Divorced Men Confess the Moment They Knew The Marriage Was Over

When I caught her sucking my friend off on my brothers back porch. Found out later she had fucked him a few months earlier. Oh and then this other guy I used to be friends with, becomes friends with him again and starts trying to convince me the friend who my wife cheated on me with did nothing wrong.

She is disabled, has been for a good portion of her life. She can't walk well, can't drive, and because she partied through college instead of completing it, she hasn't really had any actual jobs, despite myself and her family pushing her to get one, even just a basic work from home job. She would always get all pissy and make excuses though. So I was always the sole breadwinner while she took care of our son at home.Despite her being disabled she was still able to do some cleaning and cooking, but she never really did, and I never pressured her into it. I did most of that stuff myself after I got home from work. I took care of her, tried to take her to doctors to try and increase the quality of life with her disability, etc... Now I'm not saying she should be stuck in a relationship with me just because I was taking care of her, but what I do deserve is the goddamn decency of at least ending it before you go fuck another guy.

After I caught her I told her im done and I don't want her living under my roof anymore. She can go live with her mom, or the dude she wanted so badly to fuck. Side note, the guy didn't have a job either, he lives with his parents and was like 30 at the time and "in a band". Her family didn't disown her or anything like you hear in r/thathappened when you read these kinds of stories cause she was still their daughter.But from what I understand they told her she was stupid and really laid into her when she moved back with her mom. And they have been pressuring her hard to get up off her ass and get a job. She'll probably just find another poor sap to leach off of though.

/PerceptionQueasy3540/

I was the "sysadmin"and the Macs / iPhones had been set up to back up to iCloud with photos synchronizing across all devices. She's not tech savvy, I have a couple of degrees in tech and worked in tech.

She went on a "vacation" to visit family in NYC. I stayed in CA with our kids. This was the final straw: Photos of her NYC affair (w/an ex-friend of mine) began appearing on the family computer. I located her whereabouts via iPhone GPS. Searched the family computer and found her Ashley Madison profile, logged on and read the conversations.

Got her on the phone, asked her where she was and she claimed to be at her mother's while I was looking at her actual location online via iCloud. Eventually, after listening to her many lies, I told her where she was at and how I knew. She panicked, hung up, eventually they figured out how to disable GPS tracking.

She called me back the next day. More lies about her spending the evening at her family's place, so I emailed her (using Yesware) the photos that she had taken the prior evening with her iPhone which synchronized with iCloud and family computer.

Now she was lying about the actual photos, so I emailed her the Metadata which contradicted her statements. She literally got rid of her iPhone and bought another iPhone, got a new number.

But Verizon reps just set her up with the same Apple ID she had before, so photos (along with calendar, address book, etc.) from her brand new phone kept synchronizing with the family computer unbeknownst to her.

She called and swore she was at her family's place. So in an email I showed her how I used the yesware data to determine her approximate location and it was not her family's home, but her boyfriends place, but I didn't tell her that her new phone was synchronizing with iCloud and family computer.

So that evening, more pictures come across. This time including her married friend who is also having an affair with some guy that I easily locate on Facebook because I have the whole address book and the names and numbers of everyone that's in the photo. And I recognize a few other people that are also married, but not with their spouses. Must have been a cheaters night out or something.

So I send all of them a group text which apparently ended the evening. She calls screaming - I just hang up and block her.

/Cloud9/

My wife wanted a break (we'd been married around a year at that point), so i moved out, after about a week, I came back to collect some items and while tidying up i found there was a couple of condoms in the bin sat right on top. No saving that trainwreck of a marriage. Honestly she did me a favour.

As with all relationships its not as black and white as one day we decided to separate for a bit and she started fucking anythign with an apendage, there is a lot of stuff behind it all. My ex is a Muslim and we were both in our early 20s, we met at college and it was a complicated relationship from the start, we built our relationship over MSN and met in secret. after a few months i believed i was in love and told her so. she siad she felt the same but there was no way we could really be together unless I converted to islam and married her. I would do anything to be with her so i agreed to convert and she told her parents she wanted to marry me.

They agreed if i converted and if leanrd everything i needed to theyd allow the marriage. Over the next year i changed my entire life and studied as much as i could. the stress of it all was huge, and i ended up dropping out of college. red flags were all over the place but honeslty I couldnt see them as I was so focussed on meeting the demands of the family. Before we were married there were lies and inconsistencies in her stories. She told people innocuous lies about her and me all the time but i was too fucussed on tryign to meet her families demands to take full notice and put most of it down to misunderstandings.

The biggest red flag, and where i should have tapped out, was when she demanded i get a circumcision or there could be no wedding. i agreed and booked the operation (getting it done as an adult is a non trivial thing) She was also arrested for theft from her work around this time, stealing hundreds from the register. she pleaded with the police and said it was due to stress as she was marrying me and her parents were against it and were wanting to send her to pakistan, i was brought into it to confirm her story as her employer wanted to know the details before pressing charges she got off with having to attend sessions with a councelor.

We got married "Sorry no consumation untill the op" our wedding night was spent with me watching a mythbusters marathon and her going out with her new found freedom (she was under a strict home by 9pm with her family) and stay at her friends house. Weird right? A week or so later i was in hospital scared out of my mind and during the anesthetic my heart stopped twice i had a junior anesthesiologist doing it (bradacardia was the diagnosis) and vividly remember waking up feeling like my cheast was going to explode then hearing them shout hes crashing again, then losing conciousness again. not a fun experience. they still performed the op and i was layed up (its not relavant but this whole experience still haunts me today phsycally and mentally )

Over the next few months the lies become more and more prevelant and theyre coming back on me putting me in awkward situations with friends and aquatences ( for example she had told her work friends we had gone to Dubai for out honeymoon (we couldnt afford to even go to butlins at the time) they were asking if i had any photos and how it was out there. So much more happened but you get the gist.

So it comes to a point that shes keeping me at a distance , not communicating at all and spending a lot of time in our bedroom alone, she tells me one day she wants some time alone to get her head straight and that everything has got too much to deal with. im not really sure what she meant but i said id move in with my mum for a bit so she could get some perspective ( i was thnking that being married was so new to us both and it had been so stressful getting to where we were that some time apart might help her).

Now after i find the condoms and i know its over and she eventually confirms it all. i thought it was done and that was it, not quite. She told her family i was cheating on her and thats why we split. I proceed to get threats from her brothers and cousins over the next few months , being told they will find me and kill me, her mum barages me with texts calling me all the names under the sun and generally being as unpleasant as a person can be.

I go to ground for about 8 months ,moved to the country and i didnt go anywhere i was known. It all calmed down eventually but what a fucking shit show. i hope that gives a little perspective and explains the "Break" it wasnt a permission slip to sit on as many dicks as she could to make up for lost time.

/Koma79/

I spent 11 years with my ex. We met young, grow up together through our 20's. The Christmas before it ended, she was working late shift, I spent the day/evening cooking a turkey dinner, the whole deal. She walked in, I told her supper was ready, and she could grab a plate and serve herself (she was a picky eater, and didn't like when I would serve her the "wrong" pieces of meat).

She just suddenly became very vicious, started screaming at me for telling her to "serve herself". Despite my best efforts to de-escalate the situation, she proceeded to spend the following 6 hours screaming at me, insulting me, basically had a total meltdown. Smashed some stuff in the house, said the most hurtful things she could.

She worked in healthcare and her work was extremely stressful. Eventually I guess it took its toll. Tried my best to put the incident behind us, but I had a very strong feeling in my gut - "This can't be the mother of your children."

Valentine's day came around, I had to work til 8pm that day, and scrambled hard to find flowers to bring home to her that day, but I managed to. When I got home, I handed them to her and she just started yelling at me about how I'd gotten home late on Valentine's day.

We had a bit of an argument, she stormed off to the bedroom and I sat on the couch, dumbfounded. I woke up the next morning and she'd left for work. I never saw her again. She left a note specifically thanking me for one specific rose in the bouquet, but she put the bouquet on my desk. "I'm sorry, I need to sleep, I'm going to stay at a hotel."

Turns out, she left on Valentine's day to our mutual "best friend"'s house. How did I find out? The next night, we were gaming together, and he suddenly said, in a hasty tone "Uhhhh I gotta go guys" and disappeared. Later that day, I found he'd blocked me on all social media, gaming friend lists, etc.

This was February 14-15th, 2020. The lockdown hit right after. I had to spend the lockdown alone, surrounded by her stuff, while she was sleeping with a guy I thought was my best friend. Turned out that they'd been hooking up while I was at work for YEARS...should've listened to my gut.

The only other time I ever saw her was the day she came to get her stuff. It was awful. When she found out I'd found someone else, she went apeshit. tried to tell everyone I was abusive in all kinds of ways, all kinds of stuff. She started calling me begging me to meet up with her. I told her I didn't want to see her. She persisted.

So I had my buddy contact her new guy and tell him everything. Never heard from her again. 11 years with a person... you share all your experiences, growth, pain, joy, your entire lives together for 11 years. Then poof! Gone. Vaporized. Like they never existed. It ends well, though. I met the love of my life during the pandemic, we're still together today, and just bought our first house!

/Bonghead13/

My ex went on some kind of school trip to the middle east when we were both in graduate school. I missed a call with her one night - completely my fault - I forgot. For some reason it caused a massive fight that brought up every issue that we'd ever had in the years of being married and dating.

Like stepping on a landmine that turns out to be nuclear, when it should have been an anthill.

She was very controlling, and I had learned to just agree with her and tell her I was wrong to end fights faster, otherwise they lasted forever,

And they always got resolved the same way - me telling her I was wrong, I'd never do it again, how I hurt her feelings, etc., etc., etc. Our fights were always my mistakes, never hers. So we talked and talked and talked.

Many video chats over the course of several weeks. She seemed disconnected and uninterested. I felt that what she wanted was for me to make her feel like I was wildly in love and i would do anything to get her back.

Instead, what I felt was that I was tired of her bullshit. Finally, one day i told her I that I thought we needed to get a divorce. She agreed. It was more of an idea to consider than a final decision.

One night, I was trying to resolve things again before we finally decided to divorce and it finally hit me all at once that I was never going to make her happy. It was like turning off a light switch. Right then and there I was ready to sign divorce papers. I filled them out, met her at the courthouse after she got back, signed them, and I was done.

I think she realized that I had no feelings for her anymore, and that she was using the divorce as a way to hurt me. She wanted me to miss her and fight to get her back, but it all backfired. She yelled and yelled at me on the way back from the courthouse. I dropped her off and never saw her again.

Until a few months later. I was seeing someone new, and when my ex found out, she "remembered" that I had been abusive and stalking her, all kinds of insane things that weren't true. She told the police and tried to get a restraining order against me.

It didn't stick because it was obvious bullshit. 10 years later, I am married to the girl that she got mad at me over. We have 3 kids. My ex just turned 40 and lives with her parents. Sucks to suck, I guess.

/Bonghead13/

End of 2020 my ex started acting strange. She was coming apart at the seams from lockdown. She had also recently met this older coworker (by over 20 years) in a different state and became friendly. She got a Spotify shared music playlist going with him. I expressed I wasn’t comfortable with what was happening and she didn’t care. Eventually she had no interest in doing anything with me.

