only supposed to be about 10-12 people, but it quickly grew out of control. Soon there was barely enough room in the apartment to even move. There must have been about 50 people in that small place. Anyways, I was talking to this other girl when I hear my girl friend screaming.

I ran over and there was this huge black guy (he must have been 6'15 or something) and he was rubbing cheezits (wtf?) in her cleavage. I had been drinking enough to have a little extra courage, so I ran over to him.
The plan was to push him over, but that didn't work out so well. Instead when I collided with him, full force, he didn't budge. I sort of just bounced off of him.

I felt pretty insignificant at this point in the story. He then looked at me like someone would look at a fly buzzing around his strawberry parfait. His exact words were "What do you think you are going to do, white boy? I will bend you in fucking half!"

There was a large brick of shit falling from my pants to the floor as I looked up at this massive hulk of a human being. I needed a weapon if I was going to even survive this encounter, so I grabbed a beer bottle and broke it against a wall. The huge black guy laughed. He turned to his friend, lifted the guy's shirt, and pulled out a gun. He then cocked it and put it to my head.

All I can remember thinking was that I was going to die right in my own living room, how ironic. It was the end, I was fucked.
Out of no where, I hear another gun cock. This one is pointed at the big black guy's head. There is another guy I am in the military with, we will call him Alex, and he is telling the black guy that he will die before my body hits the floor.

So here I am, in the middle of a Mexican standoff without a gun, holding half of a beer bottle. I am absolutely losing my shit. I am frozen in fear and all I could think about was how to get out of this mess.

That's when another friend of mine steps in between me and the black guy holding the gun! This was the most incredible act of bravery I have ever seen anyone do irl. He somehow got this huge guy to budge, and a group of people collectively forced him out of the apartment.

Just about everyone had seen what happened, so all of the males (mostly military) were on my side. About 10 guys got together and they beat the crap out of this black guy.

A full beer was broken over his head and his face was severely mangled when all was said and done. He ran off with his buddies and we never heard from him again.

Username: imn0tg00d

So following a concert at my high school, some guy foolishly offered up his home for a party, as it was on the market to be sold and he'd already moved house. I reckon he expected maybe about 20 to 30 people. He got 200.

I remember entering the party and just being greeted to scenes of pure teenage chaos. They'd converted one of the rooms upstairs to what was essentially a rave room, and the ceiling downstairs was shaking and looked close to caving in.

There were two guys going around on a child's tricycle and charging at walls, because hell, why not? One guy was laughing hysterically at an oven - and upon peering inside I saw he was melting a Barbie doll.

Some guy was screaming upstairs because somebody had ripped all the buttons off his shirt - not because he'd been punched repeatedly and was bleeding everywhere, no, because of his missing buttons.

People were pissing off a balcony. Some guy who we nicknamed "The Bruiser" for the evening was just walking about causing destruction. He ripped a door from its hinges and grabbed a plug socket and pulled it clean off the wall. He also jumped up and down and broke a floorboard and somehow caused broke every light upstairs.

He then went to the patio door and pulled that clean off its hinges also, exposing us to the elements. Did I mention it was snowing? Yeah, we were treated then to people charging in through the now open patio door with armfuls of snow and throwing it everywhere.

If you needed the bathroom, you were fucked, as it had been invaded by people doing a shitload of drugs. Guess that was why people were pissing off the balcony, in retrospect. Girls were lying passed out, people were vomiting everywhere, it was a warzone. Supposedly you could hear the party four streets over. Unsurprisingly, eventually the police turned up.

Everyone ran - the bathroom cleared out quick, passed out individuals came out from their stupor and the guy who was throwing the party went white as Mitt Romney. I ran through the patio doors and found a garage to hide behind where a few people were gathered.

One of the guys who hid with me looked very uncomfortable. I asked him: "Dude, uh, are you okay?" He turned me and just started laughing "Yeah man, really could go for a piss right now though, hahaha." I told him just piss here, nobody would give a shit, but he refused.

Five minutes later, I asked him if he was still needing a piss, and he told me he was fine now. I looked down at his trousers, and lo and behold, he had pissed himself.

I went back in the morning to pick up some stuff I'd left, which surprisingly was still there, and to chat with the host. It seems he'd gotten off okay - the police just gave him a warning, his parents didn't seem to give a shit beyond telling him he couldn't have a party like that at their new home.

His house though, did not get off okay - it looked like a hurricane had barrelled right through it. It was genuinely the best party I've ever been to, I regret I don't think I'll see another like it.

Username: Jammoy

Summer 1991. Hubs and I (we were engaged at the time) were at this busy dive bar kinda place with a band on a Friday night for some drinks. Place was hopping, band was playing. It was packed, loud and hot. It was after midnight but not that close to last call yet, so everyone was getting good and drunk.

We don’t know what happened, but two guys get into it. Of course they’re both with groups of friends. Fight breaks out, and it snowballs into a multi-fighter brawl. There was at least a dozen fights going on, and other people are getting involved with each other, and it’s quickly getting out of control. There was one bouncer and three bartenders, and they weren’t getting involved.

This girl who was on the edge of the fight watching it along with everyone else. She was not involved, I don’t even think she was with either of the groups of guys either, but she wound up taking an elbow to the nose and mouth. It was like her poor nose just exploded, blood spewed everywhere. The girl standing next to her immediately threw up at the sight, which caused another girl to throw up.

Meanwhile the fight is still raging on through all of this. Again, this was a hot crowded bar—which was now stinking of puke. You know how when you see someone gag, you gag too, or you see someone puke or smell it, you start gagging?

And when you’re drunk and gagging and smelling puke... Yeah, more people started puking. And now it’s getting everywhere and the dudes fighting are and rolling in it. People are slipping in it and falling as they try to get away from puke-a-polooza.

I’ve never seen or experienced anything like that in my life. Fortunately my husband and I were on the other side of the bar away from the mess and the melee. We were up on our knees on our stools trying to watch over the bar and the crowd. We grabbed lime wedges and smeared them over our noses to mask the smell — it didn’t work.

The cops came, and broke it up. People got arrested. Ambulances showed up, people needed to be hydrated and one took the bloody girl away. My husband and I made it out unscathed and unsoiled. We took our shoes off before we got in the car though and put them in the trunk.

The sad part of all this was at the time my husband and I were just engaged and saving for a house, so going out to a bar was an extremely rare thing for us. We were so excited to be out that night. And we woke up the next morning, looked at each other like did that happen?

We went back to our usual weekend activity of renting movies from Blockbuster, having a few beers at home and ordering a pizza. It was a long, long time before we ever went out again, and when we returned to that bar again, over a year later, both of us swore we could still smell that night in the air.

Username: thatgoaliesmom

This incident is still referred to as The Great Flying Boner Punch of 2016. I'll keep this as short as I can but it's one of my top 3 favorite party moments of all time and I have seen some SHIT.

A few of my friends threw an acid/cocaine/Molly fueled Halloween kegger with like 200 people and the demographic of attendees was an even split between ski/snowboard instructors/mountain scum and engineers/doctors which are two unlikely groups to mesh together but I can assure you everyone there was at the very least semi-pro at sending it and for some reason we all got along perfectly.

One of the dudes that lived in the house was a doctor and was also a drummer in a shitty garage punk band. They were playing for a little bit, and then Dr. Mike (who is a hot headed assbag a lot of the time, especially when he's fucked up) dipped out to go bang his girlfriend but not before adamantly screaming for nobody to touch his drumset.

At this time I'm about 6 hits to the wind and living my best life so imagine my delight when I notice an extremely coked out grown man dressed in a child's Sailor Moon costume sit behind Dr. Mike's drums. I nudge my boyfriend at the time and we both just sat back because we knew shit was about to get buck.

Sailor Moon starts goin to town on these drums and within less than a minute there is the absolute *bang* of a door being slammed open, a fury of angry stomps out down the hallway, and Dr. Mike appears red faced, in nothing but boxers with a RAGING hard on, jumps OVER HIS DRUMSET, hits the cymbal with his foot while simultaneously laying an absolute whammer right in Sailor Moon's face, breaking his nose and his glasses in one fell swoop.

