I'm not even totally sure how to say this... but basically for some reason I was born with incredibly sensitive testicles, seemingly way more sensitive than most boys. Because of this I had an extreme fear of ever getting my testicles checked at the doctor, and I would always just run out of the doctor's office and hide in parking lots, or just about anywhere...I would literally do anything to avoid getting checked.
Well eventually that had to come to an end, and my mom had to literally have me restrained so that I could get checked. The first time it happened was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. My mom literally just walked into my room one day and told me I was going to the doctor to get my testicles checked. I remember, weirdly enough, hiding under my bed naked thinking they couldn't possibly take me to the doctor if I was naked. But my mom literally had two of her friends help her with this like mission to get me checked... and her and one of my friends actually dragged me out from under the bed and dressed me. I decided to just go limp, hoping they would just give up, but they didn't. They carried me downstairs and put me into a car, and my mom's two friend sat on either side of me, just holding my hands and trying to keep me still. I couldn't even believe it was seriously happening... I thought there was no way it was really going to happen honestly.
We eventually pulled up to this huge building and my mom and her friends kept an eye on me, escorting me into the building, into an elevator, and up into a pretty typical hallway full of doctor's offices. And eventually we went into a fairly typical doctor's office. One of her friends stayed out in the hallway, and the other sat down next to me in a chair in the waiting room, which was pretty small. It was fucking awful...I overheard my mom talking to the admin lady as she was signing me in saying literally, "My son's name is X, and he's here to get his testicles checked today." And it was like too much for me... I bolted for the door and ran down the hallway, but at the end of it was my mom's other friend who was just around the corner by the elevator, waiting for me. She grabbed me, and my mom's other friend, who had followed me caught up to us, and they dragged me back into the doctor's office and made me sit down and told me to behave. I was petrified. I tried to sit there... my mom also eventually took a seat by me.
I heard other boys being called in, and all I could think about was how fucking horrible it was going to be for the doctor to check my testicles... was she actually going to touch them? I literally couldn't imagine it happening, it seemed worse than the worst thing I had ever imagined. I somehow felt like there was no way my mom would seriously let anyone do something that horrible to me. I thought she would just let me go home. But no. The door to the back opened, and a nurse called my name out... and I was beyond terrified. A primal urge not to go back there kicked in. I snapped my hand violently out of my mom's friend's who was holding it and dove under the hollow frame wooden chair I was sitting on and held on to it for dear life. I was literally begging my mom not to make me get checked, and screaming that I wouldn't go back to the exam room and crying...
But that did not dissuade them at all. My mom seemed to just get upset that I was being so completely ridiculous in front of people. And her other friend came into the office from the hallway, and the three of them managed to pry me out from the chair... I literally remember feeling them peeling my fingers off of the chair one by one while my mom pulled me out and crying even harder because I knew I couldn't hold on.
So they literally carried me back into the exam room, and wasted almost no time. I was struggling wildly, and crying. But they pinned me down on the exam table immediately, and I kind of calmed down a little bit. I remember I just kept thinking there was no way my mom would do this to me... I literally tried to beg her through sobs not to let the doctor touch my testicles... but she wouldn't even respond. I just barely heard her talking to the doctor about the check when the doctor came in, and she was saying how they better just get it over with.
I couldn't believe my ears. I was almost like petrified from fear... and then... my mom pulled my underwear down. I started to squirm and cry... and the doctor just appeared over me, and I knew...I knew she was going to touch my testicles, and I started crying and kicking really hard, but they just held me down really tightly, and when the doctor finally touched my testicles my whole body spasmed from how intense it was. It was exactly as awful and utterly horrible as I had imagined it... I just spasmed uncontrollably from it while they held me down, crying wildly... and then it was all over, and my mom pulled me underwear up, and the doctor told me I was a good boy...and that was it...I was free to go back out to the waiting room, as if everything was just normal.
I felt so beyond fucked up though. I never even knew what to feel really. I was just completely silent for days. My mom was super pissed at me for being so uncooperative. I contemplated killing myself for being so sensitive and not being able to cooperate like a good boy. I hated myself for it. Eventually when I learned girls didn't have testicles it was always my largest childhood wish that I had been a girl... hah but was the the very least of it. At the same time, I also seriously wondered how my mom could have let someone do that to me. How could she not have cared at all about how intensely sensitive I was? I knew she told me that it was something all boys had to get done... but... it just felt like she was supposed to protect me from things like that, not be the one pulling my underwear down. I literally couldn't even believe that my mom had made the appointment for me to get checked for a long time. I imagined a fake narrative where she was forced by the doctor to do it somehow... I guess I kind of stopped believing that basically by the next time I had to get checked, which was nearly as bad. But nothing was really as horrible as the first time because of how simply terrifying the entire ordeal was. My mom never made the mistake of telling me before we were actually at the doctor's that I would be getting a testicle check done...hah...
I still struggle wildly with a sense of whether my mother seriously needed to make me get checked. In order to cope with my feelings of hating myself for being so sensitive I used to torture myself by touching my testicles, and trying to make myself get used to it, causing me to spasm until I blacked out from it. Eventually I had my first orgasm basically just from touching them, way before I knew what orgasms were.
I still have flashbacks and massive anxiety attacks regularly about the checks I had to get, especially the first one. And the only way I've found to calm myself down is by just trying to role-play through it in my mind and still doing the same torturing of myself, even though after doing that for so long I've actually managed to make myself much less sensitive than I was as a kid. It's developed into sort of a sexual fetish I guess in some sense, but it's the only thing that helps calm me down and get through it.
I guess I still hate myself for being so sensitive, and so affected by what is logically just a normal checkup that all boys get done though. But at the same time, I just really wonder what my mother was thinking. I can't even talk to her about it since she's 100% closed off to it. I think about what she must've been thinking about still. And I wish I knew. I wish I could talk to a mother about it for some reason, but it just seems way too crazy. I feel completely alone, like I was traumatized by something that is completely unacceptable to be traumatized by... so I guess I'll basically never tell anyone about this other than Reddit now. And it feels insanely weird even typing it out to anonymous people... fuck... I am truly fucked up hah =/
Username: TesticleCheckThrwawy