I asked if everything was OK with her, with me, with us. She assured me everything was fine and she was just struggling. She went for therapy and I had no idea really what was going on.

April 2021 she decides she wants to go on a “solo” trip by herself. These “solo” trips begin to happen with more frequency.

End of May 2021, she gives me her phone to order food from an app. I am getting really suspicious at this point and decide to look through the apps on her phone. I come across the Apartment Finder app.

I confront her about it, she totally denies it. A few days later she comes clean and admits that she’s been unhappy for “a long time” and is planning to move out. Had I not seen the app she would have just found an apartment and left. I was devastated.

We had been together nearly 8 years, married nearly 5 and I truly built my life around her. We go on a couple of pointless marriage counseling sessions. She had already checked out by then. Two different counselors, same story. Basically she married me hoping I’d turn into someone else.

Whereas I adored her for who she was and all her faults. I fully accepted her. Anyway, she moves out July 2021 and says she has to see if she “misses me” and demands no contact. I beg for her to give me a date for us to reconnect and she refuses.

From the beginning of the time we started dating, through our whole relationship, she had been going to school for her 4-year degree. I had emotionally and financially supported her through much of the way and she leaves me 2 weeks after finishing school. I become terribly suicidal during this time.

By the end of August 2021 I was absolutely losing my mind. I strung together strong evidence she was fucking her grandpa daddy coworker. I call her and she basically says she doesn’t miss me, doesn’t love me, we’re not compatible and marriage counseling is pointless and that was all inevitable to happen. I ask if she’s fucking her coworker. Long pause, “...maybe”. That was the moment I knew it was over and it was devastating in so many ways.

Divorce was finalized in July 2022. I’m still seeing a therapist from it and a part of a divorce support group. This experience has traumatized and changed me. In some ways better and in some ways worse. Feels like my innocence was stolen from me.

/igottapwner85/

Still in the marriage, but only because she's my best friend. It all began when she thought she couldn't deal with aspects of working in corporate America. This caused her to venture out into the field of glamour modeling. She started with the local amateur photographer classes where word spread of her looks and abilities.

She became highly sought for as she is very exotic looking. She met people who started attaching paid contracts for photo shoots and public appearances. This increased so quickly that she said she couldn't keep up with all the requests.

She didn't keep up with telling me,even with me asking about her plans,when and where she was going until a few days before she was flying out. She flew to Hawaii for a week but said she tried to get the photographer to help pay for me to tag along. She flew to Chicago to play a part on The Jerry Springer Show.

She went to New York City to be on The Howard Stern Show. She appeared in two episodes back when Howard was on E! TV. She occupied a square during an episode of his Hollyweird Squares bit.

This led to her flying to Las Vegas when Howard did his show there. I was left in the dark again right up to the day she left. On this trip,her role was to play the part of a pornstar who was going to date the winner of a quiz Howard conducted.

The final straw was a local radio station that had a shockjock DJ who had her on air about once a week. I only found out she was on-air by listening that day to the show. She would get the call to appear and off she went to the studio.

The DJ would make Howard blush. I was told it was all just make-believe for the listeners plus it gave her free advertising for her website. After that days show,I would be unable to get in contact with her for hours. She admitted she went to his house to see where he lived. Why? She feigned innocence.

One night was too much so I went to the studio and parked next to her car. Three hours after the show ended, a limo pulled up and the DJ and his radio sidekick exited followed by my wife. I'd had enough. I moved out after my birthday party.

She asked for marriage counseling. The counselor said she has underlying mommy issues and that she needs one-on-one sessions. My wife said she would change. She did. She went back to school and got her BS in Nursing,got her real-estate license, and disassociated herself from her past. She was ready to have a family. Her body was not. All sorts of attempts were made to become pregnant. She blamed me. She now has stage 4 breast cancer. I'm here to care for her.

/TXGerman/

I attempted to be in a relationship with a full blown psychopathic narcissist. This person had been my most longtime friend, and I knew he was manipulative and untrustworthy, but being in a romantic relationship was a complete different thing. As a lifelong criminal, addict and conman his (unfortunate) intelligence worked for him in that he knew how to make the most eloquently worded threats, while I fumbled to defend myself, because I don’t have those kind of arguments in my life.

His picture perfect memory of any small thing I’d done, ready to be hurled back into my face but I don’t file those kinds of things away to use against someone later. The insane blow ups and hateful words. Even when I’m arguing at my angriest point, I know there’s some things a decent person doesn’t say.

I’ve never regretted anything I’ve said in an argument because my heart won’t let me say vicious things to someone I actually care for. He would go straight for the jugular. Like “glad your beloved pet/friend/family member is dead “ kinda stuff. So that’s your basic run of the mill narcissist behavior but wait! It gets so much worse.

When we had been together for less than 2 months, he became obsessed over the course of 2 days with us getting married. I’m like 39, never married (my choice), months out of a ten year relationship, and not entirely blind to his conman ways say, Can we just take a little more time, live together first (because we didn’t), etc. He gets SO MAD SO DEJECTING, he goes to a bar and picks up a lady, disappears for 3 days, and I shit you not, convinces this actually very nice woman I’ve know since childhood to MARRY HIM. Of course, I’m floored. This is getting long so I’m going to try to make this compacted. They are together for 2 weeks and 2 days. I’m a forgiving person and after the apologies and tears and begging, I give a second chance. But I’m not blind to the Real Him.

One month later I had a medical emergency, lost a lot of blood, hospital and everything. When I’m home, sleeping on and off, sick and weak, this MF goes putting up multiple ads on Craigslist looking to meet up for anonymous sex (both sexes). I found 8 ads from the first night I was home (on our last day) He meets a girl that works as a home health aide and she’s got just the trick to win him over, a constant source of free pharmaceuticals.

I’m glad, so glad he leaves me. I block him on all forms of Internet contact available. And this REALLY hurt his butt. He calls the cops and child protective services . My kid is 17 & 11/12ths. I adore my child, respect my child and have never exposed my child to anything unsavory.

The cops literally rolled their eyes and left. The allegations were ludicrous. We busted out laughing when the CPS Head Director read over the allegations with me. And since that didn’t have the outcome he hoped for he send videos of me to everyone we knew, my mother, child and boss included, put them on a revenge porn site, harassed the guy I had been with before him who was in no way involved, stalked me and had me scared for my life at times.

I tried to get a restraining order but as I said, he knows too much from being in prison, and knew exactly how to word things in writing so they could be interpreted by someone as not threatening when I knew exactly what he was saying. And I delete ugly stuff, I don’t keep it in a revenge file. The police nor Martha’s house could help. My 9 year old cat disappeared .

I had really sketchy people contact me, apparently seeing the ads I’d been posting on Craigslist offering sex. In the end, Karma took over and helped me out. Bad things happen to bad people. And they keep happening. Narcissists! Am I right?? Worse 4 months of my life. But I can spot one a mile away now.

/user/myssiis/

My wife at the time told me that she had called a local radio station which often discusses hardships that military families go through and sometimes gives away $1,000 to a family in need of help. She said that she informed the radio station of my deployment and how I didn't come back the same, and she told them about our daughter (2 months premature and only 8 months old at the time) who had numerous health problems.

My wife explained to me that the radio station hadn't given away the $1,000 in quite a few weeks so they were going to give us $10,000 for her telling such a heartfelt story. She called me while I was at work to tell me what had happened and I was really excited...asked my SNCOIC to help me draw up a savings plan and figure out which debts should be paid off first, etc. Things were looking up.

I get home that night and rather than being greeting with an enthusiastic hug, she points to the loft and mouths "not now, I'm on the phone." so I go upstairs and wait for her to finish. While I was waiting I could hear her saying things like "yeah I can get those papers to you" and "no problem, I can have that ready by tomorrow." Hmm. Maybe they need identification and proof of my deployment or something, whatever.

Fast forward to later that night and like usual I'm having trouble sleeping. I decide to get on the computer and listen to the podcast from the radio show. After a few searches I find it and start listening to it. This is where my blood starts to boil. She told the DJs that she was a single lady living on her own and that her sister married a Marine and they had a child named Marie (our daughter's middle name).

She goes on to say that Marie is now in her custody after the Marine husband (me, sort of) was killed in Afghanistan and the mother (her IRL single sister with no kidsv Jacqui) was killed in a car wreck and Marie was now my wife's responsibility.

Hundreds of people called in and offered to help, many of which owned business and wanted to offer things like baby supplies or completely furnishing a nursery for her. Literally thousands of people had heard this bullshit fabricated story, including some of my coworkers.

It was the radio station she was on the phone with and they were asking her to provide death certificates and a birth certificate for Marie, which is why I was shoo'd away. I told her parents about it even had them listen to the recording from that day's show.

Their response? "Well she's stressed about money and things got out of hand. No need to get bent out of shape over it." So I told my sergeant and staff sergeant about it. They told me to handle it on my own and that it better not hinder my work performance.

My ex wife and her parents run a Tae Kwon Do studio in Southern California and I'm sure that if word got out about their precious daughter trying to scam thousands of dollars from a radio station, it'd probably hurt their business.

/MysticMarshmallow/

I was unhappy for a long time. It started great with love passion and reciprocation. She went off to college and things slowly got rough. She didn’t communicate as much but I stuck with it. She dropped out and moved across the country, i visited and she stopped giving me the attention you should give your loved one that makes an effort to see you. I almost broke up with her then. I guess I should have.

Instead I moved across the country to be with her to “fix it”. We did ok and things got a little better. The intimacy on her side started to get less but I understood because she was on antidepressants. We got married and moved back to our home state. She wasn’t working for a period and didn’t help around the house so everything fell to me.

We did couples therapy but she kept missing sessions due to illness and we had to pay for the sessions if we missed whereas if we went insurance paid. I simply couldn’t afford it. The therapist did say “Clearly one of you needs therapy more than the other” indicating my wife.

She started working a bit and then our cat died and it really broke us, he was probably the closest thing I would get to a kid. We loved the little guy. This is when the intimacy really went away.

I went back to school and she got a job as a pharmacy tech and my dad gave us a stipend to help and I took out loans to keep us afloat. Things went on and she told me she was doing personal therapy to help the intimacy issues. Covid hit and I had to drop out. I worked a low paying job and did gigs for most of a year.

When my aunt was in a horrific car accident and had to be airlifted I left to house sit and watch the family dog. I came back and my wife said she didn’t miss me. I was heartbroken. I had worked my entire adult life to make her happy and be a provider for her. I never cheated, I wasn’t abusive, I went out of my way to make her days better.

The last stroke was when she and her mom decided behind my back to have her move across the country again to a new state with no friends, no job, no housing nothing. She refused counseling and I wasn’t allowed any input.

She took the newer cat, the car worth 3x mine most of our possessions and most of our money. I was obviously depressed and had suicidal ideation. I had been there for her for 13 years of her battling depression. When I asked for the same she told me she wouldn’t be there for me.

Now I just realize I’ve wasted my entire adult life on someone that never gave a damn about me. Don’t be me. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone that is unwilling or unable to put in the effort that you deserve.