Blood everywhere, Dr. Mike screaming "I FUCKING TOLD YOU, BRADY", Sailor Moon (Brady) is sobbing on the floor, and his balls are falling out of his bikini briefs underneath this child's costume skirt, and the entire party goes silent.

Sailor Moon gets up and runs out of the front door and all of a sudden the absolute ruckus from everyone just erupts. Not only is it one of the most ridiculous things I've ever witnessed in general but to see it when you're spun the fuck out and so are 80% of the other people around you... it was just absolute magic.

Anyway, Dr. Mike's girlfriend left and he ended up banging some 21 year old girl dressed as a fox who ended up doing so many whip-its she phished out and cried because Dr. Mike told her he wasn't in love with her, and the next day his girlfriend dumped him.

Moral of the story - there isn't one, but I advise you to listen when a doctor doing cocaine tells you not to touch their drumset.

Username: subconscioussunflowa

It was a standard Friday night block party in a British Army infantry battalion. The blokes had bought copious amounts of alcohol, enough to satisfy an entire nightclub, and the shenanigans started off with some initiations of the new soldiers.

Drinking mixed booze, piss, and cigarette butts, all mixed in a used mop bucket. Shortly after, the guys are made to stand with toilet paper hanging out their arse which is soon set alight, with the last one to flinch wins and is exempt from punishment in the gauntlet (running through the corridor while everyone punches them).

Towards the end of initiations, one TA reservist was dragged through a long line of his own vomit and piss, effectively mopping up the scene. He then began to puke red liquid from his mouth while giving a hearty thumbs up. He was quickly doused in beer for being a good sport and left passed out on the floor in the recovery position.

Later in the evening, boys are getting boisterous and flexing how they can perform a handstand and chug a beer bottle through their arse, which explodes out minutes after. After some time, members of the platoon become extremely horny at the sight of genitalia and proceed to perform felatio on one another, until a male returns from the NAAFI (shop) with a female.

This arouses the platoon, but the first male has already taken her into his bedroom. After hours of desperate banging, the door opens, and inside was a scene from Star Wars being renacted where an illuminated vehicle guiding light was being used as a light sabre and being thrusted into the female.

The stench from the room was strong and pungent enough to wake the living dead that had previously passed out on the floor. Three soldiers participating in an orgy with this rather larger lady.

It became quickly apparent that the female in question was no ordinary female. This female was a Sergeant Major's (high rank) daughter who worked in the NAAFI and was a mute. After brief and confused dialogue, one disgruntled full screw (corporal) took the fire hose and began blasting the room and those in it.

The young female ran out of the room and began running down the exterior fire escape. Meanwhile, blokes began to take aimed urination and directed defecation at their fleeing target through the fire escape mesh, raining chaos upon this poor soul from above.

Shortly after, the female was found disoriented by the bins and was eventually escorted back to the NAAFI. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't date military personnel.

Username: absent-mindedperson

I was at a backyard party when people started talking about this guy who was expected to come by later on who could make his balls act like an elevator. Of course those of us not in the know had questions. Lots of questions.

Turns out this guy has a party trick where he stretches his giggle berries down to his knees and then we're all supposed to watch in wonder as they hands-free lift back up to normal position, like an elevator.

The guy shows up and folks are immediately asking for The Elevator. After maybe about 30 minutes or so, I'm standing with a few people enjoying a beer and conversation when out of nowhere we all hear "Do you wanna see some balls?!?" in what I would describe as a monster truck announcer voice.

"Do you wanna see some balls?!?" he yells out even louder. Next thing I know, with his hands only, he's motioning people to move towards the back of the deck we were on.

As we're shuffling into place, someone starts chanting "Balls! Balls! Balls! Balls!" and within seconds, everyone at that party was yelling the same. This was in the backyard of a row home, so I can only imagine what the neighbours were thinking.

We're all standing in a semi-circle around this guy that most of us don't know, waiting to see The Elevator. He turns around so is back is facing us before pulling his pants down. We watch in silence as he pulls on his bean bag downward several times until it gets to the point where I'm like "Holy shit, his sack is almost down to his knees."

Like a magician's assistant, some dude Balls Guy showed up and shows us all that he has lighter in his hand as we "Ooooo" as if we had rehearsed this. Lighter guy crouches down next to Balls guy, who now has his hands on his hips, and lights the lighter under his balls.

Immediately his ball sack starts to lift up until we can no longer see anything other than his ass. The crowd of people go apeshit and start cheering, clapping, and laughing as he pulls his pants back up before opening the patio door and going inside the house.

I can't remember what the guy looked like, or what his name was, but if you ever hear "Do you wanna see some balls?!?", give that guy a high five for me. Just be sure to high five him before he needs his hands to lower The Elevator into position.

Username: mcdofras

Wasnt weird or disgusting, but real scary. For context, this was a parents friends 50th and it was in the middle of winter in New Zealand, so midnight temps are like 4-5 degrees Celsius, and this was an outdoor party.

Because of this, basically everyone is wearing polar fleece, which is like synthetic wool, its really good stuff. This was like a casual tradie/fishing sort of blokes party so we were all on the piss and trollied before the official party start time.

Anyway, about 11pm, by which time I was on the verge of not being concious of what was going on around me, this young guy stands a bit too close to an open fire we had going in an empty barrel. The back of his polar fleece shirt, which is pretty flammable, just goes WHOOMPF and he starts getting pretty burnt.

Now, we’re all *completely* off our faces, so by the time we register that he’s on fire (he hadnt realised either, he was that drunk) the damage was done. We grabbed a chillybin that was empty and filled with water from the melted ice and chuck it over him, and then grab another one with more melted ice in it and just stick him in it, back first and fully clothed.

At this point, the ambulance is on its way and he has sufficiently woken up to realise hes in serious serious pain. We pull him out of the water, cover his entire back, which the shirt has melted into and become one with the skin on his back, in burn gel, then wrap him in cling film and stick him back on ice(literally).

Ambulance arrives, takes him to hospital and we kind of end the party there. A few weeks later, we hear that he had to have like 95% of the skin on his back removed and had new skin grafted on. Seriously the worst injury ive ever witnessed.

Username: imastrangeone

I will save you some of the back story, but basically I was at a party with a large group of podiatrists. This party was being held at the presidential suite of a Hilton hotel. The room had a large living room with a bar space and its' own bathroom. The bedroom was separated by a door and had a bathroom as well, which had its' own door.

When I arrived it was fairly boring. They had hired a couple girls to run the bar area and I grabbed a jack and coke, which was poured very generously. After a little while the entertainment arrived.

They had hired a hooker that they flew in from out-of-state with the reason being if she were local she would want to stop somewhere and get high first then she could leave whenever she wanted. With an out-of-state girl she would be totally devoted to them for the entire evening. So this girl is dancing around naked and doing some grinding all over while being showered with $20s.

After that some of the guys go to a nearby place for dinner while others stay behind and move to the bedroom with the hooker. She got a system going where you would go into the bedroom to hang out and then go into the bathroom to do whatever you wanted.

I decided not to participate since I had no idea what diseases she might have. Later on I passed out for a while after having many jack and cokes.

I wake up to find all but two other guys gone. Apparently most people went to the bars and a few people went to bed for the evening. I ended up going with these two guys to one of the bars where I ordered a couple drinks and then left.

I was too drunk at the time to realize I didn't pay for the drinks so I am assuming those guys did. I left without saying anything (I was very drunk) and went back to the hotel. It wasn't a far walk but I am still surprised I made it back.

I woke up the next morning in the bedroom of the presidential suite sitting in a chair. I looked over at the king size bed and the hooker was sleeping right in the middle. I went to leave and the doctors were all having some meeting in the living room.

I quietly slipped out. I was told later that someone found me in the bedroom closet on top of the hookers suitcase saying something about "the panties".

