I was given free tickets to see David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar co-headlining in Atlanta, 2002.
We really only went to sell beer in the lot, the tickets were an added bonus, or so we thought.
DLR opened the show, it was still daylight outside and a very hot summer day in Georgia. The heat was brutal, and it looked even more brutal up on stage.
One look at the Jumbo Screens and you could see the makeup running down DLR's face.
So bad, in fact, that you could make out his wig line. yes, this was the day I realized David Lee Roth is going bald, or is already there. It was fucking gross.
What was even worse, the girls in the front few rows had to be paid to flash their tits for the jumbo scrrens, they were way too hot to be there and waaaaaaay hotter than the rest of the toothless wonders that inhabit the deep south.
Throw in a little bit of "every song sounds like shit on sandpaper" and you get one crap ass set of classic rock.
Sammy Hagar, while I'm not really a fan, wasn't so bad.
He has musicianship, he's got stage presence, There is some talent there and I see why he was popular at one point.
I wasn't very interested in the set, and since there is more beer to be sold, we left half way through Hagar's set to get ready for the exiting crowd.
I never regretted selling beer after a show except this one time.
Every mother fucker through the door was drunker than they should be, angry at the crap show they just saw, uglier than a catfish with a lazy eye, and aggressive to the max.
I had a bit of trouble keeping it together, as hands dipped into the cooler taking two and three beers at a time, and trying to make an escape without paying.
No one rides for free, bitches, not on my watch, so I shut it down and take a seat on the cooler. The angry rednecks begin to disperse, my gf (wife now) is calming down, and things are becoming normal again.
A guy walks by 20 feet away singing a Sammy Hagar tune, when from behind me someone yells "Fuck Sammy Hagar! Hagar fucking sucks!"
The dude instantly turns my way, and begins to beeline it in my direction, clinched fists and chewing his lips like someone that's been up for four days.
He stops inches from where I'm sitting and begins to GO OFF on me, mostly about how Sammy Hagar rocks, I'm an absolute piece of shit, and he is ready to go down swinging in defense of the all might Red Rocker.
I really feared for my face for a second, i was not in the best position for getting my face smashed in.
I tried to explain that some other knuckle head had yelled that, I could give a shit less, and really, I think both SH and DLV suck equal parts of dick.
This was not what I should have said, and I knew it, when I saw the guy take a turn and pull a sucker punch at me.
i was still sitting, and maybe his aim was bad, maybe I had the luck of the Brothers Van Halen on my side, but somehow, he just grazed across the top of my head.
Not a direct hit, but shots fired, and enough time form me to get up off the cooler and at least be in a standing position for whatever comes next.
The guy continues to berate me, a new crowd is forming around us, and quite frankly, I'm kinda scared for my life.
From behind, I feel a nudge, and it's my gf pushing my skateboard into my hand.
I feel the cold steel of the trucks in my hand, and feel an all new confidence that I may escape this with all my teeth intact.
I pull the board into both hands, batter up style, and kindly tell the guy he needs to be on his mother fucking way.
The next 10 seconds seemed like forever, as drunk billy bob evaluates his options, and sees he has few that do not involve a concussion.
A few more volleys of insults, and he finally turns to leave, at the insistence of those crowding around.
Things begin to settle, I start calming down, the crowd starts to leave. It's time to blow this shit show. All we need to do is grab the cooler and go to the......
Wait a second..where's my fucking cooler? In all the hubbub and chaos, someone took advantage of the moment and stole the cooler, with maybe 20 beers chilling on the inside. Of course, no one around saw anything.
In fact, to this day I almost believe the whole thing was a set up just to get my cooler.
I'm not even upset. I mean, I am upset, my shit is gone, but I just needed to be done with this mess, out of this parking lot, chilling on my couch, putting this behind me and chalking it up as a learning experience.
We did finally get out of there, and this was one of my last days going out being a rogue beer vendor in a shady lot.
The pull for this show was pretty good, lots of beers sold early on to under prepared tailgaters, but the anxiety of that scene never left me, so in subsequent attempts, I was more nervous than anything just trying to make a buck.
So fuck you Sammy Hagar, Fuck you David Lee Roth, and most importantly, fuck your shitty fans.
Username: black05pr3y