/falcon0221/

Not a divorcé, but when friends would notice that my tension level would immediately go up to max when she got home. When I would rather spend time alone in another room than going upstairs to be with her. When she would assign cleaning tasks to each of us, and then when I had finished my tasks, she’s reapportion her tasks so we were “even” again, and then she wouldn’t do any of her tasks at all. And she’d do this again when we had a temporary roommate, giving herself and I the majority of the tasks, then reapportioning all of our tasks when I was done with mine while they hadn’t done any of theirs until eventually, again, I would end up doing all of it myself.

When she would only go to work, which she admittedly said that it was easy because she would just do stuff on her phone and socialize with her coworkers all day, then come home, shower and sleep, while I did all the housework, work, and take care of her kid (taking her to and picking her up from school), and all the cooking and cleaning, then complaining to friends that all I did was sleep.

Living on few hours of sleep a day because I had to wake up at 5 am to get her kid ready, fed, and to school, only to get back home at 7 am, sleep for an hour before having to get up for work and cleaning the place, picking her kid up from school at 2 pm and going to the grocery store because she doesn’t eat leftovers, then coming home and doing homework with the kid which would take hours, then having her take a bath while I tried to make whatever dish she happened to find on Facebook at 6:45 pm and wanted before she got home at 8 pm, then her coming home and bitching about anything that wasn’t done during the day as well as how the dinner I made didn’t taste good, then her taking a shower then laying in bed on her phone while I cleaned the kitchen and dishes and her going to sleep wanting me to massage her as she falls asleep, and then finally being able to take a shower myself because she didn’t want me to use the hot water so she could have her hour-long shower in perfect heat, then finally being able to sleep myself until the pattern repeated the next day.

Having to eat leftovers all the time, gaining 40 lbs in the process, because she doesn’t eat leftovers even when it’s delicious and I pack her lunch up for her before she leaves for work (she just “forgets” to bring it with her). When we had friends over, and she’s just eating through snacks and tossing the wrappers/packaging on the counter next to the trash can, then saying “Oh, I thought you were going to pick up after me?” when I point it out. When she would threaten me with asking her friends to watch her daughter instead of me because her daughter hadn’t taken a bath and wasn’t in bed by the time she got home from work.

When her kid’s schoolmate had a birthday party on a Saturday when she was not scheduled for work, she told me to take her kid to the party in Killeen, TX and said she’ll come when she feels better, agreeing to pick up a gift for the birthday kid on her way. Then, as we’re driving there, she calls me and tells me to pick up a gift card at a store, but there were no stores on the way there, so she again agreed to pick up a gift before she met us at the party.

Then as the party is dying down after several hours, I message her asking when she’s coming, she says that she still feels sick, and won’t be coming, leading me to have to embarrassingly apologize and tell the birthday kid’s parents that we’ll send our daughter to school with a gift before leaving to go home, only to find that she’s not there at all. She arrives a few minutes later, and it turns out that she went to the mall instead taking her daughter to the party and wasn’t sick at all.

When it’s the 6th year in a row where she had forgotten my birthday, but to make up for it, she’ll have her mom take the daughter for the night and we’ll go out drinking. The day of, I take the daughter to the mom’s mom’s place, who has me buy them a pizza in return, then come back and she tells me that her friends want her to go out with them, but only for a couple of hours, and then asked me if I want to go. I say yes, and let’s go. And then she says “wearing that?” And I tell her okay, I’ll change. And then she asks if wouldn’t be more comfortable just staying here and relaxing for a bit. And then I ask what’s going on. It turns out that she doesn’t want me going at all and that she’ll meet me at my place in Austin in two hours.

When she arrived drunk off her ass an hour late after telling me she’s leaving to pick me up, while I sat on the curb outside waiting for her, with her having hit a curb so hard that her front passenger-side wheel was bent sideways. When we finally go to the club and she says that one of her customers was meeting up with us, rather than our mutual friends, and it turns out that he thought she was coming out with him on a date.

When it turns out that the reason why she didn’t want me to go with her when she went out with her friends was because she was into one of the guys who were going to be there, who she’s currently dating now. When she still calls and messages me to this day about how she wants to leave him and be alone with me.

/NubEnt/

Her lack of care for me and constant anger and treating me like a hired help. For her birthday I would buy her digital cameras or laptops or stereos (multiple, as I upgraded them with new ones several times.)

One year for my birthday I got a can of beer and two bags of chips. I don't even drink beer....I drink pineapple beer. Because the can of beer was yellow she concluded it must be the same thing..which shows you just how much she knew and cared about me. Zero.

I asked her why and she told me "You know I don;t earn as much as you". Yeah..pretty sure you could have afforded more than $5 though. And you should have known what I actually like instead of thinking "yellow can". She would wait until I got home and then ask me to go out to buy the shopping. We lived on a 7th floor apartment with no lift...

I asked her to call me before i left work (I was a teacher, I left at 5:30 every day) and I would go shopping on the way home but somehow she never did. Always waited until I was home.

She would take the children away with her whenever she felt like it without asking me or even telling me..I would just come home and they were all gone.They were "her" children. She didn't have to ak me for permission or even let me know. they would just be gone, sometimes for a weekend, sometimes for a week or two when the holidays came.

She didn;t listen to me about anything. The only opinion that mattered was hers. Mine was wrong..every time. Sex life was good until I hit 55 and got kidney stones. After that it became painful. The first time I ever told her no she was surprised. The second time she told me "I am going to divorce you and fuck other men" and stormed off angrily. She hit the children with coathangers a few times. That was what brought on the final divorce...I came home and found the children backed into a corner and her threatening them with a coat hanger..because they forgot to bring all their homework books home from school. I've seen her hit them before so I told her to stop. She refused.

I grabbed my iPad and started filming her, she then attacked me with the coathanger. She then called the police and said I attacked her...when I got to the police station I had an interview I told them I had evidence on my iPad. I showed them the recording, they let me go and called her to come down to the police station instead.

After that she wanted a divorce. She'd been fooling around with some guy on the net and wanted to divorce me in time so she could go on holidays with him. By then I had had enough so I agreed. (I would have anyway, I believe people are free and you can;t make someone love you.)

4 years later now and I have full custody of both kids, they live with me and are happy.
She is single..she never admitted it but from what I can see as soon as the guy found out she was no longer married he disappeared and she has never seen him again.

I am happy to be free and I hated the final years of our marriage so much I plan never to remarry...I haven't even dated for the last 4 years. Happy to just look after the kids and be free. When I got divorced it felt like a breath of fresh air had entered my life...

/TheDevilsAdvokaat/

Four months after we had tied the knot, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and I started going to therapy. My now ex-wife didn’t seem to want to talk about it a lot and she rarely asked me how I was doing and if the appointments were what I hoped they would be. My mental health started going downhill and she was clearly unhappy about things. Her parents would blow up my phone and tell me about how I was “supposed to be the answer to their prayers” and that she would be fine without me.

My spouse was also becoming more and more unwilling to help with grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and she would have random outbursts of anger every now and then. She was also beginning to push for a baby but we were in no condition to conceive a child (work, small apartment, student loans). I had thought that this was just the rough first year of marriage that couples normally experience, but now I realize that it wasn’t supposed to be like that at all.

Two months ago, my cousin came to visit my family and my spouse threw at me the accusation that my cousin and I were having an affair. Unwilling to listen to why I was confused, she packed her things and drove to her parents house. Her parents messaged me not long after saying that they all needed some space away from me.

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t feel safe so I called my parents and told them what just happened. They came to me shortly afterwards and helped me pack a few things so that I could stay with them for a while. During this entire process, I started thinking that the best thing for my spouse and I to separate.

One week later, we agreed to meet up and discuss the future and what was next. She accused me of falling in love with my cousin, was unwilling to separate and wanted to pretend like nothing ever happened, and finally told me that she was going to take her own life if we separated.

My response was that she needed to start seeing someone if she was having suicidal thoughts and I guess that was the last thing she wanted to hear because she got up and left afterwards. I tried calling and texting to get her to come back and continue to discuss things to no avail. Three days later, I get a text from her saying that she was unwilling to be the one responsible for our marriage falling apart and wanted a divorce (it also turned out that she wasn’t suicidal at all). Not having anything left to give in or fight anymore, I reluctantly agreed.

It is now two months later and I am slowly starting to focus on my individuality again. Therapy is going extremely well for me and I am trying to take care of myself as much as possible. I moved back home and I am patching up all of the wounds that I am having to deal with everyday.

I haven’t heard from her or anyone in her family and I know that I will always be the villain in their eyes. My friends are slowly finding out that we got divorced and they have been nothing but supportive, although they didn’t hesitate to express some shock as my spouse and I appeared to be the “perfect couple”.

So what did I learn? Make sure marriage is what you want, that it’s with the right person, and you’re doing it for the right reasons. To all of those who have experienced or are currently experiencing this, I’m sorry that things didn’t turn out to be what you expected it to be and I hope you find all that you’re looking for.

/Legitimate_Truck9826/

Not the moment she cheated; the moment she lied about cheating just to hurt me. My Ex and I had dated all throughout high school and eventually married after I finished my last tour in Afghanistan with the USMC. We had our problems, just like any other couple, and it didn't help that we had just spent the last 4 years during my enlistment completely seperated from each other. I had changed a fair amount during my time in the infantry, just as she had changed a lot by putting herself through four years of college.

We didnt take the time to get reacquainted, which ultimately led to inconsolable differences. About 2 years into our marriage, the petty arguements began to turn vindictive. I purposefully began going out my way to avoid her, as she began going out of her way to spite me. I worked as a private military contractor and was overseas for 6 months. I had arranged some personal leave at the 3 month mark to surprise her for her birthday, and would be able to stay statside for 10 days. I got to our condo while she was at work and set up the entire shebang. I began cooking a lavish feast, got her favorite wine and snacks, festooned the place with flowers and candles, then proceeded to wait for her to get off work, which was 7pm.

I sat in the dark of our bedroom with a stale open bottle of wine when she came stumbling in somewhere around 11pm, and she was not alone. Her and her guest shambled around the kitchen before making it to our room, where they spilled onto our marital bed in a pile of giggles and labored breaths...barely 6ft from where I sat. I watched from the dark, as they were too drunk to even notice me, contemplating what to do next. My personal sidearm was in my duffel bag that lay near my feet.

Should I surrender to my base urge to empty the clip at the writhing mass of carnal betrayal? Should i take the high road and slip away and begin the court proceedings? I decided to announce myself by racking the slide of my unloaded weapon. After silently stomaching their ensuing ramble of blubbering excuses, I calmly grabbed a few things and left to sleep in my truck at the beach.

We worked things out over the next few weeks. She was my bestfriend and I still loved her deeply. We began marriage counseling through the Vet center and she opened up about feeling lonely. Our sex life had fizzled the past few years and I understood that she craved attention. I felt part of me was to blame for her transgression, and when you marry, you do everything you can to make it work.

I compromised by opting out of further overseas deployments with my contracting group and became a weapons/tactics instructor. This was my promise to give her the attention she deserved. Fast forward 6 months and we are at each others throats about our finances (the WORST thing to fight about). I decide to get a drink with a fellow former jarhead and decompress before loosing my temper. She sent a slew of offensive texts that eventually culminated with me not being allowed back home until I "get my head out of my @$$".