That was a party they had every year. The following year I stopped in just for a couple drinks, but didn't stay long. They had to use a conference room because the presidential suite was so trashed the year before they weren't allowed to use it again.

The hooker showed up after I left and this time she was a local and was taking her customers out onto the ground floor patio to do their business. Apparently people passing by could see and people in the rooms above them could see (including families).

People complained to the hotel and someone even called Hilton corporate offices. Now they are banned for life from that Hilton.

Username: supernateosu

My band was playing a show in Terre Haute, IN and one of our friends went to Rose Hulman so we stopped there on the way back. He said his fraternity was throwing a party and he would make sure we were put on the list.

We show up to the party and there is a line with about 200 kids standing, waiting to get in. We walked right up to the front (as to follow the instructions we were given). There was a big ass bouncer guy standing with a clipboard with a red rope in front of him (straight out of a movie).

He said, "Name?" I spoke up, "We're the band....We Were Monsters." He glared at his clipboard and said, "Have fun." while checking something off. He pulled the rope aside and we walked in, while these hot ass girls were bitching because they still had to wait.

We walked in and this was by far the biggest pad I had ever seen. There were five hallways that lead to different parts of the house. We walked straight and it lead to the back balcony.

We walked outside....and holy shit. There is a huge hill that was lined with police officers...not to arrest people...not pick up underage drinkers....they were solely there to make sure there were no fights.

There was a pool (complete with a diving board), a tent with a REALLY good ska band playing, a live chef cooking up anything you could ask for and a 30 PERSON HOT TUB (they're all engineers, mind you).

We immediately get drunk as quickly as possible. We we're given bracelets so we were able to drink for free and we didn't even bring anything. We head down to the basement and there is a DJ set up and the whole place is club status.

Black lights, strobes, disco balls, girls prancing around in bikinis (wet from the pool/hot tub). We took more shots and then went to check out some of the bedrooms which each had their own mini-themed party. Almost all of them had some sort of sexual act taking place......we watched for a bit.

The night slowly came to an end and even though the salmon from the chef was delicious. We were still hungry. However, the party was over. We were heading back to the car where our friend who invited us was the DD.

We were driving away when I noticed there was an open window in the fraternity house next door. I yelled, "Stop!" and got out. My vocalist followed me. I ran up to the window, jumped up and hoisted myself into the window....fucking JACKPOT.

It was the kitchen. If you've ever been in a really big fraternity house's kitchen...it's fucking huge with enough food to feed a small army. We opened the fridge and made ourselves ham sandwhiches.

We ate them, in the kitchen, taking our time...reminiscing about the night, and not carrying if anyone found us. Then we exited through the same window.

It was at that point that I realized we were true Ham-burglars. We left in the car and passed out. Buddy got us home, and I woke up without a hangover. Awesome night.

Username: lukeyboy767

I was at a college party in Albany, NY hosted by a guy, we'll cal him spike, who's now in prison. He was at built like a brick shit house, constantly stoned and or drunk and was at least half black but talked like a surfer-dude and wore a pooka necklace which made him hilarious.

Spike had been a college football player but wasn't able to keep his grades up so he joined our rugby team although he seemed to be more interested in partying with us than playing but whatever.

So he throws one of his famous "Ragers" in his relatively small upstairs apartment with the entire rugby team plus about 200 other kids. The front room of his apartment is just a flimsy sun-room with a bar in it above a pizza parlor.

Since the bar was located there, it was decided the kegs would be also, plywood floor be damned. So in the middle of a stirring rendition of "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D, with about 100 kids packed into this small front room, the floor buckles and opens up in the middle sending two kids tumbling into the pizza place below (they weren't hurt badly).

Everyone is scrambling for the backrooms and roof while either screaming, laughing or cheering. In the middle of this insanity, the landlord comes upstairs screaming at the guy and his roommates that they aren't allowed to have this many people up there to which Spike responds by grabbing the microphone from the DJ and screaming "FUCK YOU WE'RE RAGING!" eliciting raucous cheers from the crowd of wasted college kids.

The landlord shakes his head in disbelief and leaves. 5 minutes later, 6 very angry Albany Police officers throw open the front door and start grabbing kids.

So myself and 15 other party-goers do the only reasonable thing and run back to the front room with the gaping hole in the floor start dropping down into the pizza place where we were met with the very angry owners of the establishment.

The last thing we see from across the street is Spike, shirtless with his pooka necklace, being led away in handcuffs by two police officers.

All we hear Spike say is "I'm so fuckin psyched right now!" to which his roommate responds "Why are you psyched? We're getting evicted and arrested you gigantic asshole." Cops burst out laughing. Godspeed Spike, wherever you are.

Username: [deleted]

My friend got invited to a party from somebody at his work (we're both white, you'll get a punchline reddit. Promise). She said to bring whoever he wanted because it was gonna be a big party.

He decided to bring me and another friend to this party. Now this party he failed to mention was gonna be in the hood until about five minutes before we got to her house (which was pretty big), and I was thinking "You could've mentioned this sooner?".

Anyway, we get there about two hours before the party even began and there was already a lot of people (around 200 people). Me and my friend who invited me, we're literally the ONLY two white people there (I'm not joking).

The other friend he invited was black. Eventually we make our way around talking to people (smoking some weed and drinking beer and socializing and shit) when someone mentioned not to talk to "This group of people over there" because they were in a rival gang, and some serious shit would go down if we went and talked to them. At this point I'm like "Holy shit.......what did he drag me into?"

So the party "officially" began with loud bumping music, everybody calling everybody nigga's and dancing and other wild shit. My other friend (black) mentioned that one of the guys we were talking to cocked his gun and was pointing it at another guy in the crowd. At which point, I said "Guys.....we need to get the fuck up out of here NOW!!". About five seconds later, sure enough, I started hearing gun fire.

The three of us raced back to our car, there was massive panic among everybody. They were scattered in all directions. The birthday girl's mother got her megaphone and said "We have called the police. If you don't wanna get arrested or questioned, I suggest you start running home now."

We were frantically searching for a way out of that neighborhood before the police got there. Pretty sure we jumped a ditch trying to get out of there. Eventually we made our way through back to the highway, and sure enough we see the police pass right by us towards the party to see what was up. I smoked a blunt by myself just to calm myself down.

After I got back home, I went straight to bed and thanked whatever higher power there is (Agnostic) that I wasn't born in that kind of life, and drifted off into sleep. And THAT, my fellow reddit friends, is the craziest party I've ever been to

Username: Throw_away1789

Held a party at my house while my parents were away in high school. This was uncharacteristic of me but i set up some basic rules and my friends were respectful of them so i didn't have much to worry about. I collected keys for anyone who didn't have a DD and a couple people did stay the night.

One guy in particular was asleep in the basement and that summer my sleep schedule was pretty jacked so I was up pretty late reading a magazine in the kitchen trying to sober up a bit and fall asleep. I started to hear steps from the basement and figured maybe someone was coming up to use the restroom or something.

Turns out that's exactly what was happening, except this particular individual was sleep walking. I had heard rumors about waking up sleep walkers turning into tantrums so i left him to do his thing and just watched the following scene unfold while i sat silently at my kitchen table.

He comes out of the basement and at first I said hey whats up and soon realized that i would not receive a response. His eyes were only slightly open and he was very obviously not just drunk and confused. He walked into the living room, which was completely visible from where i was due to an open floor plan at my folks house, and tried to lay down on the couch.

Unfortunately, that couch was already occupied and after several moments of said occupant pushing him away he moved on to other activities. He walked across the room and grabbed a laptop cushion from the air chair. You know those things that kept your lap from getting 3rd degree burns from the good old hp brick laptops.

Anyway, he grabbed that and put it in the middle of the living room floor and promptly began a tribal dance around this thing as he slept. I had to try to control my laughter because I didn't want to wake him. This was starting to get entertaining and I wanted to see the show go on.

Unfortunately, after the short tribal dance, my sleepwalker decided that his ultimate purpose of finding a restroom had to be his next action. So he walks towards me through the little half-wall entryway we have between the kitchen and the living room.

On the floor adjacent to that half-wall entryway we had our dogs bed. Luckily the dog was not in it at the time, but that was going to be Mr. Sleepwalker's toilet for the next 60-90 seconds. He walked up to the dogs bed with his back to me only about an arm's length away, unzipped his shorts, and began urinating on my dogs nice soft bed.

The ultimate fuck you to my territorial dog. And of course all i could do was watch as he took one of the longest pisses i've ever witnessed because, again, waking up a sleep walker is a big fat no-no.

I waited the minute or so as he emptied his bladder and sleep-stumbled back downstairs and promptly grabbed my dogs urine-drenched bed and threw it in the washing machine.

I had to wipe up what was left from the floor/wall but hey, if that's the worst of the party shenanigans i can live with it. I never told him about what he did, though i did share with some friends who were there that night.

Username: Ar_Oh_Blender

Three friends and myself were heading back from the bar to my friends condo. He lived the closest, we were all terribly drunk, and had spent our cab money on Last Call specials. We're wandering down the sidewalk, on a major road, giggling, laughing, and generally not giving a shit.

Now, I smoke cigarettes, and have a habit when it comes to the last hit before I flick it. When I know I'm taking the last drag, I pinch the butt between thumb and middle finger, hit it, then flick it. To the police officer who was driving past at the time, it looked like I had hit a joint, noticed him, then flicked it into the street.

Before anyone can register it, the COP does a 180, and pulls his cruiser into the parking lot of the strip mall we were passing. He gets on the intercom and starts telling us that we have to lay on the ground (Presumably, the one officer didn't think he could handle four drunken linemen).

Well, we kind of stop, look at one another, look at the cruiser, look at each other, then simultaneously extend our arms out and give the cruiser "The Bird", and continue on our merry way. One friend whispered to the group, "If he searches me I'm going to shit my pants."

We continue down the street for fifty more yards, and even crossed at the crosswalk, getting on the side street leading to the entrance to the condos. The original cruiser stayed in the parking lot (Still on his damned megaphone), well, at least until his buddies arrived.

We weren't exactly shocked when two police cars hopped the curb in front of us, and behind us. Followed by a third who parked on the shoulder, on the opposite side of the street. We were surprised when they popped their doors, pulled their guns, and shouted at us to get on the ground.

Needless to say, these assholes weren't very gentle, immediately handcuffing each one of us. Everyone got a seat in a patrol car, but me. Soon, I had two patrolmen and a sergeant yelling at me, asking me about where the weed is. I'm totally confused, trying to explain that none of us smoke weed.

One patrolman says that he watched me make eye contact while hitting a joint, and then I flicked it into the street. It finally dawned on me, then. I got a huge smirk and started laughing at them, finally catching my breath and explained that it was a cigarette butt.

The police actually retrieved my cigarettes and lighter, unlocked one cuff, and had me smoke a cigarette in front of them. Meanwhile: My friend, specifically the one who said he was going to shit his pants, sees me laughing with the police as he's sitting in the back of a cruiser, with his hands cuffed behind him.

Then he sees them remove my cuff, and hand me my cigarettes, while I continue to have a huge smile as I'm laughing and joking with the other officers. He thinks everyone's getting charged with a disorderly, and I'm the only one getting off. He is going to have none of that.

Now, just as I demonstrate how I take my final drag and flick the cigarette at the same time, in one fluid motion, the police are beginning to remember that there is no crime rate in this city, and he was just dealing with four drunk guys who were smart enough to walk home.

I see my friends getting let out of the cars, and think to myself, "Alright, everything worked out." Just as the sergeant takes the other cuff off my hand, and returns them to their holder, I hear someone scream the following: "THAT MOTHERFUCKER JUST TOOK A SHIT IN MY CAR!!!"

Well, shit. My friend who shit in the cruiser got slapped with a disorderly and a night in the drunk tank. The rest of us went to my buddies condo and played hockey on his PlayStation until eight in the morning. Me and the condo owner hung around until one, that afternoon, so we could pick him up from jail.

We were milling about in the station when he came out the side door, holding his shoes with one hand and trying to put his belt on with the other. His first words? "Did I really shit in a COP car, last night?"

Username: megustamikey

At a Halloween party in Ocean Beach, San Diego in 2003, whilst it was raining heavily: I met a cool homeless dude named Banyan a few days earlier. We hung out, partied, gatecrashed parties, etc. Once he drove when I was too drunk to drive, he didn't have a license though and the cops knew him by sight.

Once we avoided the cops by running into an alley by the beach in MB (the alley where you go in to park if you live AT the beach. We parked in someones empty spot in a parking lot to make the cops think we lived there and not get us caught. But that's all another story.

So, back to the rainy night All Hallows Eve in OB, San Diego and the craziest party: The guy throwing the party worked at the Pizza shop Theo's in Ocean Beach. He lived in a duplex which shared a yard with three girls who he was close friends with, and the party was going through both houses, with a keg inside his house and a rained out middle yard between the apartments.

About three to four hours into the party, two of his co-workers were found snorting rails of Xanax in the ***girls*** bathroom. This was not okay with dude. He was very overprotective and that's when he ended the party for everyone but the girls, me, Banyan, and himself. All got kicked out, but it was super early to end a Halloween party.

So the rest of us decide to try to finish off the *maybe* half full keg. We start drinking. 2AM rolls around and we're still not done with it but thoroughly sloshed of our faces.

Around this time, maybe a bit later, I'm sitting cross eyed and half asleep on the couch, Banyan is awake and muttering about something or other, and dude who rented the place was either asleep or okay with letting this random guy in. The random guy was a skinny South American homeless dude that Banyan knew. He seemed sorta okay, but here's where the shit got cray.

Basically, we were all so drunk we fell asleep whilst forgetting that Luciano or whatever the hell his name was, was still awake but in the bathroom. We all pass out leaving a crazy (but mostly sober, or high on something like coke, lucy, or molly) in the bathroom.

What follows is the funniest set of yelling, words, almost fighting, craziest and most hilarious shit I have ever had, and probably ever will, have the pleasure of waking up hungover to:

(Spoken by Apartment Owner dude):
"DUDE!
WTF ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF MY BED! STOP DOING THAT TO THE VACUUM CLEANER!
AND PLEASE GIVE ME MY UNDERWEAR BACK!!"

Me and Banyan wake up to these words confused, headache ridden, but already starting to feel mirthy because these words don't compute at 7AM after a third of a keg per person...

I walk around to peek in the dude's room, and this guy had apparently taken off all of his clothes in the bathroom, snuck out when all were asleep silently. Put on some of the dudes underwear (at least two pairs on top of each other), and then made a sound when he started dancing or doing more naughty things with the vacuum cleaner hose. When I peeked around the corner dude was saying something to this effect:

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
GET OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW BEFORE I RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND FEED IT TO YOU SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLE IT WILL BUST OUT YOUR FRONT TEETH"
"GTFO OR DIE"
"AND GIMME MY BOXERS"

So dude gets out, not sure if he even found his clothes. Had everything he needed. Dude starts chasing him down the street, tells him he wants his boxers, gives up the chase cause the dude is fast and skinny. Stops.

The guy takes off one pair of boxers and throws them back. Then we notice he's wearing a second stolen pair underneath. He's about to yell for him, then looks at us, us back at him, and he says "Probably better he keeps that pair, eh?"

Nothing has ever been funnier than that moment when it's all over. All of us double over and are LITERALLY ROTFL... Rolling on the street and lawn laughing, actually.
That's my story. Hope you like it!

Username: Slicehawk

Me and a buddy hit up this nerdy shin dig just off our campus. The local gaming group was throwing some kind of holiday party, and we had already made a point of going anywhere with free alcohol. Anyway, we get to the apartment, and it's packed wall to wall with all manner of socially awkward human beings.

Grab a few drinks, starting to get sort of fucked up, someone somewhere passes around a bong, and we're both pretty much set to go. Then, for whatever reason, my room mate shows up to the same party. Walks up to me with a pill shaped capsule in hand, about the size of a quarter and says "Hey, what does this smell like to you?".