3 days later and I go to the apartment to grab some gear for work while she was on shift. I find a condom wrapper (we never used them) halfway tucked under the closet door. I take a picture and sent it to her, along with the words "care to explain?". She ignored me for about 24 hours. I begin planning my exfil strategy and how division of our assets will go. She finally calls me and asks to meet. I agree, assuming she wanted to discuss our looming divorce. She then proceeds to explain to me how the condom wrapper was placed there so I would find it.

She showed me pictures of her buying them and placing it under the closet door, intended proof that the entire thing was orchestrated. She said she was feeling neglected again, and wanted to remind me how easy it would be for her to find another man, but that she realized that may have been too far and that she was sorry. She wanted me to know that she didn't actually cheat, and that she was just angry and wanted me to come back.

She just wanted me to "hurt a little". I told her that for someone who has seen his fair share of violence in action, I never would've believed her capable of such hateful behavior. Cheating is a mistake. The calculated rouse she enacted was a deliberate attack. It was at that time that i knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that our 11.5 year relationship was dead and buried.

/iUsed2EatPeople/

I have battled depression since I was young. It comes and goes, but obviously major emotional blows will set me down for weeks (backstory that helps explaining the situation). We had been married for seven years, just had a child a year before, and I was making enough money at my job to support he being a stay at home mom like she wanted. Life was good. Except I wasn't sleeping. I was barely eating. I was miserable. See, the job I did was with the electric company. I shut people off when they didn't pay, you know THAT guy. The one everyone hates.

I don't do conflict. I don't like to hurt people. I did this job to support my family, that was it. And it made me suicidal. But she didn't care. When I tried to talk to her about it she told me to find help. I mean, she had a point, but I was going to her for help, and she provided none. Anyway, because of the weight of the depression and the lack of sleep and the absolute disdain I had for my job, I began showing up late to work, consistently. I just couldn't anymore. My will to continue in that job simply failed. So, naturally, I lost my job. It's my fault of course.

On top of loosing my job, my mother had been in the hospital in Florida for a month after she had open heart surgery. The incision failed to heal and she wasn't doing well. So, it's the first of December, I just lost my job, and all our income, my mother is dying, and I'm blaming myself for all of it. So we discussed the situation and she suggested I stay home and finish my degree while she goes back to work. I'll be the stay at home dad while she works. Ok, that makes sense. I'm a 21st century man, I don't have any self esteem or confidence to defend anyway, so we can switch roles easily. She goes out and gets a job selling rainbow vacuum cleaners, and that's where the end officially started...

She gets paired up to train with this guy. Charismatic, dreamer, an exemplary salesman. Could sell sand to a desert nomad. I didn't think about it, but it was always in the back of my mind. I look for jobs as well because she's on commission and even if she was having success it wouldn't be enough to cover our bills. I'm also doing school work, cleaning the house, taking care of our baby. I'm doing ok as dad at home. Meals on the stove by the time she got home, dishes and laundry caught up. Not done, but at least we had clean clothes to wear.

Anyway, this goes on from mid December to February. Mom is doing better. She's finally gone home and is looking to be on the mend. Right at the end of January we're invited to a little get together with the group she's working with so we all go and it's not a bad time. I'm chatting with folks cracking jokes and what not. Well the party gets late and the baby is getting tired, so I'm told why not lay her down to nap in the playpen and we'll leave in a little bit.

So I'm trying to get our daughter to sleep and she's out there with her co-workers, nbd. Our girl was notoriously hard to get to sleep, so it took me a while to finally get her sleeping. During this time her and her trainer have broken off on their own, but again, I'm the trusting sort, there's nothing going on. The ride home was quiet. And I could sense discomfort. I knew it was done then. She approached me on February 2nd to say she wanted a divorce.

It was a Thursday I remember because I had forgotten to take the trash to the curb that morning, so I miss trash day. It happens when you are battling to remember if you should be alive or not. The next day she confessed her love for the guy she's working with, goes on a date with him that Saturday, and sleeps with him the next Friday, while took care of our daughter.

It was a terrible situation. It was compounded by my mother dying that March. It's been three years now, I realize now of course that I had checked out of the marriage years prior, and really so had she. We've had lots of discussions about where we went wrong with each other. We are friendly now and I feel our co-parenting style is an example of what all divorced parents should strive for. Turns out we work well together when we live half an hour apart.

And for those of you who may ask: she did end up marrying the salesman. He's doing well enough to support her as a stay at home mom. Hes a good step dad, that's all I can ask for. I remarried as well, and my wife and ex-wife get along very well for our daughter. The kids are what's most important to us.

/Mastersword87/

There were a lot of red flags when we were dating but they were all just flags at the time because I was so in love with him. I believed he loved me too and because of that naivety I believed he would never do anything to intentionally cause me harm (WRONG). He never became physically abusive... but he was abusive in literally every other way.

He would belittle my needs, humiliate me in public, make jokes with his friends at my expense, make me feel awful if there were certain things I didn't want to do in the bedroom (coercion is a form of sexual abuse), and he was never truthful about his finances. From the moment we got married I wanted us to join bank accounts and he adamantly refused. Then when we started having money problems somehow it was all my fault?? Plus he was the KING of silent treatment. Some days he just refused to acknowledge my presence.... I'd wake up or come home and out of nowhere he wouldn't look me in the eye.

During these silences he liked to call other women and flirt with them on the phone in front of me (one in particular that he knew hurt me).... whenever I called him out on it he berated me for some awful thing I had done a month ago, or a year ago, or two years ago and say it was my fault that I'm so insecure and he should be allowed to talk to other women. He was also addicted to WoW and I'm not using the word "addiction" lightly. Any time I tried to approach him about anything related to our marriage he would gaslight the fuck out of me and I'd be the one who'd break down apologizing. He had me convinced I was a horrible person/wife and he needed his games and these other women because I was so awful to be around. This is why abused women don't leave.... they begin to believe their abusers.

He also used to "volunteer" me for things that I didn't know about ahead of time or ever agree to. For example... he told me the day of that I had to drive 2 hours to pick up one of his co workers from the airport... did I mention he was 28, in the Army, and no driver's license? That morning he said I had to go pick her up and if I didn't he'd get demoted and it would be my fault. Forget the fact that I already had plans that day and there was a shuttle service. Another time he told me on the actual morning of Thanksgiving (not the day prior or a few days prior... on actual Thanksgiving) that I needed to make mashed potatoes for a group of 15-20 people.

I immediately refused and he blew up... he reminded me how terrible of a wife I was and my refusal is proof of why. I rushed 45 min out of town to the only grocery store open to get all the ingredients and was able to make the potatoes. That evening he doted on me in front some of his co-workers praising my generosity. I hate to say this now but at the time his approval felt good (which he knew). Writing this all out is actually giving me kind of an emotional flashback.What finally did it for me was one holiday season in particular. We both had family on the opposite side on the country in the same city and in years past we'd fly over together and spend the holiday season with our families. However money was tight one year so we both agreed to stay home.

Slowly... he started to open up about how much he missed his friends across the country and asked me if it was okay that he bought a ticket for himself... and only him. He wore me down, and I agreed. A few days later, I was talking to my mom on the phone and told her the situation. She went dead silent. Then said, "Oh my God, that is not right. That is not how a husband treats his wife. He's okay with you spending the holidays alone, and I'm not going to let that happen. You're coming here for Christmas, I'm buying your ticket now."

What ended up happening is we both flew across the country separately, stayed with our respective immediate families for 10 days, and we were a mere 30 min drive from each other the whole time. He was PISSED when he found out I was also flying across the country, so during the 10 days were over there he refused to see me. He refused to see me on Christmas and New Years. I didn't see him again until we both had flown back home.

That's when I checked out of the marriage. I stopped caring about his gaming addiction, him sexting other women, and started making plans to leave. The last few months of our marriage was quite peaceful actually... I knew I was going to leave him so it didn't matter. The funny part is that when I flew home for the last time and he realized I was serious about ending the marriage he decided to drag our divorce out for 2 fucking years. We had no kids, no shared assets, no shared finances lol.... that's what happens when you leave a narcissist. He hated not being in control or feeling like he had the upper hand.

What's disgusting now is that I know he attends women's marches/rallies and claims to be an ally for equal female rights... I know he's still a misogynist at heart but his reputation matters more to him than anything else... and if marching for women is what gets him attention he'll do it. I just got remarried recently to literally the best and most handsome man I know. I love his soul with every fiber of my being and he is a beautiful person inside and out!!

/Team_JL/

Paying attention to her needs. Making real efforts. To her credit she was trying too. But it just wasn't happening. Intimacy was basically zero.Family vacation comes at the end of August where we meet my parents and siblings in a beach town for a week. She didn't want to go and fake it in front of everybody. I tell her she needs to tell them why she isn't coming then. She makes a story about needing to go to a Drs appointment for an upcoming surgery on her foot being the reason she can't come.

I don't want to be the one to tell everybody we're having problems yet cuz you try to keep that stuff private as long as you can . So my sister gets the idea to take a picture of her and blow it up, laminate it and put it on a stick so that we all take pics with her in spirit. We'd done the same with her husband a few years back when he was in firefighters academy. When she sees the pictures she is not happy. I apologize but it's not fair to me that I had to play up this no problems environment that week.

At this point we were still sleeping in the same bedroom, eating meals together and generally going thru the motions. She has surgery on her foot in September. I use the iPad while she's in surgery and see messages she sent to people about how she doesn't love me anymore and all that jazz. I've basically deluded myself for the last 6 months that we could fix it.

But it's obvious neither of us truly wanted that now. she's going to be laid up for at least 2 weeks from this surgery at home. Won't be able to drive herself anywhere for a while either. So we set her up in the spare bedroom which was probably the nail in the coffin. After many sleepless nights I go in the bedroom and ask her what are we doing.

This isn't working. Both of us hurt. I'm going to help her thru her recovery and by November I'm going to move out. I call a mutual friend and let him know the bad news good news. Bad news is We are separating, but good news is he doesn't have to search for a roommate on craigslist any longer haha.

During the move out we promise we are going to keep working and try, but honestly it never truly happened. In my state you have to be separated for a year before filing for divorce. We didn't have kids, just two dogs and a cat. I took one dog, she had the other two.

We would talk occasionally throughout the next year. Usually helping each other out when one of us would go out of town to watch the animals. Once that year came up we met for dinner at a nice restaurant and basically had a good meal catching up that I asked her if she was in the same headspace as myself and wanted to proceed towards divorce. She agreed so we found a no-fault divorce lawyer since we agreed on all the property split and we got divorced for $500 total.

Honestly sometimes people just grow apart and it sucks. We never really shouted at each other. There was never hints of physical violence or emotional damage on either side really. But we just never really talked until it was too late. The relationship I'm in now we have way more disagreements, but it feels healthier as we talk things out and keep communication lines open.

/TheDnicest/

My then Wife, we had been married for 3 years already. Her age at the time was 21 and I was 28. At around our 2nd year of marriahe, she couldn't stop talking about her co-worker and how he was making much more and was better than me. I would just change the subject and try and let us think about something else or go buy dinner.