Now, Im not going to lie, I am an impulsive individual, and am prone to not exactly think things through whilst enjoying the silly juice. So, I look him dead in the eye, ear to ear grin, and snort the ever loving shit out of whatever was in that capsule.

Initially, I couldn't smell anything, which I told him, then proceeded to snort it again, thinking in my drunken haze that perhaps I just didn't do it hard enough the first time. Now this asshole is flabbergasted, as if he DIDNT think I was going to do exactly what I just did.

And I'm still smiling, even as the right side of my face turns bright red. Immediately after the change in skin tone, I start to notice the tickling sensation running itself up and down my nasal passageway. And by tickling sensation, I mean THE BLOODY FIRES OF HELL. I swear to Christ, it was as though I had just snorted hot coals.

At this point, my right eye tears up, the right half of my face is in agony, and Im laughing my ass off because I'm a fucking moron. In between bouts of "Im going to break your fucking arms" to my room mate, I manage to lace my profanity with the curious question "DA FUCK DID I JUST SNORT!?" to which he replies "Pure Capsaicin".

Now I knew what this stuff was at the time, but for those of you in the cheap seats who do not know what capsaicin is, in short it is the chemical compound in peppers that causes them to be hot. It's pure scoville heat condensed into a crystalline structure, which to me seemed a hell of allot more like a powder than a crystal.

Anyway, after a few more death threats, I make my way up to the bar. My friend who came with me is laughing his drunk ass off, and Im pretty sure I said I'd kill him too. Anyway, at the bar, in between bouts of laughter, cries of agony and scattered profanity, I proceed to ask the strangest question I've ever asked a bartender, "I swear to god, I am not fucking with you, but do you have any milk I can snort?".

Well, the bartender thinks this is a less than elaborate joke and starts laughing, which in turn makes everyone else in the apartment laugh. I chuckle and respond with, "no, seriously, got milk?", and again, more raucous laughter, followed finally by "NO YOU GUT WRENCHING PIECES OF SHIT, DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING MILK!?".

Well, needless to say, this got their attention, and the bartender handed me a sonic the hedgehog shot glass of the 1% cow juice. I make my way to the bathroom, followed close behind by my ginger headed fuck of a friend, and start to snort the shit over the sink.

I don't know if any of you have ever snorted a liquid before, but its fucking abysmal, and it carries whatever the hell else is in your nose down your throat with it. So the burning continued, all the way down my gullet.

I spent a solid half hour snorting milk in this bathroom, trying to make the burning in my nostril go away, which thankfully it did, but not without some serious discomfort. I never killed my room mate, even though he probably deserved it.

Then again, I think I've learned a valuable lesson from this whole debacle, and I wish to impart that lesson to you, my lovely internet folk. Capsaicin. Not even once.

Username: ZiggyZevon

When I was a senior in college we were throwing our annual St. Patty's Day party at our frat. I happened to have the room where the Ice Luge was so a lot of traffic went through there. When we threw parties we'd have a pre-party up in all the bedrooms where there were different shots etc, and then we'd move everyone to the basement for the main party, which was what the majority of the people came for.

I was closing up my room with this girl (i was dating at the time) and had just finished clearing everybody. 5 minutes after i shut my door (because I obviously was trying to get a little mid-party action with this girl) this little Asian kid i'd never seen before comes busting into my room.

He looked absolutely buckled, and confirmed it once he opened his mouth to speak. He managed to mumble he was looking for his vodka bottle, so being the nice guy I am I told him he could look around. After about 5 minutes of this kid fumbling around my room and just being a total dick I told him he had to leave.

He was not having it. I finally get him to the door way, I forget what he said to me but i remember it was very disrespectful, so I grabbed him and threw him like a rag doll off his feet through the doorway into the wall across the hall.

After a few seconds he got back up with this drunken face of rage and started to sprint towards me. Immediately I think, 'Oh shit, did I just piss off the karate kid?'. Out of NOWHERE, in swoops one of my buddies from the football team, puts the kid in a sleeper hold and just knocks him out.

At this point the sound of his body crashing into the house had grabbed the attention of some of my friends, as they rushed into my room this kid started to come to. To this day I have no idea why I thought of this, but when everyone asked what happened, I said "He tried to touch my Dick!".

Everyone in the room just bursts out in laughter over this concept, and we just took it and ran with it. We help the Asian kid up, because he is still a little foggy from being drunk and just getting knocked out, and proceed to drag him to the front door to kick him out.

By this time in the night our huge front foyer was packed with people trying to get into the party and get beer tickets, and conveniently the stairs lead right down through there. Everyone's watching as we drag this kid down there stairs, wondering what the noise was and what the hell this kid did to get kicked out.

My best friend just starts screaming at the kid as he's now the center of attention, "YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND TRYING TO TOUCH PEOPLES DICK MAN". Then my other friends just started chiming in, "DICK TOUCHER", "CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD JUST COME IN HERE AND START GRABBING DICKS BRO".

Half the people there were laughing the other half stunned that this is why he was getting kicked out. We lead him to the door told kicked him out and proceeded to have an awesome night.

About a week later in class, I was talking with this girl and she asks me "Hey, I heard you guys had some kid at your party last week that was grabbing guys dicks". I guess the rumor had spread like wildfire throughout the school about this kid.

I died of laughter when she asked me. This kid will be forever remembered as Dick Toucher, and I learned that violence is not they way, yeah we could have kicked the shit out of him, but if you really wanna bruise someone, go for the ego, humiliation is a far more powerful weapon.

Also, I later find out he's one of my younger frat bro's friends from home. And later, at our end of the school year party, I saw him again in the distance at our house. Once we locked eyes he just took off, never to be seen again.

Username: [deleted]

The Artillery Course Party... subtitled, Damn, Them Artillery Boys is Some Nuts! So I was chilling in my barracks when all of the sudden an Iltis pulled up and hanging listlessly out the back was Pte. WOLF (all identities changed to protect the guilty).

Wolf had been sick for most of the time we'd been on base, some sort of double pneumonia. He was on an artillery course, I was doing my admin 3s. Either way, the medics kept saying he'd die if he didn't stop fucking around but Wolf gave very few fucks.

Hence why he was draped semi-conscious out the back of the Iltis. See it was his course party, and he'd decided that old saw about "Massive amounts of alcohol will negate the hard-core antibiotics you're on" was piffle and not worth missing a party for. Wolf was like that... a mulatto white supreme-ist constantly getting in trouble with the Sgts for dying his fuzzy little mohawk stupid colours.

So he'd gone, he'd drunk, and now he was on the verge of respiratory failure. So they brought him to me - ever the bridesmaid, never the bride to "Make sure he doesn't... like... die? Okay?". So I took my dog-eared copy of Catch-22 (which I only read on account I figured eventually someone would know what I was reading and think me deadly witty and bold for doing so in the military... but alas, they never did) and went to babysit Wolf in the artillery barracks.

A moment about barracks - On that particular base they were like a mobile home with only two rooms. Sometimes to separate boys and girls, sometimes troopies and their wranglers, sometimes the doors were merely academic... but two rooms, lined with rickety bunkbeds. And the rule... hard and fast... NO GIRLS in boys' barracks.

I am, btw, a girl. Wolf continued to breathe throughout the night. Yay! At around 3am, the bar closed. And shortly thereafter... the artillery boys returned. They crashed into the barracks in high spirits. I made myself small. I knew I was in trouble.

They crashed in, stripped off, grabbed the rickety bunk beds and all hell broke loose... they battered down the division between the two rooms. They through the mattresses out all the windows... without opening the windows... and only because after much trial and error, it was proved that the whole bunk beds would not fit.

It occurred to me: Gosh, when someone notices that I'm female, I'm going to get sooooo gang-raped. Wolf drooled, snorted, and rolled over. His, out of respect for the dying, was the only bed still standing.