Even later she would sometimes hint about celebrities who had open relationships and would sometimes suggest about one. Everytime I would get angry and we would argue. Then the same night she would just seduce me into sex/forgiveness. This went on for several months. We never had heartfelt apologies.

She didn't work and was often with her girlfriends or at home watching television. She never talked to me or asked me if I was okay, unless if she wanted money of course. When I would say no, she would always bring up something like how all her friends get treated by their man's and I should do the same for her.

And that the men who don't treat their women usually get divorced or left.
One time when I got back early from work, I came home very exhausted, tired, and pissed, I had just had an argument with multiple co-workers that day and just wanted to relax. She wasn't home and I just assumed that she was out with her girlfriends.

I went upstairs to take a nap... And I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw her and her another man both but naked engaging in Anal intercourse, with his semen spilled and soaked all over my bed, inside my own house. I was astonished and a burst of anger came into be.

She exclaimed it wasn't what it looked like but I couldn't care less. She stayed there naked in my room but the guy tried to fit some pants on and leave in a hurry. I wanted to hurt them both and make them pay. And that's what I was going to do. I grabbed my Bretta 92 and aimed it at them and threatened them, telling them to get out.

She told the other man that she'll finish giving him a good time another time. And that was just an insult to me, he smirked at me as he left the room, as if both of them didn't care I had a gun. At that I couldn't hold it in me anymore and I pulled the trigger on him. I was scared, angry and sad that all of this is happening to me.

She cried out saying that she thought she had removed the bullets. I shoved her to the ground and said "if you value your life get the fucking hell out of here". I remember those words so well. We divorced and I served 17 years in prison and then got a parole, (still had 4 left).

Now I am married with 3 children and the most beautiful woman I can ever imagine. It still stings to think about my past but it's something I do to remind myself to control my emotions.

/HarrieJeckham/

If it makes sense, I had several moments like these. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I wasn't being crazy or picky. I had thought about divorce occasionally, but I always thought that dealing with what others would think of me would be worse than staying married. It took a long time for me to realize that my marriage was worse than what any dumbass thought of me.

Anyway, the worst "It's over" moment was when we were watching a movie. It was the American remake of a French movie called Funny Games, which is a sort of psychological horror mindfuck. It's about a home invasion. In the movie one of the home invaders points a gun at the wife, and orders the husband to get nsked or else the wife will get shot.

At this point my husband said that he would never do that. I asked what he meant. He said he would never allow anyone to control him like that. He didn't like being naked in front of anyone, but he really zeroed right in on being controlled, especially by a man.

I asked him if he understood that I'd be getting shot, and possibly killed, because he wouldn't take his clothes off. His answer was, "Shooting you is his choice. I can't control his choices." I asked if he meant that I'd probably end up getting killed anyway. "No. I just can't let him control me. If you die, it's not my fault."

I yelled and cried. It was the first time I asked him to go to marriage counseling and the first time he said no. He was doing his little routine where he deliberately said something hurtful and then pretended that my reaction was irrational. I was the only one in the conversation who was upset, therefore I was bring unreasonable.

The fact that he was calm was his proof that he was in the right. (This logic never applied in reverse, though. If he was upset it was righteous anger at an injustice. He was never ever in the wrong or irrational, in his opinion.)

This wasn't the first incident that I swept under the rug because I let him make me doubt myself. And there were more after. But this was probably the worst I ever felt. I think the only reason I didn't leave right then (aside from having no money) is that I was picturing that everyone would be asking me why. I couldn't imagine saying to people that we broke up because he said something mean to me while we were watching a movie.

If anyone reads this far and is in a similar situation, here's what you need to hear. First, most people don't ask why you're getting divorced. I thought everyone would ask, but only two people actually did (and fuck them). Second, it is absolutely, 100%, totally acceptable to lie if someone is rude enough to ask why you got divorced. I'm a very linear thinker and my default is to think that anything that isn't perfectly true is a lie.

That's not so. The reasons for a divorce are usually complex, sensitive, and personal. Nobody is entitled to that information. If someone is asking for sensitive information they're not entitled to, it's OK to give them a half answer, no answer, or just lie. It's only wrong to lie in this situation if lying will bring someone to harm. You dont have to share any truths you don't want to share.

/notreallylucy/

I had a big fight with my ex wife in a vacation. It was over something stupid but she just made a big deal and was extremely nasty to me about it. It turns out she ran this pent up growing resentment towards me since we were married. I didn’t want to have a kid right away and I wasn’t looking for a house seriously enough.

Like she hinted these things in the past but for the kid, she was in agreement after we got married that we were gonna wait until we were 30 but she was never fully ok with it because that’s not what she had in mind. Things just fell apart since we got married because when I got a new job and she maintained her night job, we just spent less time together.

My new job at the time was brutal. I would stay late, bring work home to work on after hours and even on my off days. The time we barely had together, I guess I just focused on something fun we can do together when instead I guess she wanted it to be spent on serious stuff.

I had my faults. I should have been more receptive to her feelings but I have already forgiven myself that I was too preoccupied from my busy job which she resented me for not being able to juggle properly.

Sorry for the tangent, somewhat therapeutic for me to type that out like that. But yes, that fight in September 2022 is when I knew it was over because she mentioned she wanted a divorce. I didn’t want that. So the compromise was that we were gonna be separated for a bit to see if that would help our relationship like maybe she would miss me during the time apart.

I certainly still miss her to this day but she clearly didn’t and made that known on October 2022. She told me she didn’t miss me and actually enjoyed the one month apart because she was thinking of divorcing me for months. I feel like it was since I got my new job since April 2022. But she never opened up to me about until September.

She should have communicated with me more but she always bad at that. Always expected me to be a mind reader since I should have “known her by now” since we were already together for 7 years. Like she would only make hints about her dissatisfaction but she would never make them too serious because she doesn’t be too forceful because in her eyes,

I would definitely change to keep the marriage going but it wouldn’t be genuine in her eyes since it was only done if she told me so. Separation continued until Christmas 2022 she gave me the divorce papers as a Christmas gift and then yeah, we got divorced.

The tragic thing is that she never wanted counseling. I do and I offered we should do it. But she says she doesn’t trust a stranger to deal with our problem and that there is no one else is in this marriage besides me and her so it’s only our problem alone.

/20stalks/

I was in a very toxic marriage that I jumped into at too young of an age where I didn't know what I wanted -- mentioning this for context. We were generally happy but whenever we would fight my spouse had a Jekyll and Hyde type of personality and I couldn't shake some of the mean things they had said to me during those interactions. I stuck around because the good times were very good and the sex was also very good. Did my spouse also cheat on me many times and I caught their photographic evidence? Yes. But was that the actual thing that tore us apart? Sort of, but not really.

At a certain point the sex became worse to me because I could feel us both emotionally pulling away. It became a chore and that person also had a pretty hard (and manipulative/emotionally abusive) rule that we had to have sex each and every night. I started protesting to that and they would pout until I gave in -- like I said, TOXIC red flag city.

We started going to counseling which in retrospect they probably agreed to since they thought it would help our sex life. Once we got a couple of sessions in, it was very clear that the therapist was trying to help us dissolve the marriage (a conscious uncoupling of sorts). You might think that that was an inappropriate thing for them to do but we talked about some heavy deal breaker stuff during those sessions and my spouse very clearly was trying to manipulate the therapist as well as me during those sessions.

At one point the therapist asked us, "where do you see this going? Is there a way to resolve these differences between you?" And I outright answered, "no, I think we must divorce, I cannot see a path forward anymore." It was one of the hardest things I have ever said aloud but it was easier to say while making eye contact with the therapist than if I had admitted that one on one with my spouse.

We walked to the car after the session and my spouse cried for the first time in front of me. They began begging and pleading for me to give them more chances and that they would change. A previous version of myself would have accepted that and grit through it but something inside of me had shifted. Through all the pain this person and put me through and all the times I was pleading at their feet, they had never shown any emotion.

They would simply jab at me with daggers made of their mean words and ignore my feelings. Yes, even when they cheated they somehow tried to excuse their behavior and didn't make amends. This was the only point in our relationship where the wall fell down for a moment but I was unmoved by their response.

From then on, we tried to make it work (kind of) for a few months, mostly for appearances through a family holiday season, but it was torture. And after we told our families and the divorce began it became worse and worse until I got a restraining order after a weird incident and stalking.

Cutting to the end, I'm almost a decade away from this situation and it has made me extremely wary of marriage. I still believe in love at first sight but refuse to approach lust at first sight with a 10 foot pole. I'm in a very stable long term relationship and maybe the sex is a bit less fun but I'm pretty sure the sex was only good with my ex because deep down there was a lot of resentment mixed with love. I've come to realize I don't have a healthy sense of attraction to people so it's healthier for me to be stable and not erratically aroused by bad actors.

Okay, long long story, but does this even match the point of this post? Idk. Shared since it might be helpful for someone in a similar state 💙

/roygbivboyploy/

I had been thinking about filing for divorce for a long time, but I was terrified. I had no job skills, he told me he'd get full custody of our kids because he'd show my journals to the judge and prove I'm crazy, he had all the income and I had none, I was afraid the courts would be on his side, I didn't have any family around who gave a crap about me or my kids and would help out with even simple babysitting every once in a while, and I knew what a GREAT con-artist he is.

He is really expert at telling tall tales and making everyone believe him and feel sorry for him. I've seen him con our kids, con attorneys (even mine) and con his bosses. He's a scam artist.

So I was trying to FIX myself so I could endure the marriage. Tried to fix the marriage too, but after a few times in therapy with a non-religious therapist, he wouldn't go back. He was, and maybe still is, a religion addict. Would only consent to going to ONE therapist, a guy endorsed by our (then) church.

We went to him a couple of times but I refused to go back because I didn't like the church-sanctioned therapist. He had no empathy. He didn't seem to be the least bit concerned about the physical, emotional and verbal abuse that had been perpetrated on me by my ex.

One morning I was very ill. I don't remember if it was food poisoning or the flu, but I was like a weak kitten with the diarrhea. Had been up most of the night pooping and throwing up. I was supposed to drive the kids to school, with the toddler in the car, but I was afraid I'd poop my pants in the process. I asked Mr. Wonderful if he could, just this ONCE, drive the kids to school.

This was something he never had to do because I was a stay-at-home mom. It was MY job. 13 years together and he'd never taken the kids to school once. I made that request and he exploded like I'd just asked for him to drive them cross-country before he went to work. I was so sick, and he just laid into me verbally.

One time - I asked him ONE TIME to help me out with them in the morning due to my illness.

He left, door slamming, and I didn't even cry. I was in such shock at his reaction. I didn't cry, I just went into do-or-die focus. Dragged my weak self off of the sofa, got toddler in car, drove kids to school, came back and unpacked toddler, and managed not to soil myself but I couldn't do anything but lay there and watch TV. Toddler played with his toys. I made him cereal or something.

Laying there that morning I realized I'd be better off alone. Because alone, I'd still get sick, but at least I wouldn't have an asshole yelling at me while I was sick. "If he's not even going to help with the kids, why am I staying?" was what I thought that day. I kept thinking that two parents are better than one, like the church had taught me, but that morning realized my kids didn't have two parents, not really.

To me, a parent steps up to cover for the other when the other is sick. My kids didn't have that - not at all. I also realized that even if we had to go on Welfare, if everything Mr. Wonderful threatened me with came true, at least on Welfare I might find some help. I might find the system had some help for me.

I also thought that if everything he threatened came true, I could petition the court to take the kids to the Midwest and live near my mother. When someone abuses you when you're sick, that's a kind of torture. When they also refuse a reasonable request to help out with their own children, when those kids are in need, that's torture toward the kids too. I guess I finally realized the torture was never going to end with him. Nothing inside of him was making him see his part in this.

[redacted]

Ex-wife was my live in girlfriend (in other words, married in all but law) for 7 years before we married, helped her raise her son since he was 11(awesome kid, love him, still see him, more often than she does) So the whole of our relationship before marriage, it hadn't always been all roses, but overall I feel like we had a really good relationship, communicated well, great sex on a very regular basis and I certainly trusted her and loved her very much.

Later on, we got married, and right at that point basically, things changed. She didn't communicate as much, she would all but cut me off from sex for long periods, often months at a time, we would have a talk about getting the spark and communication back in our relationship.

It might feel like it's happening for a short time, then back to the same old thing. Instead of going and looking for outlets for my repressed sexuality, I often just completely ignored that portion of myself for months at a time, kinda went numb emotionally as well.

Even had multiple opportunities to be unfaithful, but turned them all down, I kept telling myself, it would get better, I'd have another talk with her, we'd get all this straightened out. I don't know how long I would've lied to myself about this, to be honest, but she ended up saving me from having to.

One day a little over 5 years into our marriage, she said she was going to her Mother's (a normal occurance) however, I noticed she packed a lot of sexy stuff for going to Mom's. I mentioned something about it, in a half joking way, and she said I was being silly, that she was just packing comfortable clothing... M'kay.

After a couple weeks, she called announcing she wouldn't be coming back. At this point, I wasn't really all that surprised or dismayed by this and I accepted it. Afterwards, in talking to her son (who I consider just as much my son) I learned that she had been unfaithful to me fairly often sometimes with "friends" of ours, or coworkers, sometimes with the older of his teenage friends.

Later, as he grew into an adult, when he was unfaithful to his partner, she would remark to me "I don't know why he does that, I thought I taught him better than that" Mmm hmm...All while I remained faithful to her like an idiot, and kept trying to "make it work"

About a year after she left, I got a call from her, begging me to take her back, I calmly informed her that there was no way I would ever consider being with her again, and she then claimed to have a gun and that she was now going to go end her life. I ended up calling her Mom and her local sheriff to go out and check on her and haven't heard from her again, until she sent me papers to sign, which I gladly did. I just got the final paperwork in the mail.

A little closure, I guess it feels good. Kinda wondering if I'm now capable of the trust a truly good relationship requires, thought for sure, for years, that I had someone worthy of that. But I was fooled. Still glad to be free of the whole situation excepting my stepson, whom I would never forsake.

/FullMeltxTractions/

Wasn't married but about 1 month away from marrying. We worked together at the same job for about a year but she was first shift and I was second. We both had weekends off so we could and did things on the weekend. We had got everything paid for and were set. One weekend, actually on my birthday, i went to get a haircut before we went out for the night. I weirdly noticed this one car in the parking lot of our apartments.

Didn't think to much as there was a shit ton of cars that would come and go. She had gone up to a casino with her mom the previous night and stayed overnight. That wasn't uncommon as they were both huge gamblers. I got back and did some cleaning and she walked in. She looked at me and throw her ring on the table and said, "We need to talk. I think I like "Joe" more now and decided I want to be with him. I don't need the ring and you can cancel the wedding."

It all clicked that car I seen was "Joes". She didn't go up to the casino with her mom but with "Joe" instead. Even more fucked up is I called her mom to see how close they were to home and she covered for her daughter. I then come to find out her friend "Joe" was a ex lover who also broke up her last engagement. He was always trying to befriend me too and act like we were best friends.

I have never felt less of a man, more ashamed and hurt then when this happened. I sacrificed a lot for her. I was there doing anything and everything for her and her family when her dad very slowly passed away. And she ends up treating me like a pet she could get rid of when she got bored. I still can't remember a few months of time after that happened. I was in a bad place.

It took awhile to get my head straight. My best friend of over twenty years, to me a brother and family, helped me out so much! He made sure I was going to be ok and took me out to blow off steam. We took a awesome trip to some fun ass spots with a few other people. I owe him so much for the help. My family really helped too. I ended up meeting my fiance now about 6 months after I had that shit happen.

We have been together for over five years and we will be celebrating our first daughters birthday on June 29th! Amazing what has happened since then. My one advice is don't ever give up or think you are worthless. You are worth everything to somebody out there no matter what. I can say I am almost embarrassed by how I reacted back then, lol.

I will say after I met my new fiancee now, about a month into dating I got a new job and got to say good riddance to the last of my ex!! One of the greatest things ever!!! The oddest thing to was my best friend who stuck with me actually had his dad pass away my last week at work. My last day, i had told them I needed to leave at 3 pm to go help my best and his family with last minute wake and funeral stuff.

They told I can't leave and they won't let me. After how my ex got everybody there to somehow feel really bad for her about leaving me and I got left with people telling me how they feel bad for her, i just dropped my shit on the ground and left.

I remember the supervisor saying you are going to get into lots of trouble and I looked at her dead in the eyes and go, "What? Am I going to get fired?" and just started laughing on my way out!

/laidback26/

I was probably still in love with the idea of her when we got divorced. She walked out after 7 years of marriage and I was very much still in love when she did (in an unhealthy codependent way, but still.)

She got married too young (25) and never got to live an independent life as an adult (she moved out of her parents house to live with me.) She wanted to be free, go out and date, stay out late, and have that freedom that most of us burn through in out 20s.

So, I was still in love with the person I married and spent the early years of my marriage with, but it was hard to deal with the person who valued independence over me. After 8 months of separation and virtual no contact, I started the paperwork to file for divorce. When I talked to her about it, she told me she "wasn't ready."

Of course, at this point she was seriously dating a common acquaintance/friend. So, I pushed for the divorce and she agreed not to get in the way. I had to get on with my life and I had no intention of waiting around for her. But, I still loved that person I knew before. Even after the divorce, I struggled with my feelings towards her. We had very little contact (no kids) but every time I ran into her around town was a gut punch as it triggered all the old feelings. Finally, I was able to find a job out of town.

We had one last meeting before I left town for closure. She admitted that she fucked up. When I pressed her on it, asking if she fucked by handling the ending poorly or if she thought she had actually made a mistake pulling the plug, she said it was the latter.

My sense is that her rose colored glasses for the other relationship and dating and freedom had finally fallen off. She had felt that way for six months or so but didn't want to bother me, felt that I hated her. I honestly don't know what I would have done if she had told me that six months earlier because those old feelings still lurked below the surface to some extent. But at that point I was leaving town and there was no coming back.

Moving to a new city was the healthiest thing I ever could have done. Fast forward another six months and it's January 2020. My ex and I exchange holiday greetings by email, ask about family in the pandemic, etc... After I tell her how relieved I am that my elderly parents had just gotten vaccinated, she gives me a long antivax response.

OMG! then a few days later, unbidden, she sends me a link to a 90 minute YouTube antivax "documentary." Jesus Christ, who is this person? It was then that I realized that she was no longer remotely similar to the woman I knew and loved. 3 years had passed and we were very different people. I think that's what it took for me to fall out of love once and for all.

I have no other happy ending. I'm still struggling out here trying to find my person and hopefully have a family before it's too late. But I'm through with that at least.

/ConfiaEnElProceso/

Not there yet, but feels like I am close, for the following reasons: -came across a new song randomly on YouTube, paused the video so that I could speak to her, she told me that she is concerned about my taste in music in a condescending and judgemental manner.

Just because the video was paused when the singer's mouth was open (this might be slightly petty on my part). -decisions get made without consulting me, then I have to pick up the slack or deal with the issues that come from those decisions that I had no part in.

-any issue that arises or situation that I might have a different opinion on, I dont get told the entire story, just enough to give my opinion and decision, then during our 'spirited discussions' I get all of the info and told that I am a horrible person.

-people (mainly her family) will ask her something, that is supposedly directed at me, but even if I am next to her, its like I do not exist. Have addressed this before, but it still happens.

-any sort of discipline issues regarding her son (discipline is shared, at her request, but its a long story and a separate tragedy) invariably ends with it being my fault for some or other reason and I'm a horrible person and divorce is threatened or hinted at.

Supposedly for my happiness, despite me saying that I am happy being with her, I would just want to deal with issues and be done with them, instead of having to deal with the same issues over and over and over again just by talking (her family is big on talking about issues and how they feel, nothing wrong with that but very little action is ever taken to deal with things beyond the takling phase)

-her mother, a more obnoxious, overbearing, toxic, narcissistic and lazy person I have never met. This woman has a negative impact on our family every day, but nothing gets done, only talking about doing something.

-can't have friends of the opposite sex unless she approves, as they might be in to me and I in to them, I might share too much personal information with them, etc. This despite her having done this, to the point where things were obviously hidden from me, then if I ask I get told off.

I will admit that I am not perfect and that I could have been better in the past but to still bring up past things up as if they just happened is a bit much. Promised myself that if divorce is ever mentioned or threatened again, I will be agreeing. Oh dear, I did go on a bit here.

/Cmd_Line_Commando/

9 and a half years my partner and I were together; married 4.5 of them. Almost made it to 10 years together! While there was only a four year difference between us, it felt like she was much older. More mature. We still had our silly moments (even making a fun silly-language between us) but they started to grow farther and farther apart. She liked making major life decisions without talking to me - like leaving her job and going back to school, making me pay for most of the big things. We had a shared bank account that she drained and put me in debt without telling me when she was doing Avon. We never really addressed the bank situation but she sorted the debt collectors after much insistence from me.

We got married and things were looking up. She finished her degree and got a teaching position in the other side of the country. We even moved to make it easier for her travels (and the place we were living in wasn't that great anyway), and I even got a new job so I could spend more time with her and actually have a social life. She got a new job even closer to our new place so things were looking up, but the job was a lot more stressful and she kept pilling up more and more work that kept her busy. I tried to help in any way I could but I felt like she was pushing me away each time.

Our sex life was never that great after we got engaged but it really died when she took her new teaching position which came with more work. I had erection problems for the rest of the relationship. To her credit, I never spoke about it and she never brought it up. She did try introducing toys in the bedroom but we used them once and never again. I tried to initiate but she was always tired.

Feeling really depressed and alone, I got into PC gaming. I picked up WoW again when Classic came out. With the new friends online I got a lot of attention from them and it made me feel great knowing there were people relying on me to do a job. I thought it was alright as she showed little interest despite me trying to get her involved - it just wasn't her scene.

When we first got together we had a sort of plan for the rest of our lives: leave our current part time jobs and get full time emplyment, I would get a car so we could travel more and go on holidays abroad, we would get married, get a dog and have kids. All that good stuff. When we did all that and got our dog, I was super excited as that meant we were going to start growing our family. I tried to spend time with her and start having sex more, but it was met with nights where she would just spend it on her phone on Insta or TicToc, ignoring me.