I decided it was appropriate to exeunt, stage right. I made for a window. I got balanced on the sill when someone howled "A WOOOOOOOOMAN!!!!" Uh-oh. All eyes were on my ass. Which was up in the air. Because I was trying to jump out a broken window without getting cut. Luckily, there was a mattress right under the window! I made my leap just as I heard the Duty Officer shriek "WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?"

Laying on the mattress, I remembered the look of shock and horror in his eye... because I'd made direct eye-contact with the bastard. Fuck. Then I heard someone open the fire extinguisher on him, and I fled into the drainage system. The MP's were looking for the "female member" who'd been "entertaining" the artillery boys all night long. They never caught me. Yay, infantry training!

The next day they had their course parade, and then their charge parade. And me and my identical twin sister spent several hours being screamed at by a very pissed off officer... but they couldn't charge both of us for something only one of us did... so I got off scott free... and that was the wildest party I ever went to... and I wasn't even *there*...

Username: ksjourdain

NYE 2013, yeah, the one that just happened. Went to a house party with some people I have known for 10+ years. A couple of my friends are roommates together, and one of them went a little off the deep end shooting up with hard drugs. We all kind of lost touch with her for a while, but she came back, clean from the hard stuff and ready to carry on with life.

The only person at the party none of us really knew was a girl our friend met in rehab. She was pretty fucking wasted, while everyone else just had a few drinks and I didn't drink at all, as I planned on driving home thst night and knew I would go through a couple DUI checkpoints.

Oh, I guess I should preface this by saying when we first arrived they had a table of food, some of which were value menu Taco Bell burritos. The owner of the house offered us the food, which we declined at the time since we went there straight from having a nice NYE dinner.

So fast foward to 4am. By this point everyone had pretty much settled down and the friend who brought rehab girl had actually retired to her room for some NYE sexy times with her new GF (yes, we are all lesbians), leaving Rehab to her own drunken devices.
She kept trying to feel up and make out with a friend we brought, who kept politely denying her advances. This was obviously frustrating Rehab, and we could hear her whispering about our friend "leading her on".

Also, around this time, my GF and I were feeling hungry and decided to eat the last $1 burrito. We were eating it and we saw Rehab get more and more aggitated, and we just assumed it was from getting rejected by our friend.

Finally, she stands up and announces she is going to a gas station to get donuts because some "bitches" ate her food. We all just kind of ignored her and went on with our business. At some point she goes outside and our friend says she's ready to go because Rehab is starting to act crazy.

About that time she kicks through the frontdoor and starts going on a rampage about how we're "talking shit" behind her back. My GF tells Rehab she is acting rude to everyone and maybe she needs to go lay down, at that point Rehab goes on this rant about how my GF ate that burrito.

We just told her the food was offered to us by the owner of the house, at which point the owner calls her bullshit on paying for the food and says she bought it.

Rehab just will not drop it and is being drunk and beligerant towards my GF over a fucking burrito. Everyone is pretty much blowing her off waiting for her just to pass out from being drunk. This does not make her happy and she lunges toward my GF, swinging. I jump in and punch her a few times to get her on the ground, then everyone dogpiles her and pins her to the floor. It takes 6-7 people to hold down a 120lb girl, drunkenly flailing every limb.

The owner tells her she can leave on her own or leave with the cops. She keeps screaming incoherently and finally the girl who brought her is rustled out of bed. It takes everyone dragging her, literally kicking and screaming, into a car to drive her home.

About 5 minutes later the car returns and we all are scared that maybe she couldnt get far without running into a checkpoint and turned around.

Apparently, they got to the stop sign outside of the housing complex and the girl opened the door and ran and they just turned around and left her in the middle of the road. Almost certain she was picked up for public intox. The girl who knew her sent me a pic Rehab sent a couple days later with a beat up face.

Username: CeeDiddy82

It was about 6 months ago, on my 18th birthday. We threw an ABC (Anything But Clothes) party in this two story barn in my backyard that is, trust me, the most literal definition of "man cave" you can get.

The original plan was to have ~ 20-30 of my close friends come over, but, thanks to Twitter, between 150-175 people, many of them whom I dont know, and all of whom were wearing either underwear or home made costumes, showed up. Yeah. That barn has an area of like 200 square feet, max. There were so many people there that the grass in my backyard is still dead, minus the perfect rectangles where we set up beer pong tables.

So, the night goes along like you'd expect: I blacked out. But the interesting thing is, I remember exactly how and when: It was midnight. I was standing on a pool table in a toga. Everyone was singing happy birthday to me, but I was so drunk, I got confused and started singing happy birthday with them.

As the song ends and I'm cheering, this guy hands me a bottle of vodka full of what I assumed was some sort of watered down fruit mixture, which I proceeded to chug heavily. It turned out to be pure vodka with 3 packets of Kool-aid mixed in, and the flavor drowned out the taste/burn of the alcohol.

Fast forward 3 hours, and, because of what I assume is an almost lethal dose of adrenaline, I come to talking to two cops.

This is the situation: I'm wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with a large hole on my right asscheek. I am COVERED in glitter. My leg is bleeding and I'm also pretty sure I'm on ecstasy. A partially dressed girl runs by, snagging up an entire set of used lingerie that was dangling off my pool table. 3 or 4 drunk people who previously fled before realizing they were well over 21 walk back and grab as much liquor as they can carry.

There are two VERY stoned guys, about 25 years old each, both hiding behind the weakest looking 3 foot sapling i have ever seen in the yard behind my barn, who start screaming and sprint through the barn as soon as one of the cops points his light at them.

There is a DJ crew of 5 guys, all around 30 years old, none of whom I knew, invited, or hired, sprinting through the barn with thousands of dollars of equipment raised above their heads. At this point, so many people have tried to jump my rotted wood fence that it has collapsed, and there are additional cops outside directing cars and trying to keep people from trampling one another.

Then, my parents came outside, along with my friend and started talking to the cops. In a bizarre turn of events, both my parents and my friend were obviously blackout drunk (I later found out that people had been offering them beers as thanks for letting them stay there, and that there turned out to be a lot of nice people at that party), and, in a statistically unlikely scenario that I can only attribute to the fact that I'm white, we weren't tased, or handcuffed, or thrown in a squad car.

Instead, we proceeded to have the most epic conversation ever. That I regretfully do not remember. You'll have to trust me on this one.

Finally, after all the noise complaints, the near stampede, the copious amounts of underage drinking, all the drug use, all the partial nudity, and my disheveled state, the cops just say "Happy birthday" and leave without even taking down any of our information.

Username: awesomeperson451

This story takes place in a wealthy island vacation community, around 3 or 4 years ago. A kid I know with loaded parents decides he is going to throw a party one night. His parents are away for a few days, and he figures a casual get together will be a great way to make friends with his new coworkers at his summer job. Accordingly, he invites about 10 of them over to "have a drink." We'll call our protagonist Horatio.

Now, Horatio is more than a little bit naive; he's the sort of boy who is easily taken advantage of by those who have a mind to do so, which, unfortunately, are the sort of people who tend to follow him in droves.

To make matters worse, Horatio has ***a lot*** that can be taken advantage of: he spends his summer in a beautiful multi-million dollar vacation home, where he has a pool, a pool house loaded with liquor, a sound system/pair of turntables, a huge lawn, and a private beach.

Horatio tells everyone at work about his house, his party, and his liquor, and furthermore he tells them it will be "just fine" if they bring along a friend or two. After all, he says, "the more the merrier!"

The night begins quietly enough, but the "casual get-together" quickly explodes into a full-fledged rager of national lampoon-esque proportions. Several large antique glass lanterns find their way into the pool. Gutters are torn from the roof and drainpipes from the exterior wall.

A DJ takes over the turntables and turns the pool house into a dance floor. People break into the main house and start stealing wine from the wine cellar, while others go and have sex in the master bedroom. A glass door is ripped off its hinges and thrown in the lawn, where it shatters.

Someone drives a car into the back yard and does a burnout in the grass. There are several fights, including 1 where a knife appears. People smash bottles, break windows, pee on things, and punch out walls. Quite simply, there is no law.