She started not replying to my telling her that I loved her, which we did many times a day for years. It was devastating. I tried to talk to her about it, even breaking down in tears at one point, but she brushed me off saying she was just going through something and needed time.

We never did go on those travels as due to her teaching job the prices were sky-high during the summer, and she had so much work she put on herself I felt really guilty. One time we went to the beach with the dog and I just felt really shitty for her "missing valuable work time". When she said she was thinking of going up north with the schools football team the alarm bells were ringing in my mind. 'Is she cheating? Is there a coach she is trying to cheat with? Am I just not enough?'.

I don't know if she ever did go on that trip. She came home from work last year and was a bit shaky. She was with the dog on the floor and I went to hug her from behind. She shouted at me to stop and I slumped onto the couch. She took her usual spot and, holding back tears, told me she wasn't happy. It was honestly the worst I had ever felt. I tried to go over stuff with her but she wouldn't offer any information other than stuff I already knew about. She blamed me for not going on any holidays, she blamed me for her being unhappy and she blamed me for what felt like everything.

After some therapy, spending more time with my family and friends, and many many MANY one night stands (funny how actually being wanted does wonder to getting rid of any erection issues), I'm living by myself and feeling better: I'm going to the gym twice a week again, spending some time to myself thinking and just picking up the pieces. The one thing that has stuck with me the most is this: "It's not 10 years of your life lost, it's 10 years of personal growth. You're not the same person you were back then - look how much better you are".

I try not to feel anger towards her. The divorce was quick and painless, but it did sting when I got the papers to the day a year after we seperated. I haven't spoken to her since but as I deleted facebook and my family never really liked her anyway, I don't know what she's up to. My gran asked me once this had all gone down was "Would you go back to her if she asked?". At the time I would say no due to rage, but now I'd say no as I feel like she didn't respect me at all to say "I'm hurting and we need to talk". Sorry for the ramble! I like to write and talk.

/GFunk20/

I filed after years if abuse...we definitely abused some substances together and were deeply toxic. Didn't quite realize it at the time...but when another round of cheating started, I drove straight to an attorney. First one was closed, second one wasn't.

Those first 2 years were rough as hell on me. Kids too. Inevitably they somehow end up in the middle when you are dealing with someone that is narcissistic...but do your best to try not to deliberately put them in the middle.

The quiet of the new (much shittier, smaller, simpler) home was so hard to get used to. Especially as sobriety became a need (pharmaceutical amphetamines was our drug of choice...although she was a pretty mean drinker on occasion)...

But somewhere along the way over those first couple years, you learn to cherish the simplicity, the new found freedom of only being a part time parent. I discovered some passions of bicycle riding and my local forest preserves. Turned into some awesome adventures with the kids.

Then you start to get in shape and take better care of yourself...and people will notice...promotions, compliments, it will happen. Just do the right thing. Put yourself out there with groups. Dad Facebook groups, meet up, shit even local restaurants...I became regularly habitual and friendly with some local businesses (book store, local diner, locally owned burger joints) they all start to root for you. Find a therapist too.

If I could do anything different, it would be slow down on dating...no rush...give it a year or more before you even turn that switch on in your head...it will be so much better for you and your date if you have the majority of your mourning of the loss of your relationship behind you.

Fast forward 5.5 years...remarried...better job, small simple home that I'm truly making the way my partner and I want. Kids are over the divorce...they see what it means to have one parent be accountable, consistent, and living a clean.

Healthy lifestyle and how to have a healthy adult relationship vs the other parent fly off the handle at weird shit and unable to take care of a home...loses cats and shit...(she's not a horrible mother, but is chaotic and very disorganized and impulsive)

Take care of yourself, get outside, don't force a plan for your life, try to enjoy it and challenge yourself to little things and you'll feel good about being you. I got so into riding my shitty second hand mountain bike that I started doing long rides and packing for the day and ended up doing hundred milers...it felt so good, to make a little plan with a challenge, save up $20 at a time for new upgrades to my shitty bike and make a goal happen. God speed internet friends. I feel for ya.

/jjmk2014/

I’m going to try to get to the point but it is going to take some back story: Incredibly ill and lost my job. Telling my wife I lost my job was the hardest thing and the look of disappointment on her face was horrible. I’ve been seeing doctors for years for chronic pain and had surgeries but now I have had terrible spiral of just being “out of it”.

I have been trying to find the right doctor for this new mysteries (e.g., had an endocrinologist appointment) and wife with her own health problems I was fully supportive to Nth degree is just thinking I have depression.

Gets to the point I’m like I have to see a neurologist and she’s like I think you need a dog. I give in and get a dog reluctantly to accommodate her but huge trepidation because how much I love dogs and barely if at all can take care of myself <—

This is no joke as I am sleeping 15 hours straight and it turns out I would be almost diagnosed with narcolepsy from nodding of the rest of the day. It cannot be understated how sick I am. Got the dog... God I love that dog. And finally get the neurologist appointment. Take tons of tests and I can tell by the tests it ain’t going to be good.

Sure enough I am disabled and having a shit ton of nocturnal seizures. It turns out the last spine surgery I had where they accidentally overdosed me in the hospital with the pain medication was very serious. I was diagnosed with encephalopathy.

A form of TBI and the symptoms were gradual over many months making me not cognizant of the changes. Those “leg shakes” in the night that bitch told me about were full blown seizures and I thought I was just keeping her awake with “restless leg syndrome”.

Now... I’m still in denial what a cold bitch cunt she is and she doesn’t show to any of my doctor appointments. What kicks it in. One of her co-workers spouses starts working as a nurse for my neurologist and THEN that cold cunt starts showing up to my neurologist monthly appointments.

Worse, she bitches the entire time at how long the wait times are and then when the staff/doctor are there she puts on the mask she is concerned about my health. That’s when it all sunk in she was fake bitch and she was likely telling people at work a different story then what I was/we were experience.

She always played the victims and when divorce finally kicked in everyone played weird and still today I don’t know wtf is up. I don’t have the emotional energy do deal with other people’s drama/bullshit. So fuck’m all.

/MightyMoosePoop/

It all started with a trip to Las Vegas. My wife and I decided to go for our fifth anniversary. We were high school sweethearts, so this was supposed to be a celebration of our enduring love.

The first few days were fantastic. We were hitting the casinos, enjoying extravagant shows, and just relishing each other’s company. Then, on the third night, something changed.

My wife wanted to go to a party hosted by someone she met at the roulette table. I was tired, but she insisted. I decided to stay back at the hotel. That was the first red flag.

She came back late at night, or rather, early in the morning. She was unusually quiet, avoiding eye contact. I asked her how the party was, and she just shrugged it off. I could tell something was off.

The next day, while she was in the shower, her phone buzzed with a message. I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked. It was from the guy she met at the roulette table. The text was too flirty for comfort.

Confronting her led to a massive argument. She accused me of being controlling and invasive. But something in her tone told me this wasn’t just a one-time thing. It felt like the trust we had was shattered.

The rest of the trip was a blur. We barely spoke. I was grappling with the realization that the woman I loved, my wife, was not who I thought she was.

Once we got back home, things went downhill rapidly. We tried counseling, but the trust was gone. The love that I thought would last forever had turned into something unrecognizable.

In the end, I filed for divorce. It was the hardest decision of my life, but that trip to Vegas opened my eyes.

u/VegasHeartbreak

I married my college sweetheart, thinking we had the perfect relationship. She was caring, supportive, and we shared so many interests. Or so I thought.

Our marriage was smooth sailing for the first few years. We both had demanding jobs, but we made time for each other. It was an ideal setup, until I started noticing her late nights at work became more frequent.

I always trusted her, never questioning her commitment or love. However, one day I found a receipt for a hotel room in her purse. When I asked her, she brushed it off as a work-related expense.

Doubts started creeping in, but I pushed them aside, not wanting to believe anything was wrong. Then, one evening, I decided to surprise her at her office, only to find out she hadn’t been there for hours.

I confronted her when she got home, and after a long, painful conversation, she confessed. She had been seeing someone else for almost a year. The shock was indescribable.

She told me she loved me but wasn’t 'in love' with me anymore. I felt like my entire world had crumbled. The woman I thought I knew had been leading a double life.

We tried to work through it, but the trust was broken. Every time she was late or her phone buzzed, I would be filled with doubt and pain.

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t live like this. The love and trust that are essential in a marriage had been irreparably damaged.

Filing for divorce was the only option left. It was not just the end of our marriage but the end of the life I thought I had.

u/BrokenTrustTales

My story starts with what was supposed to be a wonderful surprise for my wife’s 30th birthday. We had been married for six years, and I wanted to make this milestone special.

I planned a surprise party with all our friends and family. I told her we were going for a quiet dinner, just the two of us, to keep the surprise intact.

As we were about to leave for dinner, I blindfolded her, telling her I had a small surprise before dinner. The plan was to drive her to the party venue.

We arrived, and I carefully led her inside. When I removed the blindfold, everyone shouted, Surprise! But the real shock was on me.

Standing among the guests was a man I’d never seen before, but the way he looked at my wife said it all. The air in the room shifted, and I knew something was off.

Later, I found out he was a coworker she had been having an affair with. The look on her face when she saw him at the party, a mix of guilt and fear, was all the confirmation I needed.

The party turned into a confrontation, and the truth spilled out in front of everyone. It was humiliating and heartbreaking.

Our marriage ended that night. The trust and love I had for her vanished in an instant. The woman I thought I’d spend my life with was a stranger to me.

Divorce was a painful but necessary step. That birthday surprise changed everything.

u/BirthdayBluesBro

Our marriage seemed ideal from the outside. We were the couple our friends envied, always laughing and enjoying life together. But things aren’t always what they seem.

My wife was always into social media, constantly posting and chatting online. I never thought much of it; it seemed like harmless fun.

One day, a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog. It was written by someone using an alias, but the stories and details were too familiar.

The blog was full of rants and complaints about her husband – me. She wrote about how unhappy and trapped she felt in our marriage.

When I confronted her, she initially denied it. But as I showed her the posts that mirrored our life, she broke down and admitted it was her.

She said the blog was her way of expressing her feelings, feelings she never shared with me. I was shocked and hurt. Our marriage, I realized, was a facade.

We tried counseling, but the resentment and hurt were too deep. The woman I thought I knew was a stranger, venting her unhappiness to the world but not to me.

The trust between us eroded, and I couldn’t see a way to rebuild it. The blog had revealed a side of her I couldn’t reconcile with.

The divorce was inevitable. Finding that blog was the beginning of the end.

u/TheBloggerHubby

Our marriage had its ups and downs, but I always believed we were solid. That belief was shattered the day I started noticing her secretive phone calls.

She would suddenly leave the room to take calls or whisper on the phone, quickly hanging up if I walked in.

At first, I thought it was work-related stress. But then, one night, I heard her say I love you before hanging up. My heart sank.

I confronted her the next day. She brushed it off, saying it was a conversation with a close friend going through a tough time.

The secretive calls continued. One day, driven by suspicion, I checked the phone bill. The number she frequently called was unknown to me.

I called the number, only to hear a man’s voice on the other end. He hung up as soon as I mentioned my wife’s name.

When confronted, she finally admitted to having an affair. I was devastated. The trust we had built over years was broken in an instant.

We tried to work through it, but the damage was too deep. The constant doubt and hurt were overwhelming.

Divorce was the final step in a series of painful revelations. The mysterious phone calls were just the tip of the iceberg.

u/CallMeBetrayed

Our marriage was like a well-oiled machine. Routine, efficient, but lacking passion. I never realized how much until our tenth anniversary.

I planned a surprise dinner at the place where we first met. I was excited, thinking maybe this could rekindle the spark we once had.

I waited at the restaurant, but she never showed up. Calls went unanswered. I returned home to find her casually watching TV.

She had completely forgotten our anniversary. When I confronted her, her response was a shrug and a half-hearted apology.

That moment, something inside me broke. I realized we were just going through the motions, living like roommates, not lovers.

I suggested marriage counseling, but she was indifferent. It was clear that the connection we once had was gone.

We lived in the same house for a few more months, but it felt like living with a stranger.

Finally, I knew I had to move on. I couldn't spend my life with someone who didn't even remember the day that was once so special to us.

Filing for divorce was heartbreaking, but it was also a relief. I knew it was the first step towards finding happiness again.

u/AnniversaryAlone

It all began with silence. At first, it was just the absence of small talk, but soon, even the necessary conversations ceased.

I tried to break the ice, asked if something was wrong, but she would just look away, silent.

The silence grew louder every day. It was like living with a ghost.

On our seventh anniversary, I prepared a special dinner, hoping it would change things. She ate in silence and left the table without a word.

That night, I lay awake, listening to the deafening silence. It was then I realized our marriage had become a void.

I suggested therapy, desperate to find a way back to each other, but she refused. Her silence was her answer.

The loneliness in our house became unbearable. I missed the sound of laughter, of life.

I finally understood that staying in this silent prison was worse than being alone. I needed to find my voice again, even if it meant without her.

Filing for divorce was like breaking free from a silent spell. It was painful, but necessary for my own sanity.

u/SilencedHeart

Our marriage seemed perfect. We were the ideal couple, or so I thought, until I discovered her double life.

It started with finding receipts for expensive items I had never seen. When I asked, she brushed it off as gifts for friends.

Then came the late nights at work, but something didn’t add up. I decided to surprise her at work one evening, only to find she hadn’t been there at all.

Digging deeper, I discovered she had another phone. When I confronted her, the truth came crashing down.

She had been living a double life. Another relationship, another persona, a whole other world I knew nothing about.

I was devastated. The woman I thought I knew was a stranger.

We tried counseling, but the betrayal was too deep. Every look, every word from her felt like a lie.

I realized that I couldn't live with a shadow of a person, never knowing which face was real.

Divorce was my escape from the web of lies. It was the hardest decision, but the only way to find truth again.

u/BetrayedButBrave

Our marriage was always more practical than romantic. But I believed we had a solid foundation. That changed when I found her letters.

I stumbled upon a stack of unsent letters in her desk, addressed to her first love.

Each letter was filled with longing and regret for choosing stability over passion. My heart sank with each word.

I confronted her. She broke down, admitting she had always loved him, that our marriage was a safe choice.

I felt like a consolation prize, a safe bet. Our whole marriage felt like a lie.

We tried to salvage our relationship, but the letters hung over us like a dark cloud.

I couldn't shake off the feeling of being second best, a backup plan.

I realized I deserved to be someone’s first choice, not an afterthought.

Filing for divorce was not just the end of our marriage; it was me choosing to not settle for less.

u/SecondChoiceNoMore

Our marriage was centered around our children. When they left for college, we realized we had nothing in common.

The house became eerily quiet. We struggled to find topics to talk about.

We became like strangers, living under the same roof but leading separate lives.

I suggested trips, hobbies, anything to reconnect. But she was disinterested, content in her own world.

The loneliness was suffocating. I missed the laughter, the chaos, the life we had when the kids were around.

I realized we had been co-parents, not partners. Our love had faded into a comfortable routine.

I longed for a connection, for love, for someone to share my life with.

The decision to divorce was not easy, but it was necessary. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life longing for something that was never there.

Divorce was a step towards finding myself again, to find the love and connection I craved.

u/EmptyNestSeeker

Our marriage was never perfect, but I never thought it would end like this. It all came crashing down on our fifteenth anniversary.

I bought her a necklace she'd been eyeing for months. I was excited to see her reaction, hoping it might spark something between us again.

But when I gave her the gift, she just set it aside, unopened. Said she was tired and went to bed early.

The next morning, the gift was still there, untouched. It felt like a metaphor for our marriage – full of potential but never realized.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she brushed it off, saying it wasn't a big deal. But it was a big deal to me.

That unopened gift sat on our dresser for weeks, a constant reminder of the growing distance between us.

I started to feel more like a roommate than a husband. Our conversations became superficial, our interactions, mechanical.

I couldn't live in a marriage where even a gesture of love was ignored. I needed more, I needed to feel valued and loved.

Filing for divorce was painful, but it was also a relief. I left the unopened gift with her, a symbol of what could have been.

u/UnopenedHeart

We were always a fiery couple, passionate in love and in arguments. But one fight changed everything.

It started over something trivial, but it escalated quickly. Words were said, unforgivable and hurtful.

In the heat of the moment, she said she regretted marrying me. That cut deeper than any other word she'd said before.

We went to bed angry, the silence between us heavy and charged.

The next day, the air was still tense. I tried to apologize, to make things right, but she was distant.

Days turned into weeks, and the coldness never thawed. That argument hung over us like a dark cloud.

I realized that our marriage couldn't survive on passion alone. Respect and understanding were missing.

The love we had was overshadowed by resentment and regret. I knew we couldn't go back to how things were.

Filing for divorce felt like giving up, but it was also a release from the constant tension.

u/BrokenFlame

Trust was the foundation of our marriage. That's why discovering her secret debt felt like such a betrayal.

It started with a declined credit card. Then the calls from debt collectors began.

She had been hiding her spending and the mounting debt from me for years.

When I confronted her, the full extent of the financial mess came out. We were tens of thousands in debt.

I felt betrayed. Money was always a joint decision, or so I thought.

We tried to work through it, to pay off the debt together. But the trust was broken.

I couldn't look at her the same way. Every purchase, every bill brought doubt and resentment.

Our marriage, once built on mutual trust and support, was now a source of constant stress and suspicion.

Divorce was not just about the debt. It was about regaining my peace of mind.

u/DebtBurdenedHeart

We had the perfect life, a beautiful home, successful careers, but our house was never a home.

She was always busy, always out. Our home felt empty, even when she was there.

I would come back to a dark, silent house every day, the loneliness greeting me at the door.

I tried to fill the void with friends, hobbies, but the emptiness was always there.

One day, I came back to a note on the kitchen counter. She was leaving for a while to find herself.

Weeks turned into months. The house felt even emptier, if that was possible.

I realized I was holding onto a life that didn't exist. Our home was just a shell.

I needed more than empty rooms and silence. I needed companionship, love, a partner.

Filing for divorce was acknowledging the truth – our house was never a home.

u/HouseOfSolitude

The day I came home to find the locks changed was the day I knew my marriage was over.

We had been drifting apart, but I never imagined she would lock me out of our own home.

Standing on the porch, my key useless, I felt a mix of anger, confusion, and profound sadness.

After staying with a friend, I came back to talk, to understand why.

She said she needed space, that my presence was suffocating her.

That conversation was the last real one we had. We communicated through lawyers after that.

The home I had built with love and dreams was no longer mine.

I realized then that while I was trying to hold on, she had already let go.

Divorce was a formality by then. The locks had already told me everything I needed to know.

u/LockedOutLife

Our marriage had always been a dance of highs and lows, but I never expected it to end on such a low note.

On our 20th anniversary, I planned a surprise dance at the same spot where we first met.

When the day came, she seemed disinterested, but I brushed it off, hoping the surprise would change her mood.

As the music started, I took her hand, but she pulled away, saying she didn’t feel like dancing.

Her refusal hit me hard. Dancing had always been our thing, a way to reconnect no matter what.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she shrugged it off, saying things change and people change.

That night, lying in bed, I realized our marriage had become a dance of one. The connection we once shared was gone.

I couldn’t keep dancing alone, pretending our marriage was still alive.

Filing for divorce was like leaving the dance floor for the last time. It was heartbreaking, but necessary.

u/DanceOfOne

Ours was a long-distance marriage due to work commitments. Calls and messages kept our love alive, until they didn’t.

Gradually, her calls became less frequent, her messages shorter.

I tried to bridge the gap, calling and messaging, but the responses were cold, distant.

One day, I called and it went straight to voicemail. That night, I couldn’t sleep, the silence was deafening.

Days turned into weeks with minimal contact. The woman I loved seemed to have vanished.

When I finally confronted her, she admitted she no longer felt the same way about me.

The distance had created more than physical separation; it had torn apart our emotional bond.

I realized that a marriage can’t survive on memories and old conversations alone.

Filing for divorce was an acknowledgment of our faded love, a love that couldn’t withstand the silence.

u/DistantHeartbreak

Laughter had always been the core of our relationship. We could find humor in anything. But then, the laughter stopped.

I first noticed it when I made a joke at dinner, and she didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile.

This became a pattern. My attempts at humor were met with silence or a forced smile.

I tried to discuss it with her, but she said she just didn’t find the same things funny anymore.

It felt like a rejection of who I was. Our shared laughter had been a bond, and now it was broken.

The more I tried to bring back the laughter, the more distant she became.

I realized that our laughter had been a sign of our deeper connection, and without it, we were strangers.

I couldn’t stay in a marriage where I felt I couldn’t be myself, where the joy had vanished.

Divorce was not just the end of our marriage, but the end of the laughter we once shared.

u/LostLaughter

Birthdays had always been special in our relationship. So, when she forgot mine, it felt like a bad omen.

I waited all day for her to remember, to say something, but she didn’t.

When I finally brought it up, she apologized casually, saying she’d been too busy to remember.

It wasn’t just about the birthday; it was about feeling forgotten, unimportant.

I started to notice other signs of neglect, small things that added up.

The more I noticed, the more I felt like I was becoming invisible in my own marriage.

Our conversations became superficial, our interactions, routine.

I realized I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I had to remind someone to care about me.

Filing for divorce was a painful admission that I deserved to be remembered, to be valued.

u/ForgottenButNotGone

Adventure and travel had been the cornerstone of our relationship. We loved exploring new places together.

But over the years, her enthusiasm for travel and adventure waned.

I suggested trips, but she found reasons to stay home. The thrill of discovery was replaced by the comfort of routine.

I missed the excitement in her eyes when we talked about new destinations.

It felt like we were living in two different worlds. I longed for adventure; she craved stability.

The gap between us grew with each refused trip, each ignored suggestion.

I realized that we were no longer on the same journey, no longer dreaming the same dreams.

I needed more than a life of predictability and routine. I needed a partner who shared my passion.

Filing for divorce was like embarking on a new, solitary adventure – daunting but necessary.

u/WanderlustSolo