Poor Horatio tries several times to get his many guests to leave, but most of them are bigger, older, and drunker than he is. He gets hit by a few different people, and I do believe someone chases him with a bottle at one point.

The party only ends when a good samaritan shouts "COPS!" as loudly as he can from a second story balcony, and it still takes over an hour for the stragglers to leave. Finally, with the exception of three girls who are still crying and throwing up in the driveway, the masses have gone at around 5:30 AM. No police ever arrive.

I was among 3 or 4 people who spent the night and helped clean up in the morning. It put me in a position to fully appreciate the extent of the damage. I don't say this lightly, but the sight of it all in the early morning light would easily have made John Belushi giggle like a little girl.

Username: MustardForBreakfast

I posted this in another thread, but it also comes under the wildest party I've hosted/attended...I held a house party for my 26th last year, and proceeded to drink myself fucking STUPID. So stupid that my mate dragged me to his car and drove me to maccas to get some lining for my alcohol filled stomach.

I returned to the party, still blind and loaded up on Big Macs and cheeseburgers. I was dumped on my bed, completely paralytic and proceeded to chuck up all over the show. I was rescued from choking on my own vomit, tossed in the bathroom and sat in the shower whilst I got my shit together.

My sheets were stripped, and somehow my bed became an awesome place to hang out for people. But we'll get back to that. After showering (and having a girl who was keen on me chat with me whilst I showered just to get a look in on my naked) and brushing my teeth, I proceeded to drink some more, and singlehandedly made out with a dozen of the girls at the party. But wait, it gets better.

I stumbled into my room, where two of my mates and half a dozen of my female friends were pissed and getting handsy. I leaned over a couple of them to pull out my riding crop for the lulz, and ended up making out with one of them, whilst groping another one's breasts, then made two of them make out whilst another one was sucking on my mate's girlfriend's nipples.

Next thing I know, clothes are coming off, I have the girl I've been chasing for ages sucking my cock, the girl who perved on me naked in the shower is riding my face, and the others are going hell for leather up the other end of the bed.

Cock sucker decides to mount me, and after a while of that I lift face rider off, and pick up the girl who's still riding me. In full view of the impromptu orgy, I pin her up against my room's windowsill, and plow her for as long as my alcohol riddled limp dick can handle.

We all clean up, party on through till dawn with the rest of the people there. The next day, I look at my bed and there's a MASSIVE wet patch on it... apparently we had some squirters.

Username: elcd

Prom night was pretty nuts. I had a serious drug problem at the time, as did most of my friends. My buddy D and I decided to go all out for prom. We were the suppliers for most of the petty drug dealers in the high schools in our county, so we had a decent amount of cash and easy access to any drugs we wanted. Our friend A's older sister was the manager of a hotel nearby and hooked us up with two suites for the night.

We only stayed at prom itself for about 20 minutes and headed over to the hotel. All of us except for my friend G's date, who was from another high school and had only gone with him so she could get in. He was a virgin and rather insecure at the time, so he took this kinda hard and took way too much xanax.

After throwing up and telling us all he was going to get an Uber home G disappeared. We'll come back to him later. A little later someone had the great idea that we should cook the remaining coke up so my prom night for the most part was spent naked at a decently nice hotel with a bunch of other naked rich white kids smoking crack.

A little while later, after the crack was gone, I ended up at a house party with my friend D and our dates. The sun was coming up and the party had died down so we'd snagged a guest bedroom in the basement with two bedrooms in it.

After drinking for a bit my date passed out and a few minutes later it seemed like D had passed out as well. His date and I started hooking up because why not until I got punched in the side of the head by D who was not actually asleep.

We beat the shit out of each other for a little bit and his date ended up kicking us out of the house and locking the doors to the basement. She was nice enough to throw us a blanket so D and I spent the night sharing a blanket on the pool deck outside.

Anyways, back to G. It was presumed that he had taken an Uber home, however when I got back to my house the next day I was surprised to see his car sitting out front where he'd left it. I tried calling him and his phone was dead. I assumed he was still passed out, though it was fairly late in the day so I was a little worried. That night I got a call from his dad asking if he was with me. Finally the next day at around noon I get a call from G.

He had wandered outside the hotel trying to find his Uber. When he couldn't find it, he lay down on the ground behind a bush that was set into an alcove on the side of the hotel maybe six feet from the sidewalk of a busy street. He passed out and woke up he assumed the next morning to find his phone dead. He ended up walking several miles back to his house.

He slept six feet from a major road for a day and two whole nights and no one noticed him. I really don't know how I managed to survive that period of my life. I got sober about two months after this and most of my Friday nights today look like going to the park with my son and getting in bed by 10. The sad part is that out of my six closest friends from that time only three are still alive.

Username: [deleted]

My university had a tradition to rent out just about every houseboat on Lake Shasta for Memorial Day weekend. It was always a nice way to finish off the school year before finals. It was also the biggest shit show I have ever experienced. Wait, shit show is more of an understatement.

Survival event is more appropriate considering that someone usually dies each year via drowning or getting crushed between parked houseboats. And everyone usually leaves scratched and bruised.

So for my junior, a group of 20 or so of my best friends decided we didn't want one of those tiny plebeian houseboats meant to sleep 6 (or 12 by most broke college standards). Instead, we all saved up and got ourselves a monstrous three story houseboat for the weekend.

It came with all sorts of fancy amenities, like a bar on the second floor next to the state room, an upstairs captains console for cruising in the sun, flat screen tv's (that we somehow didn't destroy), and a jacuzzi on the top. We capped it of with a monstrous pair of 7 foot speakers to provide some noise and a half dozen kegs from the local microbrewery to keep us "hydrated". We felt like kings of the lake. And everyone around wanted to be on our boat.

So during the day, we unbeached the boat from the island that everyone partied on at night and went scooting around the lake. We saw a small cluster of boats in the middle and joined up with them for lunch. We quickly realized that others thought this was a great idea too (I like to think our mega boat attracted the others).

Within about an hour, our little mid lake party of a half dozen boats had turned into a massive floating island that must have been 2-3 acres in size. Crowds of people started to flock to our boat. Everyone wanted to party on the third floor of our boat.

There must have been well over 100 people on top of our boat, and maybe 15 people on the bottom two floors. I was grilling myself a burger at the bar on the second floor. I start to notice that the grill was sliding toward me. I drunkenly nudged it away, and didn't think much of it. About two seconds later, it starts rolling away from me, so I wander after it to stop it.

It starts coming back toward me and them my brain starts to realize something isn't quite right. I grab the grill with one hand and a side rail with the other. At this point the grill is spewing out gigantic flames from all the shaking back and forth and the rocking was only getting harder.

I lean over the side railing and try to get my friend Sam's attention to cut the music. I notice at this point that the crowd keeps running to the high side of the boat to try to even it out. I am having no luck getting Sam's attention. Luckily, my other friend Josh also figured out what was happening from the first floor and comes sprinting up from bellow as the boat keeps rocking pretty hard back and forth.

As soon as he gets to the top, he cuts the music out and yells, "Everybody needs to get the fuck off our boat now! We're all going to die!"and then dives off the back of the boat. Luckily, there was space in front of and behind our boat with open water. In an even better stroke of luck, every one followed Josh's example.

It looked like a human waterfall off both ends of the boat. I don't think I've ever seen an evacuation happen faster or more smoothly from such a confined space. I then got to sit down and happily eat my burger enjoying the fact that I wasn't dead.

Username: Annoyed_ME

Cousin's stag party: I was 18, never been to a bachelor party or seen any drugs other than weed. I get invited to the stag party of my 26 year old cousin. I live in another province and my family is there for the wedding. I only know the 4 or 5 dudes I'm related to there, everyone else is a friend of my cousin from when he was a drummer in numerous bands.

Another cousin who works in Alberta has hilarious amounts of cash that he doesn't know what to do with and decides to blow a great deal of money on the groom-to-be.

The evening starts off with a full pig roast. 25 men eat 80 pounds of pork in around 2 hours and the whole time joints are being smoked left and right and everyone is drinking. As night sets in, we pile in cabs and head downtown. The wealthy cousin takes us all of us to a strip club.

I had never been to a strip club, and I was amazed by the sheer lack of fucks given by any of the strippers. Many free drinks and lap dances later we all stumble outside and a party bus is waiting for us. Climbing in, we find it full of more strippers and more booze.

The girls are eating each other out, spanking people and each other, crawling all over the groom and spinning around on poles in the aisle of the bus. Alcohol is flowing, and someone breaks out the blow. I had never seen coke before this, so my introduction to the drug is a dramatic one. People start doing lines off the strippers, strippers are doing lines off each other.

Then the brother of the bride, who is married and has a 3 year old kid, grabs one of these naked women, flips her upside down and pours a mountain of coke into her asshole. She's high as hell and loving it, and he just snorts a handful of blow out of her butt. Right in front of me. Eventually the bus takes us to a beach and we have an enormous bonfire.

The strippers have disappeared, but more alcohol has arrived so it's all good. After burning every piece of driftwood on the beach, the bus returns and we are taken to someones house where a crowded party is taking place. When we arrive at the house someone realizes that the cocaine supplies have dwindled. Everyone piles out and the lunatic that did an asshole of coke tells us he'll be back soon.

Him and the bus driver leave and we all head into the house. The place is huge, the backyard even has a mini putt course in it. After half an hour the guy returns, pockets overflowing with blow. He convinced the driver to chauffeur him to a coke dealer to restock and gave the dude a couple bumps on the way back. I eventually find myself locked in a bathroom with him, another cousin and a stranger.

Coke is everywhere, and they are doing lines off every surface around them. I'm just watching in amazement, rolling joint after joint and just wondering when someone is going to die. Despite many offers, I resist the urge to drown myself in free cocaine and continue to drink and smoke weed until dawn.

I end up passing out on the putting green in the back yard and wake up several hours later still very much drunk and wander away from the house until I find a Tim's and caffeinate myself until I can walk properly.

Username: forat_de_silenci

High school party. Sophomore girl (I was a senior) invites a few friends over and things quickly get out of hand. By the time I get there with some friends, there are 50-100 in her backyard watching two girls get naked and go at eachother in the pool.

They were the sort of girls that were always together and I think everyone in my school sort of suspected they fooled around, but they were just going at each other in a way my 17 year old eyes could barely believe.

The girls eventually go into the house and upstairs to a bedroom where a train is run on one. I did not participate as there was literally a line of guys down the hall and down the stairs waiting for a turn.

That was probably the craziest thing I've ever seen, but the party as a whole was just weird. Saw one guy just standing in a hallway with a kitchen knife meticulously trying to scrape wallpaper off the wall. One bathroom was just completely destroyed, right down to a really old looking cast-iron tub being torn out and dragged downstairs.

A bunch of guys found a 20lb dumbell and decided they would have a shotput contest with it in the diningroom, destroying a wall. Someone smeared shit all over the outside of the fathers sports car. Not sure what kind it was as I'm not a car guy, but it was one of those little classic sports cars.

Mostly I just remember walking around and thinking how surreal it all was. It seemed like something out of a movie...but dirty. Nothing about it was lighthearted or fun or anything like that, just destruction.

I'm not really sure what happened to the girl. I know her parents sent her away after all the fallout, but there were rumors her family sent her to live with either her grandparents or a boarding school.

Username: yeahnowaynope

A questionable friend of mine (Bees) and I are celebrating his moving into a new 6 bedroom house with a bunch of our friends. My friend is questionable because everyone is a little concerned about moving in with him (dirty, mom does everything for him, can't hold a job, kicked out of school twice...), but he somehow manages to convince them that he'll be reliable and excellent roommate. So we do a night of drinking around the town, get fairly intoxicated, but nothing out of the ordinary for a Saturday night for us.

When we get back to the house, we do the normal afterbar act of smoking a bowl of marijuana and continue having a couple of beers discussing the night and other random things. It is at this time I offer him some Dimethyltryptamine (the most potent hallucinogen there is). My friend is no stranger to these types of drug, but had never tried DMT, though he knows plenty about it.

I decide to sit for him since I'm fairly sober at this point (aside from the bowl). He seems to have a fairly enjoyable first 5 minutes, then without saying a word, just gets up and starts walking toward the bathroom with a walk that could only suggest he has just shit himself.

So I ask, "Did you just shit yourself?" No response. 5 minutes later I decide to go check on him and he's laying face down in the bathroom floor, with shit everywhere. Down his legs, in the sink, on the floor in the kitchen leading into the bathroom. I make sure he's alive, then go back to chilling in the bathroom.

A few of the roommates show up at this point and I tell them, "Bees (his nickname) just shit himself!" So every 15 minutes or so, I take a giant wooden fork and poke him to make sure he's still alive by screaming, "RESPOND TO STIMULI, MOTHERFUCKER!" I get a grunt out of him and know he's fine.

It's maybe 5AM and I need to eat, still awake from the excitement of the night before. I convince one of the roommates to go with me to grab some McDonald's breakfast. When we get back, Bees is standing in the back hallway just staring at the stairs in front of him. I just start to laugh at him and he responds in a really mean tone, "WHAT!?" I reply, "What do you mean, 'WHAT!?' You're covered in shit." He says, "Oh yeah, Ben... I'm really covered in shit.

You're an asshole sometimes." I just walk past him to go eat my food when my buddy enters in the house and goes, "Bees, you're covered in shit, dude." It then dawns on Bees that he is indeed covered in his own shit. He does his best to clean himself up, but fails miserably, and lays on the couch still bespeckled with his own feces until one of our more considerate friends wakes him up and convinces him to clean up the bathroom and himself.

Any time I introduce Bees to anyone, I tell them the story about the night he shit himself. I have photographic proof (Bees faces down in his own shit) on a very old phone of mine, but have no way of getting it off there.

Username: userisok

When I was a teenager I went to this party with my then boyfriend, his sister, and her boyfriend. It was at this guy's house that was kind of far off from the road and not near other houses. People were in there just doing whatever they felt like like half the kids in my high school were there.

I was seated against the wall. I talked to one guy who actually turned out to be the host of the party. He was complaining about how all these people were invited to his house but they all were ignoring him. All of the sudden I heard this fight break out. I was really fucked up and people started shoving each other around trying to get out of the way.

Next thing I know this dude got thrown through the wall of the guys house and into the neighboring apartment (it was a duplex) which fortunately was vacant at the time. It happened about a foot away from where I was sitting. I was so drunk it took me a minute or two to respond. I stood up and the guy came running back through the hole he made.

I was shoved out of the house along with a bunch of other people. He came running out of the house and hit the first guy over the head with a fire extinguisher he must have found in the other apartment. The guy got knocked unconscious, his friends caught him and rushed off to the hospital.

Everyone rushed back into the house. The guy with the extinguisher ran into the bathroom and locked himself in. The friends of the knocked out guy threatened to come back with guns and shoot the place up if we didn't hand over the first guy. People at the party started locking and barracading doors. People were banging on the bathroom door trying to get the guy.

Everyone was panicking. Eventually a bunch of people started calling the cops and telling them about the threat. The cops showed up and no one would let them in. Eventually the cop said they just wanted to look for the guy that used the extinguisher and that they would ignore anything else they saw in the house. People told the cops that the guy had left after he did it.

The cops came in, underage kids were drinking, people were smoking joints, and the cops did as they said they ignored all of that. The cops looked all over the house and didn't see the guy. Then they got to the bathroom.

They couldn't get the door open and tried knocking harder and harder. Eventually they were going to bust the door. When the guy opened it and said he must have passed out. He said he was not the one with the extinguisher and everyone pretty much covered for him saying that guy had left.

The cops were about to leave when they noticed one of the other guys at the party was wanted. They scooped up that guy instead and hauled him off to jail.

Username: mechchic84